ND NFL Draft Preview

I created this in Excel, saved as a webpage, and then uploaded it onto the KankaMatic site. Mike, I see that it won't work for FireFox, so I'm guessing that it also won't work for Mozilla, sorry. I can email you a copy if you want.
Also, here's a disclaimer: I didn't know much about some teams (or, I knew less than some of you probably do), so I only made assumptions based on roster spots. So, if you don't agree with what I say, first, don't be surprised, second, post it on the message board.

And the ball said....

Money does not equal greatness.
Cribs do not equal greatness.
Balance does not equal greatness.
Fame does not equal greatness.
Endorsements do not equal greatness.
Winning does not equal greatness.
Only greatness equals greatness.
Only greatness equals greatness.
Only greatness equals greatness.

Are these staments valid? Is greatness the only thing that equals greatness? Is greatness even the ultimate goal? Let's find out.

We'll start with the main point: Only greatness equals greatness. Anybody who's ever paid attention in philosophy class (waaa?) can tell you the reason why A = A, why greatness equals greatness. But is greatness the only thing that equals greatness? Klondike would probably pull out a thesaurus an dlist off synonyms. But let's stick to the topics mentioned.
Money does not equal greatness. I'll agree with this. There is so much discussion of overpaid athletes, overpaid executives, overpaid... Heck, in the NBA, you get at least $1 million a year just for showing up. If all it took to get $18 million a year was to be the worst defensive shortstop in the AL (Derek Jeter) - well, I can do that easily.
Cribs do not equal greatness. This is closely linked to the money theorem. Cribs are posessions. No posessions, no horde of material goods, can ever equal greatness. Can't buy me love, and can't buy me greatness.
Balance does not equal greatness. Well, yes and no. You have to be well rounded to be great, but being well rounded does not mean you're great. Hank Aaron is the all time leader in home runs and RsBI, but Willie Mays gets all the "greatest ever" talk. Why? Mays is known for his flashy defense, while Aaron is only known for his hitting. Also in the "greatest ever" discussion is Babe Ruth, who of course started as a decent pitcher. This statement may just a "Carmelo, please don't be bitter about LeBron" statement. Carmelo is known as a pure scorer, but LeBron of course is known for his scoring and his "crazy court vision." (LeBron's defense is a story for another day, however.)
Fame does not equal greatness. Agreed. Media hype is a funny thing. You've got the supposed "coast biases," as well as hype bandwagoning. Last year's rookies of the year are a good example of this. Dontrelle Willis gained fame through his flashy leg kick, and Angel Berroa became the "I sound smart for picking him" pick because of his team's newfound success. Still not sure that fame does not equal greatness? Paris Hilton. Anna Nicole Smith. That Jeter guy.
Endorsements do not equal greatness. This goes along with the money and cribs arguments. I'll chalk this up to another "Please don't be bitter, Carmelo," and move on.
Winning does not equal greatness. Here's the important one. Derek Jeter is considered great because he's associated with a winning team. But wait, weren't Luis Sojo and Jim Leyritz also key parts of most of those championships? Don't they get to be great, too? Is team greatness even that important? Let's consult Mr. John Wooden. "A player that makes the team great is far more valuable than a great player." Ah, so the goal is team greatness. But does team greatness come from winning? Yes, according to Ty Willingham ("The goal is to win.") and Herm Edwards ("Hello! You play to win the game!").
So, there you have it. The goal for the individual is to contribute to team greatness, and team greatness is acheived by winning. Now, I know this didn't live up to the hype at all, but at least you now know why I never became an English major.

Here's Looking at You

It's current RBS Leader and loyal KankaNation reader Nick Yonto, left, and Minnesota utilityman Nick Punto. Oh, and by, "Here's Looking at You," I mean, "Here's a Guy Whose Name Always Makes Me Say, 'What? Yonto's Playing for the Twins Now?'"

Transaction Wire

Nothing happened. At all. Unless you're the Twins, or Banned substances, in which case half your team is on the DL.

I'm having trouble with the Windows side of my computer, so the KankaMatic team pages won't be updated for a while. The stat rankings on those pages are up to date, however. In lieu of this, I'll use the days to come to start taking a look at ND players in the draft.

Ellen’s Initial LOOOOOVE Ranking

Top 25

1 Kanka – The man, the myth, the legend. How can he not be my #1? Cause when you are a Kankamaniac, you are a Kankamaniac 4 life!

2 The Pope – ok I know it is kinda weird that the #1 cute old priest of the world is number 2, but he did say that he didn’t like sports on Sundays.

3. Phil Simms – Best damn QB in Giant’s history hands down (guess I like the phrase). I remember the day he came to a local supermarket and I got my picture taken sitting on his lap as if he was Santa. That day ranks up there with the day I sat in LT's car… didn’t find any drugs, though….

4. Ryan Humphrey – this is a no-brainer. I had a shrine to him for 2 years. I would do him 40 ways to Sunday… wait… did I say that? You know what… YES I did and I stand by that!

5. CHAD – I loooove him. He loooooves me. We loooooove Fins. ‘Nuf said

6. Fr. Hesburgh – I would have loved to have put him ahead of the Pope this week since he LOOOVES sports, but I needed to have some sense of religious hierarchy. But he is sooooooooooo cute. He also dresses nice when he is not in priest clothes.

7. Dick Lynch – the most fired up ND alumni football player turned radio host who loves my dad and actually stalked me a bit at a Giant’s pregame brunch because he saw my monogram jacket. He shares many of the KankaNation views about football. He was once quoted saying, “Hey Edd (that’s my dad) we did good this weekend, huh?” It was a bye week… dah!

8. (tie) Nick Setta – grandma loved him, mommy loves him… it is a hereditary thing. He made me drive him back to Keenan once and to get on campus we pretended we just got married. It actually worked.

8 (tie) Luke Pettigout – best player on the Giants hands down. I think I freak him out a little when I stalk him at EVERY game I have gone to for the past 5 years saying things like “ I know I’m wearing a Strahan jersey but if they made a #77 jersey I would wear that.”

9. Don Mattingly – Best Baseball player EVER! I have had a crush on him my whole life! Made the pimp stash what it is today.

10. Tim Welsh – ***BIG EAST COACH OF THE YEAR** - the swim coach I wish I worked for. He is so fired up about everything. He loves Jesus and the Pope and anything that has to do with Notre Dame. He also pretends to be a cowboy and has a special ND western belt buckle. If Moose Krause wasn’t already Mr. Notre Dame it would be Tim

11. Grandma – crazy grandma was my gimmick. She provided me with great stories for years. She will be missed. I think after the Bob Davie column (soon to be published) is over I may have to write one that shares her pearls of wisdom.

12. DJ – he is my little boy. I took care of him when he was a freshman. And his family is sooooo fired up about everything. Major plus – walk-on.

13 Coach Mattison – he was MY own football coach. Also, he is very cute. He wears is sweat pants a little too small though.

14. Jesse Palmer – ok I loved him PRE Bachelor. He was one of the Giants on my list that I stalked after the games. I loooved him before everyone else!

15. Lance Legree – a coach Mattison boy turned Giant who actually likes me stalking him.

16 LT – my mom tried to get me to stop loving him after the drug stories came out but how could you not love the flat top and the lightning bolt earring?

17 Julius’s mom – EVERY week she would wait by the stadium when the players marched to the stadium and EVERY week she pulled Julius over and kissed him.

18 Darrell – my favorite Coach Mattison boy. He gives the best hugs.

19 Jessi – my better half. My stalking buddy. I don’t know where to begin

20 Dominic – why wouldn’t you love a man with such a cool name???

21 Adrienne – (Dave’s old roommate Danny’s girlfriend) we are fired up about each other. We are fired up about Jessi. It is a great relationship

22 Faine’s mom – how could you not love a woman that gave you permission to go up to “Jeffrey” and yell at him to stop talking to reporters and to come give him mamma love.

23 Scalbrini – best player on the Nets. Reminds me of Klondike if he played basketball. According to my dad, TJ Kidd shares my love.

24 Coach Wooden – Sooo cute and sooo old. My kind of man!

25 John Bradley – So cool he only needs one name. I looove him. Turns up everywhere... even bando parties and swim parties on Sunday night. Also is one hell of a posse leader.

Also Receiving Votes:

Jon Byrer – how can you not want to hug him at all times???? It was hard to keep my composure during our history class together

F Bomb – he could very well be close to a male counter part for me… in the loud and inappropriateness categories at least

Andre the Giant – best wrestler ever. My kind of man. . Big and fat.

Yogi Berra - so cute, so old, so small. I ran into him (almost literally) in Barnes and Nobel. I really wanted to hug him.

Bernard Akatu – I love walk-ons! Especially ones with fun names.

Julius’s fired up uncle – every week he tried to give Bob Davie an American flag. So cute and also so fired up about America

Fagan’s ass – (Dave’s friend from home) it is PERFECT. Squishy like I like it.

Bernard Muir – Best AD ever because he lets me hug him!

Bottom 10

1. Jeff Hostetler - Worst QB in Giant’s history that took Phil Simm’s job. Back stabber. He should have stayed in California with other football player back stabbers like OJ Simpson.
2. Kerry Collins – Ok Jeff Hostetler may be the worst QB in Giant’s history but this guy is the most overrated. He has one good game, the 2001 NFC championship, and people forget how inconsistent he is. People just need to look at the Snow Bowl when ND beat Penn State and they will remember. Maybe Coughlin sees though this and that is why they are desperately trying to get the #1 draft pick so they can get Eli Manning.
3. Bailey – ok this man made my life hell for a year and a half. I mean who calls a person at 6 am to make copies or something dumb like that. I’m still feeling the repercussions from it.
4. Dave – do I really need to explain? Mets? Republican?
5. Diana Taurusi – Her and her nose have to go! Once again another overrated athlete. Also, I hate how she tries to be Miss Tough and cries all the time. Take a hint from Tom Hanks: “There is no crying in baseball.” Err... well you get my point.

The first KankaMatic scoring update it up. Everything is (or at least should be) accurate; I'll try to have the team pages updated some time this week. Until then, you can take a look at the batting and pitching stats used.

KankaMatic Update

The Weekend in Review

Random Thoughs from the last 7 Days (or so)

• Congrats to Candice Parker for winning the McDonald's HS All American dunk contest. Nice, but I'm much more impressed with the girl from last year's dunk contest (which has been shown on ESPN about 20 times in the past few weeks). The girl from last year (I can't recall her name) didn't get past the first round, but only because she couldn't complete either of her dunks. She had more than enough height, she just couldn't hold on to the ball with one hand. The difference between her and Parker? Parker is 6'4", this girl was 5'11". Hey, I'm 5'10", and I can't even come close to dunking (although I did have decent ups before I become a fat mess).


• Thoughts on the Minnesota "Lady Gophers": a great 1-2 punch in Lindsay Whalen and Janel McCarville, solid outside shooting, and no defense whatsoever. Whalen and McCarville are great, but they can't do everything. That semifinal game was tough to watch.


• I'm starting to get a little paranoid about the whole steroids thing. On opening day, I was wondering to myself if Jody Gerut's head looked a little bigger than it did last year. Hmm... and his chin looks a little squared, too.... AHHHH!!!!


• Mike, there's hope for the Cubs. Sports Illustrated never gets their preseason picks right in any sport, but by picking both UConn teams this year (moving their record to 2 for 975), they're on a roll and their prediction about the Cubs may just come true.
  

A new entry into the Pantheon of Losing: One of the Worst Non-Playoff Related 24 Hours Spans in Sports History

I didn't really watch the men's finals because it was baseball's opening day (or 1 of 4 opening days), so I wasn't to upset about that. But, it started when my fantasy ace (Roy Oswalt) blew a 4-1 lead on a Barry Bonds home run. Oh well, I thought. At least CC Sabathia was cruising against the Twins (the newest addition to the list of teams I hate). But wait, the bullpen decides to blow a 4-0 lead in a third of an inning. Now it's Tuesday, and the women's championship (UConn-Tennessee, woohoo!), the Cavs, and the Indians were all on at the same time. I avoided ESPN at all costs, because I knew the Lady Vols didn't have it this year, and I didn't want to vomit from all of ESPN's kissing up to Gino Auriemma and Diana Taurasi. So, I flipped between the Cavs and Indians until late in the fourth quarter of the Cavs game. Here's a sequence of events: the Cavs have been in a complete tailspin ever since PG Jeff McInnis got injured. He was back tonight, and it looked like the Cavs had the game in hand. Until McInnis rolled his ankle on a Raptor's foot with 3 minutes left in the game. Well, there goes the season, I thought. But, a few minutes later, "My God King! Is that Jeff McInnis's music?" McInnis was back, and it looked like all was not lost... With the game tied and 11 seconds left, LeBron went to the line - and made both free throws! Maybe the playoffs weren't out of reach. Well, then Jalen Rose (who never went to college) decided to sink a 3 with .4 seconds left. Great. At least the Indians were winning by 2 at this point... until closer David Riske puts one out over the plate for a game tying home run with 2 outs in the 9th. The Indians lose in 15, and I'm beginning to wonder if someone is trying to tell me to give up being a sports fan.
Of course, I could be in Iraq right now like a buddy of mine from High School, so I guess things aren't all that bad.

Transaction Wire

Indians trade Milton Bradley to the Dodgers for OF prospect Franklin Gutierrez and a PTBNL that is one of the Dodger's top 10 prospect. Cheers to Indians GM Mark Shapiro for believing that it takes talent and good character to make a good team. Gutierrez is a year or two away, but he should add some power to a lineup that really needs it.
Browns annouce that Carmen Policy will resign as team president effective May 1. Replacing him will be current NFL Senior Vice President of Marketing and Sales John Collins. Great, just like the ND band, the Cubs of the '90s, and allegedly ND football, yet another guy in charge who things "Who cares how good we are, as long as we're making as much money as possible." Marketing. Great.

Short column this week, but I'm still working on KankaMatic Baseball. Look for a few minor rule changes to come. Over the next few weeks, I'll start rolling out a few features from new columnists, so look for that.

Other Team that we played: 21
We Average 72 Inches: 15

Exclusive to KankaNation - by Andy Wolkiewicz

It was a good effort by We Average 72 Inches. They went up against a team of similar skill and effort. The boys were down 11-5 at the half, but switched to a 2-3 zone for the second half which proved much more effective. The strong defense led by Nick Yonto in the second half broke up numerous fast break chances for the other team. Unfortunately, the switch came too late for We Average 72 Inches.

There were two great highlights. Chris Orenchuck put up a pretty shot from the three-point arc that barely touched the net. Andy Wolkiewicz had a quality steal and converted the easy fast break.

Paul Epstein had lots of boards and 6 points. Andy Wolkiewicz had a strong outing with 4 points. Guard Nick Yonto was an excellent leader on the court and scored 2 points. Chris Orenchuk also had 2 and Dave Couling rounded out the scoring for We Average 72 Inches with 1 bucket.

One more note of interest:
During the game, one fan of We Average 72 Inches yelled out "Nice D." It was immediately responded to by Andy Wolkiewicz with a rousing "That's what SHE said," which was followed by a collective "Dah" by the memebers of We Average 72 Inches and looks of disgust and awe by their opposition.

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Thanks to Andy for this report. I blatantly stole this from the message board in an attempt to continue my "guest columnist" articles. If you, loyal KankaNation reader, have an idea for a piece, please let me know.

Weekend in Review gets delayed a day - mini-Kanka's junior high play is Tuesday night.

KankaMatic Update

My entry into Page 2's Dream Job Competition

To go to the championship, would I...
Drive to San Antonio in my own "Rambling Wreck" of a hatchback? Sure.
Form tackle Eddie Sutton in full pads? Heck yeah.
Camp out with the Cameron Crazies? Where’s my sleeping bag?
Challenge Lindsey Whalen to a game of one-on-one? Whoops, wrong tournament.
Write 2,000 words explaining "what’s an 'Oka' for"? Nah, that joke's getting old.
Offer to ghostwrite for Bill Simmons, so he has more time to play "Madden"? Well, only if he’s a judge.
Enter this contest even though it’s an obvious April Fool’s joke? What have I to lose?

The Response

April Fool!
There is no Dream Job, we aren't sending anyone anywhere and we're not even mailing you a fleece pullover. But if your entry is funny enough, we may run it on Friday's page, so you have that going for you, which is nice.

Transaction Wire

Greg Bosl and Megan Duffy declare for the NBA draft. Bosl, a junior walk-on, cited his half court shot in the March 17th Purdue game as his reason for going pro. "That just proves I can do anything. Hey, I Beat Purdue!" Duffy, a sophomore, stated that after winning the Big East's Most Improved player award, "there's really nothing left for me to do [at the college level]."
Ray Lewis and Jamaal Lewis annouce their retirement. "We decided that the NFL is a place for positive role models," Ray Lewis said. Jamaal Lewis added, "yeah, and that one time when we were in [NFL commissioner] Paul Tagliabue's office and Ray said he'd kill me if I didn't give him any crack... Well, that didn't sit too well with Commissioner Tagliabue."
Cubs sign Jesse Orosco. Dusty Baker once again proves his love for established veterans by coaxing the 47 year old reliever out of retirement. When interviewed, Orosco replied, "I'm too old!"
Yankees fire Brian Cashman. Unfortunately for Cashman, George Steinbrenner decided to make this annoucement while Cashman was still in Japan. Now, the former New York GM is stranded in a country where doesn't speak the language, and everyone keeps asking him, "Hey, aren't you that guy from CSI?"
Notre Dame football, women's basketball sell green jerseys to South Shore Railroad. "Coal prices are going up," said a spokesman for South Shore, "and we needed something to burn as fuel... to pull our trains." Coach Joe Yonto, a noted authority on locomotive propulsion, does not believe this was a good move. "I keep telling everyone that it's power that pulls the train, but no one seems to listen," Yonto said. He then stormed off mumbling something about making his wife sleep in the kitchen.
Darrell Campbell withdraws from the NFL draft. "I received an offer to voice a character on the animated series 'DragonBall Z', and I just couldn't pass it up." Rumors state that the terms of the contract included the video games SSX Tricky and NBA 2K2, his own computer so he no longer has to borrow Andy Wolkiewicz's, and an unlimited supply of snacky cakes. Sweeeet.
Gino Auriemma resigns as little league coach. It was discovered that Auriemma had fielded a team of 14 year olds, when the age limit is in fact 12. "Don't worry, I'll be back," scoffed the UConn coach while holding a baby boy who bore a striking resemblance to Diani Taurasi. Dah, who said that?
Allen Iverson sues Disney Corp., TiVo. Iverson claims that his TiVo's guide stated that 76ers-Celtics game would be shown on ABC the night of March 28. Instead, when "AI" returned home, he discovered that TiVo had in fact recorded an episode of the hit ABC drama "The Practice." Iverson, representing himself in court, gave the following opening arguments: "The Practice?! The Practice?! C'mon, man, we're not even talking about the game! We're talkin' about The Practice?!"
MTV pulls the plug on "Nick & Jessica II." The reality show, which was to follow Notre Dame juniors Nick Yonto and Jessica Beguin, was cancelled by MTV in preproduction. Kurt Loder, who runs all business activities of MTV since everyone else is so young, stupid, and irresposible, stated that "we were looking for another sterotypical dumb female, and Beguin is probably as far away from that as you can get. Plus, there's also a rule that all guys on MTV shows must be absolute tools, except for me and Snoop Dogg, of course."
ND names Charles Barkley assistant men's basketball coach. "I was talking to Coach K [Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski," Mike Brey said in an interview, "and he was talking about this great new concept called 'boxing out.' I figured Bill Laimbeer would be a great fit to help teach this, but he said he was too happy coaching women's basketball. Speaking of which, I wonder if Ruth Riley has any eligibility left..." When reached for comment, Barkley said, "I like food. A lot."
Portland Trail Blazers sign Snoop Dogg to a 10 day contract. At a press conference, Portland Head Coach Maurice Cheeks said, "He has a clean new image, we have a clean new image. It was a perfect fit." Cheeks then fielded a question about who had a funnier name, Reuben Boumtje-Boumtje or Dan Dickau.
Yankees lock up pennant by siging every player in baseball.
Notre Dame on SportsPickle.com
Bills sign DT Oliver Gibson, a '95 ND grad.
Bob Golic is nominated for the College Football Hall of Fame. It's about time.
Alan Page is named ND's 2004 commencement speaker. I should've taken a 5th year....
Cronk's "other" sibling signs with DIII Trinity baseball.
Cavs sign Mateen Cleaves to a 10 day contract. I actually was going to make fun of him until I saw him play Tuesday night. The kid doesn't have
Indians trade Ricky Gutierrez to the Mets for a PTBNL. Gutierrez is becoming Jose Offerman-esque with his range lately. So, when Kaz Matsui sits out, does Jose Reyes move to SS, or do you let Reyes stay and learn 2B and take your chances with Gutierrez at short?
Give the White Sox a "Ti"! Give them a "Mo"! Now, give the Mets pitcher Matt Ginter. There's your trade. It will be oddly amusing watching Timo Perez and Coco Crisp as dueling centerfielders in so many AL Central games this year.

Gimmicks, Late Execution Doom "Lady Irish"

Gameplan isn't enough to overcome green jerseys, #1 seed

"Gimmicks don't pull the train, power pulls the train."
Well, the plan was great on paper. Slow it down on offense, and play absolutely suffocating defense. The Irish had 10 steals (6 by Le'Tania Severe) and forced multiple shot clock violations. ND was aggressive on the boards, despite being a bit undersized, picking up an impressive 17 offensive rebounds. The only problem (a recurring theme): most of those rebounds came off of missed layups. Dah.
The slowdown offense worked great when the team remembered to run it. Run down the clock as much as possible, wait for an open shot, and make it. Unfortunately, towards the end of the game, ND got a little rushed and broke the gameplan. Rushing up the court and throwing up a bad shot (at least most were from within 10 feet, unlike the men's team) gave the Penn State "Lady Lions" all the momentum they needed.
I'll tell you this, though. Other than those momentary lapses on offense, I saw good promise from this team. ND women's basketball has been inconsistent and more or less wandering around aimlessly since the '01 championship. But, I look at this team, and they know what they're doing. Everyone was aggressive and attacked the basket (making layups is another story, once again...), and no one looked lost out there. I'll especially give props to freshman Crystal Erwin, who stepped on the court and showed no signs of intimidation at all (ok, so she was only 0-1 shooting, but she knows her role). The only seniors that are leaving are Severe and Mo Hernandez, two ball handlers, and Jeneka Joyce, and outside presence. Big East Most Improved Megan Duffy should be able to make up for their absence with even the slightest help from Breona Gray and Susie Powers (and, of course, Anne Weese). I see good things next year for Irish women's basketball.

Random thoughts on the UConn-Penn St. Game

• Penn State is so bad! How did we lose to them! If they would have used ND's slowdown gameplan, maybe they could have won that game.
• A note to ESPN announcers: Diani Taurasi can't hear you while she's playing, so you can stop kissing up to her. Now, I think I'm going to vomit for using "Diana Taurasi" and "kissing" in the same sentence.

"Lord Irish" Loss to Oregon Fundamentally Flawed

Yes, I called them the "Lord Irish." Women's teams call themselves the "Lady Lions" and the "Lady Vols," and even the "Lady Techsters." Well, a Lord is the male counterpart of a Lady, isn't it.
I heard this comment during the NCAA tournament: "The team with the best fundamentals will win. And the most basic fundamental is boxing out." Dah.
I couldn't watch or listen to this game (unless I hopped in my car and started driving west with hopes of picking up an Indiana radio station), so I can't say much. But I will tell you this:
Not rebounding, sloppy turnovers, and 7-25 shooting aren't going to get you very far.

Join us again later this week for the Transaction Wire, the beginning of an in depth look at Irish NFL hopefuls, and sooner or later I'll get around to writing that "Greatness" essay.

It looks like I'm back to business as usual this week (depending on how programming KankaMatic scoring goes). Here are just some of the things going on this week:

March 29
First day of spring football practice.

March 30
MLB season opener - Yanks/Devil Rays in Japan, 5am eastern on the ESPN. Hey, I'll get to watch the end of the game before I go to work.

March 31
73rd anniversary of Knute Rockne's death.
Christopher Walken turns 61.

The KankaMatic Fantasy Baseball site is up, complete with Rulebook. I'll try to put up all the team sites tomorrow night, but for now you can check out Gammonsesquity's page to get an idea of how yours will look.

I have a feeling there will be tons of questions on the rules, so don't hesitate to ask.

Here's Looking at You

Alabama's Chuck Davis

Page 3's Chad Kohorst (Ellen loves him, and Molly is probably not sober in this picture)

I think it's the love of headbands that makes this match.

Bonus Ramblings (the stuff I forgot to say yesterday)

• There's no parity in women's basketball: let's face it, you're either a "have" or a "have not." Case in point: in the women's tournament's 20+ year history, there have been very few double-digit seeds that have survived the first round. Only a handful of 13's and 14's have advanced, and most people know that there has been one win by a 16 seed (Harvard over #1 Stanford in '98), but amazingly there has never been a 15 over 2 upset. Haves and have nots....


• When I first read Dave's article yesterday, I got to the line where he called Mike and Meg "Nick & Jessica." Now, I thought, why would Dave be comparing Mike and Meg to Yonto and his girlfriend? ...oh, that Nick and Jessica...


• Every time I hear Xavier guard Lionel Chalmers's name, all I can think of is Superintendent Chalmers from The Simpsons. Or, as Ralph Wiggum calls him, "Super Nintendo Chalmers."

KankaMatic emails are out. Please remember to have those back by Monday night, as the season starts Tuesday. If you have any questions, please email me.

Also notice that message board #3 is now up, so be sure to check it out.

St. Patrick's Day at ND - The Week in Review

by Dave Schmitt - KankaNation Special Guest Columnist

For Kanka’s sake (and anyone else who missed portions of the St. Patty’s Day Bengal Bouts Extravaganza), here is a special Trip in Review (I keep forgetting – and by forgetting I mean I’m too lazy - to keep a running diary of these things). I will include the amount of beer drank and the number of people Ellen saw that she truly loves. Anyway….

My dad, sister, Ellen, and I arrived in the Bend a little after 1 on Wednesday. No beer yet. While my dad got the rental car, I called Cronk to arrange lunch. After hanging up, I told Ellen that Jon Byrer would be coming as well. “I love him,” she says. Headed to C.J.’s, met Cronk and Byrer, discussed wedding, band, burgers. Drank decent amount of green beer. Halfway through lunch, I heard “OOOOOHHHHH!!!” as Ellen jumped off her chair and ran to the door. Yes, the Crazy Alaskan whom Ellen loves was in the house.

After C.J.’s, we went to campus, as my brother said we needed to get there right away to see him before he took a pre-fight nap. Leaving Stanford, we ran into Nick & Jessica (oops, I mean Mike and Meg). Mike, Meg, Klondike, Ellen and I then chilled at the Huddle for a bit. Subway was eaten by the newlyweds. Jeff Goett popped by for a surprise visit. Ellen loves him. Mike, Meg, and Klondike then went to visit Meg’s grandmother. Something tells me she was granted some of the Klondikian wisdom, as are all family members who meet him for the first time. I called John Bradley, hoping to go drink in his room before the fights started. He was at College Park, drunk to the point of incomprehension. I promised to call him again at 7 to remind him to stumble over to the fight. Ellen and I then made the obligatory Grotto trip, and then ran into Little Friend Caitlin on North Quad. Ellen then called Molly (small manager, law school at ND, noted to Kanka the first time he’d ever seen her sober was working at Reckers) and she picked us up on her way home.

Everyone else who lives at Molly’s house is doing 5th year accounting, hence it is known as the Accounting House. This means Toby and Chad. Ellen reeeeeaaaaalllllly loves Chad. Chad, like usual, was being That Guy, working on his Page 3 site and wearing his Ivan Cartelo jersey in anticipation of the big Timmermans-Cartelo matchup that night. He also showed us the prototype of the Timmermans “1,000 nicknames” poster. It’s pretty sweet. Toby supplied me with a Guinness, and Ellen drank some bizarre concoction. Mike and Meg picked us up there, along with Klondike, around 7:15 to head over to the JACC. At the JACC, we saw my dad and sister, sitting ringside, and we set up a posse at the top corner of some bleachers. John Bradley showed up to lead the posse a little before 8, thankfully more sober than earlier. He pointed out that he’d have to bail right after the fight, because he can’t deal with my parents seeing him drunk. Ellen loves him.

Typically, Mike had headphones to get the score of the NIT game going on about 100 feet away. I’m pretty sure Meg ranted about this for a while. They introduced Michael “Soldier” Schmitt, and we went nuts. [ I’m really bored at work right now, by the way. ] Michael clearly took round 1, but the other kid got some good shots to probably take round 2. We were definitely the loudest group in the whole place. In round 3, the other kid hit him hard at first but lost his will after Michael started fighting back. He just ran for cover as Michael kept hitting him until the bell rang. Unanimous victory for the new 135-pound champion! Good stuff. He walked out of the ring and down the side aisle, and was assaulted by a huge posse. Very cool scene.

After hanging out for a little while longer at the fights, we went to Corby’s for more green beer. Yes, Kanka, the hot bartender is still there. Marcus Barlowe and Pete McCall were not, however. Kinda disappointing. A good time was had by all, and I even offered up a toast to our missing friend Kanka. Following Corby’s we went to the Architecture House for more revelry and drinking of Harp, Guiness, and Miller Lite (Ellen, from Danny’s stash). There, we saw many archies and assorted other people, including the John Doyle (who is quite a “playa” now, I might say) and Danny’s girlfriend Adrian (Ellen loves her). Klondike told some stories, and archie pothead Dixie told some rather unfortunate “dead baby” jokes. Meg’s contacts started buggin’ out a little after midnight, and since she was driving, a good decision was made to get on the road as soon as possible. The newlyweds exited, along with the Alaskan.

Thursday, I demanded lunch at South Dining Hall. I love the dining hall, and miss it dearly. No, I’m not joking. We ate with Little Friend Caitlin and my brother, and then headed for the airport. From there, it just gets ugly. Delayed flight, missed flight, later flight into LaGuardia instead of Newark. Dahhh. Of course, Ellen’s mom had baked goods in the car when they picked us up. And thus ends a very successful trip to ND.

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The other night, I got the call I’ve been waiting for. A girl from ND called to see if I’d donate money. I kinda choked, and didn’t rant and rave like I promised myself I would, but it’s not like it was Bill Diedrick calling me personally. I told her I was not donating money to the University this year, since I am disappointed in the administration. If I see that progress is being made in replacing some officials who are attempting to turn ND into something it is not, I will donate next year. (I’m already in the football ticket lottery from last year’s donation, anyway.) My dream list of changes: Fr. Scully as President, and Fr. Bill Seetch as the Joyce to Scully’s Hesburgh. Am I crazy, or would this almost guarantee kegs back on campus, voluntary classes on St. Patty’s Day, “Talking Irish” as required reading in all first-year Theology courses, and Jon Gruden as our next coach?

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March Madness has been ok this year. No memorable buzzer-beating moments yet, but still some good games. I now remember UAB as the team Dumber always used to play as on NCAA Football 2000 because he liked their green uniforms. Squeaky Johnson is a tremendous name, and he gives a hell of a post-game interview (on the radio). Highest of high comedy. GO IRISH BEAT DUCKS!

Thank you, Dave. Now I suppose I'll do some of my own writing. After all, it is my site and I haven't writting jack squat here recently...

Ramblings from the Last Week of Basketball

• My buddy Matt is a Purdue alum, so it only makes sense that we'd watch the game together at one of the local dives. Unfortunately, this particular local dive tries to pass itself off as a legitimate eatery, so the place was crawling with parents getting smashed while their 8 year olds ran all over the place. Good, good.


• Tom Timmermans guarding Ivan Kartelo. How did this not end up in fight?


• I should've kept a running diary on this one. It wasn't even a minute into the game when Matt made the first Gene Keady combover joke.


• Following the ND-Purdue game on ESPN, they showed the 2003 McDonald's high school dunk/3 point/"hot shot" competition, "live" from the old gym at Cleveland State (Cleveland isn't a state). Highlights: LeBron mailing it in and still finishing second in the dunk contest, Charlie Villanueva listing his college of choice as Illinois (LeBron was listed as "undecided", a girl who's a freshman at Duke barely missing two dunks in the dunk competition only because her hands were too small. Oh yeah, the judges for the dunk competition? DuJuan Wagner, Carlos Boozer, Darius Miles, Michael Vick (wait a minute, he doesn't play for the Cavs), Cav great Larry Nance (won the '86 dunk competition by dunking one ball with each hand), DeSagana Diop (I was disappointed that his dunk reactions weren't quite Dikembe-esque), a token Cleveland Rocker, and two AAU-type scouts. Very entertaining.
  
• My routine for the ND women's basketball games: keep ESPN on mute while I listen to the opponent's Internet radio and check the NCAASports gametracker. Why the opponent's radio station? Because they're often free, while UND.com's are pay.


• Lindsey Whalen of Minnesota (who enjoys watching Old School and playing Madden) has officially replaced Iowa alum Cara Consuegra as my favorite non-ND women's basketball player.


• Monday night would've been great for a running diary - sitting in the living room watching the first Indians spring training broadcast of the year while listening to the ND men on ESPN950 Internet radio. The only problem? I spent the entire game just trying to get the radio to come in. It seems that when someone posts the link on NDNation, the server gets a little busy. Good good.


• I can only win two more games for the rest of the tournament, both Pitt games. Yeah, there goes second place.


• Note to self: if you're not sure if a team will make it out of the first round, don't make them an Elite 8 team. Seton Hall escaped the first round, but there was no way of knowing they were going to beat Arizona in the first round.


• Our office pool (not that we have one, they're illegal) involves 32 people having a 1-8 seed and a 9-16 seed picked for them. If one of your teams makes the Final Four or later, you win (but not money, that's illegal). I overheard this the other day: "When I first saw my one team, I thought it was a typo." "What is it?" "Um... Murray Street." "You mean Murray STATE." (Of course, Murray isn't a state.)


• My favorite part of ESPN's women's NCAA coverage on Tuesday: Four games, two channels. ESPN would have either Penn State/VPI or ND/MTSU. ESPN2 would have the Duke game or another. ESPN showed solely Penn State/VPI. When ESPN went to updates, they only showed updates of the Duke game, while the whole country could see the entire Duke game on ESPN2. Brilliant! Only, not brilliant.


• Next up for the women: vs. #1 Penn State at Hartford, CT. Next up for the men: home(?) vs. Oregon March 25.


• Well, I probably had more ramblings, but I probably should start writing them down.

Transaction Wire

Raiders sign Warren Sapp. I don't think I could have put up with listening to Sapp two more times a year before Browns-Bengals games.
Packers un-retire Eric Crouch as a DB. He finally realized the whole "throwing the ball" thing wasn't working out.
Seahawks sign Bobby Taylor. Just keeping you up to date with the ND alumni.
Spurs signed Matt Carroll to a 10 day contract on March 8. Right now, he's on the Spurs' "injured list," which has basically become a combination of a AAA team and a practice squad. Carroll had been playing in the NBDL. His only action this season is 13 points in 13 games for Portland.
ND football pulls a reverse Urban Meyer and names Steven Wilks its DB coach. Info on Wilks, who was Bowling Green's DB coach (Bowling Green is not a state), can be found here.

Remember, the draft ends tomorrow, then check your email for roster signing information. Coming up for Kanka's Sports Page: a new message board, an essay on Greatness, and an in-depth look at ND football seniors and the NFL draft.

Message Board Updates

I'm working on creating a new KankaNation message board, so look for that to be up soon.
I'm also creating a new KankaMatic Baseball message board, but for now we'll continue to use email to finish off the draft. One correction, however: Orlando Hudson was autodrafted to Cronk's team, but he plays for the Blue Jays. Since Pete was also autodrafting yesterday, I switched Cronk's and Pete's picks for that round. So, now Pete has Orlando Hudson and Cronk has Marlon Anderson.

Yes, I realize that the draft board is down (as is the KankaNation message board). So, if you could email the picks you made Monday (assuming you remembered them) to kanka@kankasports.zzn.com, I'll try to figure something out in the mean time. We're still scheduled to end the draft before the season opener March 30, so here's hoping things work out.

Until then, you can eagerly anticipate my Weekend in Review (probably coming Wednesday and covering 2 men's and 2 women's games), the Transaction Wire and an essay:
Commercializing Greatness: "Winning does not equal greatness, only greatness equals greatness" versus "A player that makes the team great is more valuable than a great player"

Transaction Wire

It's been a quite week for the Transaction Wire, but there is one item of note:
Eagles sign Terrell Owens. You see, if you're too lazy to follow the rules but whine a lot, you get ahead in life. Great.

What is a sport?

Ah, the age old argument. I've always answered it this way:
A sport is both a physical activity and a competition where your opponent's actions directly affect your own actions and the outcome of the event.
Now, to help understand something, sometimes it helps if we can break - it - down. Shall we?
1. physical activity: This is pretty self explanatory, unless you want to argue about which activities are "physical" and which aren't. I, personally, am lenient when it comes to this, so activities such as golf and bowling are still in.
2. competition: Well, duh. Otherwise, running on a treadmill would be a sport.
3. your opponent's actions directly affect...: I'll leave this one open to interpretation. If you want to take the strict meaning of it, things like football (this guy's running towards me and I have to tackle him) and baseball (fastball low and away, I need to take it opposite field) would be sports, but things like golf (you have to have the lowest score but no one's trying to block the ball from getting in the cup) and pole vault (Klondike, I'll let you make a suggestion here) wouldn't be. Of course, in the loose interpretation.
So, I guess I didn't really answer the question, mostly because I decided to be wishy-washy on rule #3 to let bowling, golf, etc. slide in.

As I said, short column today. Off to watch basketball (my bracket is D-U-N done already) and work on some KankaMatic goodness.