Fantasy Football

by Aflac. That's what she said.

So one of my coworkers set up a fantasy football league, and I got talked into joining. I didn't expect to win the whole thing, but I thought I'd be able to put together an average team -- this is not the case. I routinely get clobbered. I've been trying to figure out why, and I've gotten it down to two things: ignorance and indifference.

Ignorance: While I enjoy a good football game regardless of who's playing, I don't pay much attention to the names of the individual players. I might remember them during the game, but five minutes later I'll just remember that "some guy" had a ton of rushing yards. This has caused me to draft a team full of Steelers and former Irish players since those are the names that I remember. It doesn't help that the Steelers are having a rough year. Now you're probably saying: "But Aflac, even if you didn't get a good team in the draft, you can still build one through trades and picking up free agents." I'm glad you brought that up. That's where indifference comes into play.

Indifference: I have a lot of trouble caring about a pretend football game that involves no action and all statistics. I have no desire to spend time and energy on something so intangible. The other guys spend hours poring over their teams and proposing potential trades. I, on the other hand, have barely touched my team since the draft. The reason, I think, is that I just don't waste my fantasies on football. At the top of my list is the one involving the big house, the speedboat, and the Ferrari - followed closely by the one involving Jessica Simpson, a can of Cool Whip, and a 9-iron. The one involving Payton Manning throwing passes to T.O. is all the way at the bottom of the list.

So that's my explanation for doing so poorly. The whole thing turned out to be more involved and more boring than I initially anticipated. So, if I get roped into playing again next year, I'll likely be tapping the KankaManiacs for advice, because I'm clearly incapable of doing it myself.