Editor's Note: Real, original football content coming soon, I promise. Or at least I hope.
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
Tough week for Michael Vick. A spokesman for PETA announced that he has film of the Falcons quarterback throwing pigskins. Word is Vick is planning to sell his Virginia estate where the alleged dog fights took place, and buy a house closer to his job. In Canada.
Elsewhere in the NFL, some pipes broke and filled the Cleveland Browns locker room with raw sewage, reminding everyone of Tim Couch.
The Texas Rangers traded Mark Texiera to the Braves for four prospects, which they will eventually trade for a washed up pitcher.
Hoping to win back the public's trust, the NBA announced it's new head of officiating - Pete Rose.
In golf, Jim Furyk edged out Vijay Singh to win the Canadian Open. That's just like the US Open, but with nobody watching.
Kentucky Derby winning jockey Jose Santos announced his retirement, and is looking forward to eating again.
Evander Holyfield will fight for a version of the heavyweight title at age 44 in Moscow. In Russia he won't look old, he'll just look poisoned.
And the National Guard is in talks to sponsor Dale Earnhardt Jr's NASCAR team as a great way to recruit more poor people. The Army decided against sponsoring Jeff Gordon for unknown reasons. We didn't ask, they didn't tell.
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