The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
North Carolina guard Ty Lawson reportedly won $250 at a Detroit casino. Sadly, that makes him the fifth richest person in the city.
Jay Cutler has been dealt to the Chicago Bears. In case he didnt have enough to complain about.
Boston College defensive tackle B.J. Raji reportedly failed a drug test at the NFL combine. And no one was more interested than the Bengals.
Allen Iverson will miss the rest of the NBA season because of a sore back. Which he hurt while carrying his sore ego.
And the New York Knicks has been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Until 2012.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
According to a Los Angeles insurance company, at least 350 pets in the city have been named after Kobe Bryant. Or Kobe beef, one of the two.
The Detroit Lions introduced a new logo, and then promptly lost to it.
The New York Mets have decided to remove Doc Gooden's autograph from the wall of a member's only section at Citi Field and put it in a more public area. Based on Gooden's personal history, they might want to put in on top of a bathroom mirror.
Chris Webber recently bet Charles Barkley $5,000 that he couldn't eat a slice of white bread in 25 seconds or less. Good to see Barkley is working on that gambling problem.
And Rihanna is reportedly dating Los Angeles Clippers point guard Baron Davis. Perfect. He's on the Clippers, so he doesn't beat anybody.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Celtics big man Leon Powe is expected to join Kevin Garnett and Brian Scalabrine on the sidelines for the rest of the playoffs. With all those injuries, the "rest of the playoffs" might be three games.
The Red Sox Jed Lowrie had surgery, and Rocco Baltelli was put on the 15 day DL. This moves the Sox closer to the Celtics in the "All New England Injury Competition."
Pittsburgh catcher Ryan Doumit is expected to miss two months after breaking his wrist. Unfortunately, he'll have to spend it watching Pirates games.
And Houston center Dikembe Mutombo is likely done playing professionally after injuring his knee. It's always such a shame to see a player cut down before his prime. The injury was further aggravated when he tripped over his AARP card.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Los Angeles has lowered the price of beer at Dodgers Stadium by a full two dollars. In related news, John Daly is now a Dodger fan.
Amid their sluggish start, the Nationals are trying to stay positive - by imagining how great their scores would be if they were playing golf.
The Yankees said they aren't too concerned about the high number of homeruns being hit in their new ballpark. Especially if they find a way to charge fans extra for the souvenirs.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. has said he doesn't believe in Twitter or MySpace. Similarly, many of his fans don't believe in the Big Bang or evolution.
And according to Forbes Magazine, a third of Major League Baseball teams declined in value over the past year. Some of them are so worthless, they're now in the WNBA.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Bud Selig is expected to meet with the New York Yankees to discuss their ticket prices. Because he can no longer afford to go to games.
Dikembe Mutumbo has become the first two-time winner of the NBA's citizenship award. He won the award this year, and also in 1947.
The Jacksonville Jaguars have introduced new team uniforms. Losing has never looked so good.
The United States squeaked out a tight 4-2 victory over Latvia at the ice hockey world championships. The game was closer than many expected, since the Americans were the only ones that could afford skates.
And the Detroit Pistons didnt win a single game in their series with the Cavaliers. Because they didnt want to make the Lions jealous.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Stephen Curry believes he could be picked as high as sixth in the upcoming NBA draft. And that's why Stephen Curry is not a general manager.
Johnny Damon is reportedly upset with Joe Torre's book. It was only a matter of time before someone finally read it to him.
The Golden State Warriors are reportedly in the market for a point guard... and a shooting guard... and a small forward... and a power forward. And maybe a center.
The NFL is considering airing the first round of the 2010 draft in primetime. With any luck, the 2009 draft will be over by then.
And the Hornets are interested in trading with the Pistons for Richard Hamilton and Tayshaun Prince. Unfortunately for New Orleans, Detroit is insisting they also take GM and Chrysler.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
There are rumors that Barry Bonds could bat DH in Kansas City. The D in DH apparently stands for "Desperate."
Royals ace Zack Greinke is 4-0 with a 0.00 ERA. The only thing lower than Greinke's ERA is the Royals chance at the playoffs.
The NBA has fined Houston's Rick Adelman, Portland's Nate McMillan and Boston's Doc Rivers for publicly criticizing referees during the NBA playoffs. The fines fit in with the NBA's new slogan: "I love this game! Because I'm told I have to."
The football coaches at Texas A & M and Texas Tech are in a war of words. Thankfully it's Texas, so they'll run out of words pretty quickly.
And USC coach Pete Carroll said that quarterback Mark Sanchez is not yet ready for the NFL. That's perfect, since he was drafted by the Jets.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Patrick Ewing is reportedly generating very little interest among teams looking for a new head coach. A number of teams, however, are interested in hiring Ewing as a mascot.
A new book suggests A-Rod used steroids as a teenager. The main signs were his acne and mood swings.
HBO has announced it will follow the Cincinnati Bengals for the upcoming season of Hard Knocks. The program is the third primetime show to feature the Bengals, following Cops and America's Most Wanted.
After a first round upset, the San Jose Sharks GM has said summer will be "tough and painful." Like living in Oakland.
And Brett Favre said he is done playing professional football. So he might still sign with the Lions.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
The United States Postal Service has decided to give Dodger Stadium its very own zip code. Ditto for Prince Fielder.
The Dallas Cowboys' practice bubble collapsed following a major windstorm. The timing of the incident is surprising since the team's bubble usually doesn't burst until the playoffs.
Buffalo Bills safety Donte Whitner posted his phone number on his personal website so fans can call him at any time of the day. You know, its moves like this that almost take the fun out of stalking. Almost.
Sixers head coach Tony DiLeo says he's uncertain about his future. Not his future as a coach, but whether or not Philadelphia fans will let him live.
And New York Rangers coach John Tortorella has apologized for embarrassing the organization by throwing a water bottle at a fan. If Tortorella were a real Ranger, he'd have missed by much wider.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
One NFL source insists Brett Favre can't peacefully retire until he finds a way to get revenge on the Packers. Given his performance in the second half of last season, the best revenge would be playing for them.
The woeful Sacramento Kings are interesting in targeting Hornets coach Byron Scott. To be their new shooting guard.
Evander Holyfield recently caught a screening of Mike Tyson's new documentary. The former heavyweight champ reportedly enjoyed the flick, although he did complain he could only hear half of it.
The Los Angeles Dodgers are off to their best home start in franchise history. Major League Baseball has begun investigating the performance-enhancing qualities of Dodger Dogs.
And the Washington Nationals are expected to select San Diego State pitcher Stephen Strasburg with the No. 1 pick in next month's draft. One problem addressed, 24 more to go.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Manny Pacquiao destroyed Ricky Hatton over the weekend, knocking him out in less than two rounds. The last time an Englishman was that embarrassed, we gained independence.
Rasheed Wallace has said he plans to retire unless he gets $8 million next year. So Rasheed Wallace plans to retire.
Jessica Simpson said she sent mass e-mails before Cowboys games last season asking friends to pray for Tony Romo's protection. The emails worked so well, Romo got to go home a month early.
Ken Griffey Jr. was held out of the Seattle's lineup due to a flare-up of diverticulitis. If Griffey were any unhealthier, he'd be Michael Moore.
And a woman has been charged with stalking Eagles backup quarterback A.J. Feeley. Clearly, she'll be pleading insanity.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Brett Favre has told friends that he plans to play for the Vikings. Given the way Favre burned the Packers and the Jets, we thought he already WAS a Viking.
After his son suffered a terrible beating by Manny Pacquiao, Ricky Hatton's father said Hatton is in "no rush" to think about his future. Or his name, where he is right now, or how to chew solid food.
Some Red Sox fans had brooms confiscated by security after Boston swept New York at Yankee Stadium. Security plans to use the brooms as seat fillers for the next homestand.
And former Pistons great Dave Bing was elected mayor of Detroit. On purpose! The newly elected mayor plans to clean up the town. By getting rid of the Lions.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
The New Orleans Saints released two players for exposing themselves. The good news is the players got to keep the beads.
Yankees catcher Jorge Posada has been placed on the disabled list. Posada injured his hamstring while dodging questions about Alex Rodriguez.
Agent Scott Boras has said that he would like to see major changes to the World Series. The first change we'd recommend is that Scott Boras isn't allowed anywhere near the World Series.
A British soccer fan hung himself after his team lost to Manchester United. We hope Detroit Lions fans are not paying attention.
And a man who robbed Antoine Walker at gunpoint has been sentenced to 21 years in prison. No word on the sentence Walker will receive for robbing Boston, Dallas, Atlanta, Miami, and Minnesota.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
The Hawks are proving to be no match for the Cleveland Cavaliers. The only part of Atlanta that's not snarled with traffic is the street going to Philips Arena.
The New York Mets are on a hot streak. Which makes sense, because it's not October.
The owner of the Dodgers asked Manny Ramirez to address the team. After first explaining to Ramirez that baseball is a team sport.
The Red Sox were overwhelmed by the Tampa Rays at Fenway yet again. Boston is so afraid of the Rays, Paul Revere will warn the city when they return.
And to raise awareness for breast cancer, Major League Baseball used pink bats on Mother's Day. To raise for awareness for steroids, they used tiny, shriveled balls.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
The NHL may be creating a new contest to energize its fans. The first fan that can actually locate a channel airing an NHL playoff game wins.
Mark Cuban allegedly told Kenyon Martin's mom that her son is a punk. Martin's mother retaliated by reminding him that he's the owner of the Mavericks.
For those of you keeping track of the "Manny" sweepstakes, the final tally is: Pacquiao good, Ramirez bad.
John Daly finished six shots back at the Italian Open. Just before he threw six shots back at the clubhouse.
And since Lane Kiffin became coach at the University of Tennessee, 11 players have left the team. It is such a mass exodus, the Vols are now calling the football team "math class."
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
