Sunday, May 09, 2004

Ellen’s LOOOOOVE Ranking Week 5

Top 25

1. Fr. Joyce – A perfect example of a cute old priest. He is cute, old, fired up about Jesus, Notre Dame, and sports. The world will be sad sad place without him.

2 The Pope – ok I know it is kinda weird that the #1 cute old priest of the world is number 2, but he did say that he didn’t like sports on Sundays.

3. Eli Manning – No I’m not jumping on the bandwagon because he is a Manning etc. . .I LOVE him for two crucial reasons 1. He secured the departure of Kerry Collins 2. He is the first decent QB the Giant’s have had in 12 years! Yes, that would be since the departure of Phil Simms. . .

4 Kanka – Yes, yes I had to drop Kanka, but that was his own fault. He would not admit, even after 2 chances, admit that he is in fact MY KANKA. . .

5 CHAD – I love him, He loves me, we both love Fins. . .

6 Luke Pettigout – best player on the Giants hands down. I think I freak him out a little when I stalk him at EVERY game I have gone to for the past 5 years saying things like “ I know I’m wearing a Strahan jersey but if they made a #77 jersey I would wear that.”

7. Phil Simms – Best damn QB in Giant’s history hands down (guess I like the phrase). I remember the day he came to a local supermarket and I got my picture taken sitting on his lap as if he was Santa. That day ranks up there with the day I sat in LT's car. . .didn’t find any drugs though. . .

8 Ryan Humphrey – this is a no-brainer. I had a shrine to him for 2 years. I would do him 40 ways to Sunday. . .wait… .did I say that? You know what. . YES I did and I stand by that!

9 Fr. Hesburgh – I would have loved to have put him ahead of the Pope this week since he LOOOVES sports, but I needed to have some sense of religious hierarchy. But he is sooooooooooo cute. He also dresses nice when he is not in priest clothes.

10. Dick Lynch – the most fired up ND alumni football player turned radio host who loves my dad and actually stalked me a bit at a Giant’s pregame brunch because he saw my monogram jacket. He shares many of the KankaNation views about football. He was once quoted saying, “Hey Edd (that’s my dad) we did good this weekend, huh?” It was a bye week. . .dah!

11 Nick Setta – grandma loved him, mommy loves him. . .it is a hereditary thing. He made me drive him back to Keenan once and to get on campus we pretended we just got married. It actually worked.

12. Tim Welsh – ***BIG EAST COACH OF THE YEAR** - the swim coach I wish I worked for. He is so fired up about everything. He loves Jesus and the Pope and anything that has to do with Notre Dame. He also pretends to be a cowboy and has a special ND western belt buckle. If Moose Kraus wasn’t already Mr. Notre Dame it would be Tim

13 Darrell – my favorite Coach Mattison boy. He gives the best hugs. I’m sooo proud that he was picked up by his dream team. The story in the paper about it moved me to tears.

14. Grandma – crazy grandma was my gimmick. She provided me with great stories for years. She will be missed. I think after the Bob Davie column (soon to be published) is over I may have to write one that shares her pearls of wisdom.

15. Don Mattingly – Although I LOOOVE Donny Baseball, he had to drop due to the Yankee’s poor performance in batting lately but they are finally looking up again. . .too bad I can’t say the same about the Mets.

16. DJ – he is my little boy. I took care of him when he was a freshman. And his family is sooooo fired up about everything. Major plus – walk-on. Most recently he has been considered to be the front-runner for the kicking jobs for the 2004 season.

17. Coach Mattison – he was MY own football coach. Also, he is very cute. He wears is sweat pants a little too small though.

18 Lance Legree – a coach Mattison boy turned Giant who actually likes me stalking him.

19 Julius’s mom – EVERY week she would wait by the stadium when the players marched to the stadium and EVERY week she pulled Julius over and kissed him. I know she had to be fired up that he sons will be playing against each other this Thanksgiving. I’d love to be a fly on the wall there!

20 LT – my mom tried to get me to stop loving him after the drug stories came out but how could you not love the flat top and the lightning bolt earring?

21 Jesse Palmer – Although Jesse had great potential for rising to a high spot this week because he made mention of the spot at Giants Stadium where my Dad works and where I stalk him, but then promptly fell because he said no one waited for him after games when I most certainly do!

22 Jessi – my better half. My stalking buddy. I don’t know where to begin

23 Scalbrini – if the Net’s would let him play more, I’m sure they would beat the Pistons

24 Not in Band, Now in Band Andy – So he actually listened to me and gave me a lot of reasons for putting him in the top 25. . . what a guy!

25 Dominic – why wouldn’t you love a man with such a cool name???

Also Receiving Votes:

Adrienne – (Dave’s old roommate Danny’s girlfriend. Ok she doesn’t know it but we are in a fight. I actually had her raised this week because she was supposed to be moving here soon, but noooo she is going to go to Boston, to go to BC instead!!!!! I’m utterly depressed. . . .

Faine’s mom – how could you not love a woman that gave you permission to go up to “Jeffrey” and yell at him to stop talking to reporters and to come give him mamma love.

Coach Wooden – Sooo cute and sooo old. My kind of man!

JohnBradley – Temporally dropped down because I still have yet to find out if he was involved in last week’s Finnegan’s bust. I hope he had a repeat of being there and getting out like in last year’s Boat Club sinking.

John Byrer – how can you not want to hug him at all times???? It was hard to keep my composure during our history class together

F Bomb – he could very well be close to a male counter part for me. . .in the loud and inappropriateness categories at least

Andre the Giant – best wrestler ever. My kind of man. . Big and fat.

Yogi Berra - so cute, so old, so small. I ran into him (almost literally) in Barnes and Nobel. I really wanted to hug him.

Bernard Akatu – I love walk-ons! Especially ones with fun names.

Julius’s fired up uncle – every week he tried to give Bob Davie an American flag. So cute and also so fired up about American

Andy’s Hair – By Andy I mean Dave’s boss. He is sporting the biggest and baddest white guy ‘fro ever!

Fagan’s ass – (Dave’s friend from home)it is PERFECT. Squishy like I like it.

Bernard Muir – Best AD ever because he lets me hug him!

Vitale Klitchko – After winning the WBC heavyweight championship against a fat mess of an opponent . . .he called out Lennox Lewis to fight him in the rematch he had promised him . . .Lewis was standing just a few feet away

Bottom 10

1. Jeff Hostetler - Worst QB in Giant’s history that took Phil Simm’s job. Back stabber. He should have stayed in California with other football player back stabbers like OJ Simpson.
2. Kerry Collins – Ok Jeff Hostetler may be the worst QB in Giant’s history but this guy is the most overrated. He has one good game, the 2001 NFC championship, and people forget how inconsistent he is. People just need to look at the Snow Bowl when ND beat Penn State and they will remember. Thank God he is gone, FINALLY!
3. Bailey – ok this man made my life hell for a year and a half. I mean who calls a person at 6 am to make copies or something dumb like that. I’m still feeling the repercussions from it.
4. Dave – do I really need to explain? Mets? Republican?
5. Diana Taurasi – Her and her nose have to go! Once again another overrated athlete. Who cares that she was the #1 pick in the WNBA draft?? Also, I hate how she tries to be Miss Tough and cries all the time. Take a hint from Tom Hanks “There is no crying in baseball” Err. . .well you get my point.
6. Tom Coughlin – Ok I thought that I could deal with the Giant’s having a former BC coach especially since he is a follower of the Bill Parcells's coaching style, but this weekend proved me WRONG! With their second round pick (which I think was very important since they gave up their 3rd) the take an O lineman (which they DID need). But where is this lineman from?? Oh yeah BC! Ok so that bothered me for a while but I thought I would get over it. . .was I wrong! Turns out that this lineman from Backup College is that father of Coughlin’s illegitimate grandchild. . . good good. . .