"Yeah, could you just have her call Kanka in Aflac's room?"
"... Kanka... in... Alfac's room?"
"That's right. Thanks."
Ah, I'm easily amused. After a while, I decide to head for the Backer. The crowd was so small, they actually had tables set up in the middle of the floor. Gary Godsey was sitting down, and I almost went up to ask if he had seen Ellen yet. I was extremely confused by the table situation, so I got my hand stamped and left. I next decide to head over to Legends to check out the MOBB, who I've heard a lot about. I get in, get my "Hey look at me, I went to Legends!" wristband, and then was greeted by a huge sign that says only current students are allowed in the "nightclub area" where the MOBB is playing. Dah. So, it was back to The Backer for me.
Meanwhile, at BW3's. The group arrives to find Klondike sitting at the bar. Not a big surprise. He had also made a new friend - again not a big surprise. "Yeah, I guess he likes football or something." Of course he does, Klondike, because he's only one of Ellen's favorite New York Giants - Luke Petitgout. You can't make this stuff up.
Meanwhile, at The Backer. I walk in and find no one's there yet, or so I thought. So, I get in line for a drink, and am soon reminded why I'm normally not the one who goes to gets drinks for everyone. I'm not a very pushy person, and that cost me about 10 minutes of my life. It was then that i noticed that a picture of Gary Godsey (still in the bar, by the way) and Adam Sandler in their Longest Yard uniforms had been added above the bar. Wait a minute... they replaced Alicia Ratay's picture! I was heartbroken, and even more so when I couldn't convince Ellen to ask the manager if I could keep Alicia's picture. Meanwhile, I see Jessi walk in. Hey, there's someone I know. We talk for a while, and then I see Sarah and friends sitting at a table in the corner. (Hmm, are you sure you don't go to The Backer often?) I make myself at home, and soon after Dave, Ellen, and F-Bomb show up. Ellen claims she's never met Sarah, so I make the formal introduction. Ellen then offers to show me her butt. I politely decline, then our song comes on. For what happens next, here's Sarah's side of the story:
Sarah had to turn to her friends and explain that Ellen isn't dating me and is, in fact, in a long-term relationship with Dave. Then, for some reason, she turns back to look at us, only to see a bare, bruised butt staring back at her. At first, she didn't even realize it was Ellen's. I'll call that a case of bad timing. As for me, that may have been the first time I had ever witnessed F-Bomb on the receiving end of a full moon. As for the bruise, apparently it involves falling down five rows of seats at Shea Stadium. Dave could tell the story better than I could.
Well, after an oversized draft beer, a Gin & Tonic, and not one but two playings of "Escape," we decided to call it a night. And what a good night it was. Celebrity sightings at The Backer included Godsey, Petitgout (maybe he followed us there), Sean Milligan (who apparently just randomly shows up wherever there's booze), Theresa Borton, and Ruth Riley, who was just hanging out on the arcade machine that replaced the Golden Tee. Oh, and Ellen was very drunk.
Speaking of Milligan just randomly showing up at places where there's booze: Yonto relayed to me a story about a time when he and Jess, his girlfriend, were helping one of Jess's friends get ready for a party at the friend's apartment. Milligan just happens to wander in, and asks if they have any beer. Yes, one of them replies, in fact we're having a party later. So, Milligan just sits down on the couch and waits for the party to start.
Back to the story. Now it's Saturday morning, and the plan is to meet at Martin's at 9 am. That is, of course, 9 local time, which is 10 Eastern Daylight Time (ahem, Katie). Jon Byrer and I separately manage to get there a little early (but not as early as Katie) and decide to head in and get some of the shopping done. In the store, Byrer happens to meet one of his friends, and then the friend's father. Well, the father finds out he's in law school, and it's on. Byrer proceeds to get lectured/grilled/made uncomfortable about why the third amendment is a total piece of crap. Or at least that's what I think the "conversation" was about. Anyways, after much confused wandering around the store, we finally find the pop and beer aisles. In the beer aisle, we pick up a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade for Cronk. All six bottles, by the way, are now sitting in my house. Dah. So we finish shopping and go to take the things out to Byrer's car. We get there, and see that the rest of our crew has just pulled in and parked by my car, a few rows over. So, we hop in Byrers car to move... and everyone starts heading for the store without seeing us. I roll down the window and call to them, which leads to a very confused reaction by Mike. Wait, my car's here. Why am I driving with Byrer? After everything was sorted out, we head in to the store to finish the shopping, which included some very meticulous donut seletion.
We load the cars, and track Katie down, and it's time to head to the tailgate. Now, not only has Klondike given up his Alaska driver's license and license plates, but now the Jeep is gone as well, replaced by a huge SUV. We place his car and my car back to back, and Mike is somehow able to craft a covering with his tarp. It was a fun time, and featured appearances by Aflac, Yonto, Anne, Lisa, Michelle, and Little Friend. All went well until it was time for Klondike to leave. Fortunately, he gave us a chance to untie the tarp first, so I was able to avoid witnessing my car being towed down Angela headed towards Chicagoland.
After warming up in COBA, where we picked up Scovil, we headed to the game. There, we picked up Wally, and later Jess. Jess, as some may have noticed, was a little not sober. I'd tell stories, but I'm probably already mean enough to her as it is. But let me tell you, they were pretty impressive. No, wait, they weren't 'impressive.' There's another word I'm going for, but I can't think of it now. Oh, nevermind. We had seats on the home side, near the south 5 yard line. That gave us a great view of some nice diving catches, solid tackling, and the hilarious bowling celebration. My dad later told me that, to even things out between the Blue first teamers and the Gold second teamers, Charlie Weis had been planning on calling some "creative" penalties. So, basically the end zone celebrations were encouraged so he had an excuse to throw a flag. How does 60 yards for the bowling celebration sound, giving Gold the ball first and goal on the 5?
After the game we went to Macri's, where story after story was told. And boy do I wish I remember some of those stories right now. Wally got a call during dinner, and he went around the table saying who was there. "Let's see - there's Dave, and Lisa, and Cronk, and Cronk's sister... in law...." After two or three hours, and probably more than a few dirty looks from management, we decided to head out. After dinner it was ice cream time... or so I'm told. Did I ever tell you how much I suck at driving around South Bend? Yeah. Moving on.
Back at the hotel, Michelle and Ellen spend countless hours talking about fashion, only to be interupted by Ellen's excitement when Justin Tuck was picked by the Giants. I should also point out that at this point Kim Rollings made an appearance - don't want her to be the only person I left out.
After a while, Dave, Ellen, and I went back to The Backer. There, we finally met up with "wannabe Kanka replacement" Brian Campbell and Katie Dwyer. Apparently, at one point while we were at The Backer (the bar), The Backer (the person) walked right by us. How about that. There was more beer and one more playing of "Escape," then it was time to go home.
Sunday morning I went to the TV mass at the Basilica, followed by brunch at Reckers. At 11:30, I realize, "Oh crap, this is Tippecanoe week, I'm going to miss everybody before I leave." I rush to Fisher in "Aflac late for his flight home from the Gator Bowl" mode and call Yonto/Scovil's room. No answer. Great. So, I head back to Keough, resigned to the fact that I would have to hang out for a few hours until they got back. I walk in to Aflac's room and turn left, only to be startled to find that Aflac was in fact sitting in the room, just to the right. Tippecanoe is next week. Genius.
Tangent time: Tippecanoe edition. A senior bone sent out a message to the bone listserv that simply said "Tippecanoe. Sunday, May 1. Noon. Be there." A confused freshman replied asking what this was all about. This led to some good ol' fashioned listserv abuse, which apparently ended with F-Bomb accusing Andy of having sand in, as Aflac put it, "a certain female body part." The next listserv email is from none other than Jane DeMoss. To paraphrase her email, she hadn't checked her Hotmail account in months, and the one email she decided to click on first was the one from F-Bomb.
Back to the story. After staying a Keough for a while, I went over to Fisher, where I finally met up with Andy. He told me of his NDE experience, where he met Emily (I think I'm going for the name-dropping record here), who works at First Federal in the summers. He impressed her with his knowledge of Lorain, being Slovak, and the bank. She impressed him by knowing who he was, and be the scary fact that they knew so many of the same people.
After Fisher it was on to Lewis, where I caught Sarah hurredly getting ready for her concert that afternoon. She did pass along this one great story:
At one point this past weekend, Sarah was sitting down to eat with her friends at North. A guy with a National Championship-looking ring comes in with his wife and four or five very young kids (the same kids, by the way, that were on the field after the game). Before he sits down, he stops to talk to Sarah and the table. He asks all the usual stuff - year, major, are you going to the game. Then, little by little, he reveals stuff about himself. Yes, he did play football, from '86-'90. They talk a little more. Then, thinking the conversation is over, Sarah turns back around to her friends. Right then, the player confirms that he did play on the '88 championship team. Sarah turns back around, and he's handing her his championship ring! "It could have fit on two of my fingers!" It was an amazing sight - blue diamonds all over it, the works. Sarah passes it around the table, but first takes a peek at the name. Pat Terrell. After getting back from the dining hall, a little investigative research by the girls reveals that this was in fact the man who saved the season in the Miami game. Now, I know I butchered the story here in print, so if you get a chance, have Sarah tell it to you in person.
Well, that's all I got. The drive home was basically uneventful (unless you count the adventure that was a snow-covered off-ramp), so that's the end of the story. I'll be back later this week to look at the NFL fates of the ND draft hopefuls and the draft-day happenings of the Cleveland Browns.
Quotes
"I'm just sayin'" - new bone catchphrase
"Apparently he likes football or something" - Klondike, on new friend Luke Petitgout
"I don't remember going to bed last night. I don't like that." - Ellen
"Ooh, look at me! I'm F-Bomb, talkin' about body parts. Random obscenity." - Yonto immitating Aflac dunring the infamous Aflac/F-Bomb "Look at Me" fight.
"Did he tell you about the hot girl?" "Only about five times." - Yonto, and then Kanka, discussing F-Bomb's conversation with Kanka about moving to Cleveland
