The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Injured Bulls forward Luol Deng is reportedly done for the season. Just a few months after the team's fans.
Florida wide receiver Percy Harvin scored a 12 out of 50 on his Wonderlic test at the NFL combine. And that's with a tutor taking it for him.
Japan has now won the World Baseball Classic twice, giving them one trophy for every person in America who watched them do it. Baseball fans are relieved to get back to watching games that matter. You know, spring training.
And Curt Schilling has officially retired from baseball. Schilling is looking forward to spending more time criticizing his family.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels recently swore his loyalty to quarterback Jay Cutler. The rest of the Broncos staff just swore.
A congenital amputee missing his arms and legs is planning to make his MMA debut next month in Alabama. Which is safer than him making his swimming debut.
San Francisco Giants pitcher Kelvin Pichardo has been suspended for 50 games following a positive drug test. Pichardo is relieved not to have to watch 50 Giants games.
A team manager said that a broken collarbone won't keep Lance Armstrong from competing in the Tour de France. Though if he gave up in France, he would be a local hero.
And Nicolai Valuev's win over Evander Holyfield was recently voted the worst boxing decision of 2008. In second place was the decision fans made to pay $50 to watch it.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Phillies ace Cole Hammels is set to pitch this season. He's so ready to play in Philadelphia, he's already bad-mouthing the Mets.
Floyd Mayweather is still undecided about returning to the ring. It's either that or play quarterback for the Green Bay Packers.
And in women's basketball, the #9 Michigan State team defeated top-seeded Duke. Not many people got to see the game, as it was pre-empted for a Sham-Wow ad. Even more shocking than the upset was seeing women's basketball make a headline. Duke coach Joanne McCallie actually used to coach Michigan State. And now she'll have the opportunity to coach elsewhere.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
The city of New York may be chopping up the old Yankee Stadium and selling it to fans in little pieces. The team could profit over $15 million from the sale, which is enough to buy half an outfielder.
Joba Chamberlain's fastball is nearly 10 miles per hour slower than it was last year. Although five of those miles are attributed to Chamberlain's gravitational pull.
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell wants to expand the season to 18 games. Lions fans are thrilled to get a chance at two more losses.
NBA owners have approved a rule change that gives a technical foul to teams that have an extra player on the court. Except for the Sacramento Kings, because having an extra player on the court is the only way they can stay competitive.
And Jerry West has rejected the Los Angeles Clippers' request to help turn around their franchise. Instead, West plans to focus on a far less challenging project, like world peace.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Major League catcher Ronny Paulino has been traded for the third time since December. Let's hope he's renting.
The NBA has fined Mavericks owner Mark Cuban $25,000 for making disparaging comments about the league through Twitter. Cuban was able to pay the fine after rummaging through his couch cushions. We're not sure what's more shocking: the fact that the NBA is still disciplining Cuban or that someone has finally found a way of monetizing Twitter.
Detroit is excited about hosting the Final Four. It's been a while since their last sports riot.
And Memphis coach John Calipari may coach Kentucky instead. At least he was the first to reply to their Craigslist ad.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
A minor league baseball club is selling a 1.7 pound hamburger that comes with lettuce, tomato, nacho cheese, chili, salsa and crunched tortilla chips. In related news, they've just signed David Wells.
Alex Rodriguez recently told reporters that his rehab is "going good." Just about as well as those grammar lessons.
Michael Vick has reportedly been working on a book while in prison. He'd have finished by now, but he ran out of blue crayons.
Alyssa Milano has a new book entitled "Safe at Home: Confessions of a Baseball Fanatic." That's certainly better than her original title, "Touch 'Em All."
And an Australian rugby player was hit by a car in South Africa. Sadly, the car is not expected to survive.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Injured Lakers center Andrew Bynum recently blew off his rehab assignment to party at the Playboy Mansion. In his defense, many of the women there were dressed in nurse's outfits.
The Oklahoma City Thunder are expected to call up Shaun Livingston from the Tulsa 66ers. Although Livingston is too late to qualify for comeback player of the year, he certainly wins our award for this season's most depressing itinerary.
Senator John McCain wants a posthumous pardon for Jack Johnson, a black boxer unjustly imprisoned over a hundred years ago. Not only does McCain think the conviction was wrong, but Johnson was high school buddy.
A new study released by the American College of Cardiology suggests that watching your favorite NFL team lose in the Super Bowl could actually end your life. But if you live in Chicago, watching them win is just as dangerous.
And LeBron James recently admitted that he had never heard of Sports Illustrated until he was on the magazine's cover. Granted he was only four years old at the time.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Sprint announced that it will remain a part of NASCAR's premier racing series. Just as long as the drivers don't go through tunnels, cross state lines, or try to call when it's windy.
Michael Jordan is expected to be part of Chicago's bid for the 2016 Olympics. So is his bookie.
The Texas Rangers have decided to keep rotund outfielder Andruw Jones. Mainly to provide shade for the other outfielders.
Las Vegas odds have the New York Yankees winning 95.5 games this year. Because you can't count a win against the Royals as a full game.
And San Diego ace Jake Peavy threw five more shutout innings to finish spring training with a 0.00 ERA. The only way his spring could have been any more perfect is if he hadn't spent it with the Padres.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
