Sunday, April 29, 2007

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Top NFL draft prospect Amobi Okoye admitted during interviews at the NFL combine that he has used marijuana. Teams are now wary of drafting him, as they now have to factor in the price of all those Cheetos.

Barry Bonds is continuing his pursuit of Hank Aaron. Let's hope all of this success doesn't go to his head. His massive, melon shaped head.

In basketball, Detroit Pistons guard Flip Murray says three gunshots were fired into his home by a pair of masked men. All three shots missed wildly, leading police to suspect that one of the shooters may have been Antoine Walker.

SuperSonics majority owner Clay Bennett has announced that Seattle will no longer have a basketball team beyond the 2007-08 season. The news shocked fans, who thought the Sonics stopped playing basketball in the late nineties.

Curtis Strange and Hubert Green have been elected to the World Golf Hall of Fame. The news was greeted by a very quiet and polite round of applause.

Friends report that reality star and wrestler Hulk Hogan has been quarreling nearly nonstop with his wife. Luckily no one has been hurt as all of their fights are heavily choreographed and planned out in advance.

David Beckham has been selected as the sexiest dad among a list of sexy entertainers and athletes. Former NBA star Shawn Kemp did not win, despite 75 of his children casting ballots.

And Nike took out a full-page ad in the New York Times thanking disgraced radio host Don Imus for bringing the issues of race relations and sexism to the forefront. The company also plans on throwing a parade for John Rocker. Imus' joke has also led to a lucrative book deal for the Rutgers coach Vivian Stringer. The book is tentatively titled, Acting for Beginners.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit