Wednesday, June 02, 2004

The Weekend in Review

"Not Getting in Trouble With My Significant Other" Edition

Well, the ride down was rather uneventful, until I got to Cincinnati. Freaking Cincinnati. All those dang business majors just had to get out of work early on Friday. Who said that?
Well, once I was past that, I got to see all the great sights on I-75: Florence Y'all, Big Bone Lick State Park. Ah, good times.
I was the first to arrive at the house (other than Cronk). The After a rough introduction to Super Smash Brothers Melee, the Alaskan showed up with a certain whipped... I mean married man. Ah, the Jeep had survived yet another trip. It was time for a few stories and even more video games. The next thing you know, Klondike had the flask out; apparently, he only had room for one, however.
The final group was not due in for another four hours, so repeated cell phone calls were made to check progress. That's good, I thought, since three grown men with college degrees could never fend for themselves in case of a minor mishap. The final call was the best, however. Mike: "Where are you guys right now?" "We're right outside the house." Hey, great timing. I walked outside to proclaim, "Hey you guys!" For the record, I was overly loud due more to sugar and lack of sleep than alcohol, even though my tolerance has gone to pbbbttt lately.
The late night meant nothing was planned until Saturday afternoon. We woke up and headed out to the paintball range. The introduction involved the important "Don't be a Jerk Rule," which meant no firing from within 10 feet. Unfortunately for Klondike, that rule didn't include not getting fired at after being hit and trying to stand up. You see, when you were hit, you were supposed to raise your gun in the air to signal you're out. Well, Klondike raised his gun, but then needed to use that arm to help him stand. "Gee, Klondike's wide open!" I noticed. Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang! "Hey!" Dah. Other highlights included Scott being hit while in a slow motion dive. I was fortunate that Mike mentioned that we should wear a "noseguard" (a cup). It was Mike himself who hit the shot that richocheted off my male protection. I have the paint splatter on my jock strap to prove it. I'm sure you all wanted to hear that one. Well, I'll move on to a more humorous moment. One of the games went down to me and Dave against Cronk. Now, we were probably the worst players out there. Within a short time, I ran out of ammo. Mike, on the sidelines, yelled "Guy who is not Dave - move over and shoot at Cronk!" "I'm out of ammo!" I yelled repeatedly. Well, I thought of the best thing I could do. "I'm out of ammo, time to throw paintballs!" Cronk had no idea what was going on, and my plan worked. In the confusion and laughter, Dave hit Cronk. For the last round, everyone was low on ammo. We realized that Cronk hadn't been hit in the head yet, as asked by ROTC, so Mike and I went after him. However, we were out before we knew it. So, again I did the best thing I could. "Banzai!" I charged Cronk chucking paintballs with my right arm, only to be nailed in the head. Ah, good times.
After showering off, we headed to one of those Japanese restaurants where they grill at the table. Now, in our section, the floor was raised, but the table was in a pit with the tabletop at about floor level (in other words, we sat on the floor with our legs "underground." Now, since the floor was at about table level, whenever people walked by, they looked like they were walking across a table. I was waiting for the Heartland-style music and dancing to kick in. Dinner was good, but unfortunately, no one wanted to pitch in to get Cronk the "Japanese Happiness Song."
After a trip to the store for supplies, it was time for a night of booze and video games. Fortunately, there were no fights, or else the fists would have been flying. I preferred MVP Baseball that Pete brought along with his XBox. Cronk's friend Kurt did as well - he likes switch-hitters as much as he likes Natalie Portman. I had my first shot of straight gin, and "I'll tell you what" - I can see why the Alaskan likes the stuff. That'll warm you up something fierce.
Sunday morning was time for mass. I was able to talk Cronk into a noon mass (similar to Sam trying to custom-order masses on away trips). Afterwards, it was Schlotsky's for lunch. Nothing like the Jewish Deli after the Catholic mass.
Sunday was set aside for a barbeque, and it was a solid one. But first, we stopped at the insane asylum for a game of wiffle ball. The team of Dave, Mike, Brandon, and me (with Klondike pitching) dominated the team of Pete, Joey, Cronk, and Scott. And by "dominated," I of course mean "sucked less." Back to the barbeque, and this was a fancy one - we had some pork roast and brought out the fine crystal. Next, we stopped to visit Cronk's house (in the middle of Tennessee). I finally got to meet Cronk's parents, after they had seen me on TV for years. Cronk gave us a tour of the house while Klondike swapped stories with the parents. Pete's favorite part of the tour was Cronk's sister's room, but everyone else seemed to enjoy Cronk's sister's modelling quality picture (ahem. sports bra.) - even if it was next to Cronk's band award. Dah. After the house tour, we drove through UT. All the campus streets were named after current sports celebs - Todd Helton Dr. (who else has a fantasy team player with a street named after them), Pat Summitt Dr., Peyton Manning Pass, and Phillip Fullmer St. (or is that the "Insert the Current Coach Here" St.?) Neyland Stadium reminded me of Distaster Transport at Cedar Point (an 80s futuristic factory eyesore), and the orange-roofed McDonald's made everyone say Dah.
Back at the house, it was time for poker night. The game this time was Texas Hold 'Em, and Klondike's resentment against Texas made him the master of this game. Everyone won at least once (I hope). I discovered something during the game - a Gin Remix (Sprite Remix & Tanqueray) is much better than a Gin & Juice made with Slice. The Gin Remix was almost chick drink good - "Tanqueray and Remix, yeah I'm f*cked up now."
Well, that was that. We all headed for home the next morning. I'm sure there are some stories I'm forgetting, so feel free to post them to the board - unless you're afraid of getting in trouble that is. Thanks again to Brandon and Joey for the accomodations. Their house is for sale if you want it - the price is good, too.