The Weekend in Review

I'm Kanka, and I approve these ramblings

• So, we had this guy come in to work last week to install some new software. He needed to read off a product number to someone back at the home office, so he used his cell phone. Here's how he read it off: "H S Five Two Four Niner Niner." Did I detect a 'niner' in there? What, were you using a walkie-talkie? Then, I looked again, and he was using a Nextel phone... specifically, the built-in walkie-talkie feature.


• So, the latest rumblings are that Lorain could be trying to lure a Frontier League team by building a stadium on some soon-to-be-renovated lakefront property. The Frontier League is an independent minor league, whose alumni include Angels reliever Brendan Donnelly. Now, the question is, should I start training for the predicted 2006 start, or should I try to save my money for the $8 million that the league president is asking for a new franchise?


• So, for last Friday's Reds-Indians Indians pitcher CC Sabathia in all red. This of course means the Indians were dressed in red from head to toe. Seeing CC Sabathia dressed like a 6'7" tomato caused my dad to remember Boog Powell in the very same uniform. Now, the only thing more than amusing than Sabathia or Powell in all red was the fact that Powell left the bright orange jerseys of Baltimore just in time to suit up in monochrome red.


• So, the other night, I was forced to watch the MTV Video Music Awards with my sisters. The scariest thing was seeing the guy who plays Stiffler now with long-ish hair and a bad five o'clock shadow. The new look gave him an eerie resemblance to one Charlie Manson.


• The highlight of the MTV VMA, of course, was the obligatory reaction shot of KankaNation Hall of Famer Snoop Dogg every time remotely funny happened onstage.


• Actual pregame pep-talk from my softball game the other day (our coach's lines in regular text, and our responses in italics):
  "Now, does anybody remember that speech from 'Major League'?"
  "Oh, you mean we should be like that catcher who read 'Playboy' because we're thinking too much?"
  "No, that's not it"
  "You mean when Jake Taylor said, 'Let's win the whole damn thing"?
  "Or when they took pieces of that girl every time they won?"
  "No, no. It's from that one where they all get sent down but come back."
  "Oh, the one in the minors? That one sucked; nobody saw it."
  "OK, just get out there."


• Ken Griffey, Jr. hit his 499th career home run off of Cliff Lee the other day. On the first pitch of his next at bat, Lee threw the ball behind Griffey. After the game, Griffey said that Lee was lucky that Griffey was not a pitcher, or Griffey would bean him his first time up at Cincinnati. Of course, Griffey would know all about doing things that deserve to get a guy beaned, since his little "walk and stare" routine is practically trademarked. (Of course, I'm not too bitter, since that little routine managed to turn a double into a single in this series. Plus, now that Griffey hustles to first less that Manny Ramirez, Albert "Joey" Belle, and Milton Bradley combined, a would be infield single turned into a rally-killing groundout in game two of the series.)


• So, the Sports Guy thinks that the team with the best player always wins the NBA Finals? OK, so is that Rip, 'Sheed, Chauncey, or Ben Wallace?


• Has anyone seen the Verizon commercial about the guy who's the first among his college friends to get a job? He's trying to be all serious in his business suit in his cubicle, and riding around with his bosses in a limo, and there are his friends. First time, his answers his phone, and they're all on the other end: "Schmitty!" Then, it's "Gueth howmny cookies I have in my mouf right now?" Ah, Dave, aren't you glad that a) I hate cell phones and b) the rest of us all have jobs and didn't just get some random appartment on Long Island just to bug you?