The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
The New York Knicks have the sixth pick in this year's NBA draft, and Knick fans can't wait to see who they'll squander it on.
Defensive end Charles Grant, who has been indicted on second-degree murder charges, is actually training with the New Orleans Saints. The team plans to make a special jersey for Grant where the name Saints is in big quotation marks.
Jose Canseco told friends he intends to try celebrity boxing. We were shocked, since we didn't realize he still had friends.
Mike Piazza is retiring from baseball after discussing his options with his wife and his agent. No word yet on what his boyfriend had to say. But he could go either way.
And former referee Tim Donaghy's attorney has indicated that gambling in the NBA stretches way beyond him. Oh, and Charles Barkley owes him $10,000.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
A high school athlete accidentally speared a photographer with his javelin at a track and field meet. In related news, Britney Spears is taking up javelin.
Columnist Tony Kornheiser will be inducted into the National Jewish Sports Hall of Fame, or as it's known elsewhere, the loneliest place on earth. The hall includes several hundred sports writers and three athletes.
USC is claiming it had no knowledge of any impropriety concerning O.J. Mayo. In fact, O. J. Mayo doesn't even know the meaning of the word "impropriety." Really, he has no idea what it means. Maybe it's a fish of some sort.
And NASCAR promoter Humpy Wheeler is retiring. He plans on spending time with his family, fishing, and selling his name to a porn star.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban admitted to smoking pot. Which we figured out when he traded for Jason Kidd.
Reports have surfaced that Kobe Bryant is having an affair with former Lakers Girl Vanessa Curry. Bryant's wife is looking forward to receiving some new jewelry.
An Atlanta Braves fan has serious head injuries after falling from the stands at Turner Field. The man fell so quickly and dramatically that many people mistook him for the Mets.
New York Mets Johan Santana and Jose Reyes now have their own signature brands of wine. Mets manager Willie Randolph is next in line, since he's got a huge supply of sour grapes.
And Syracuse and Johns Hopkins are set to meet in the NCAA men's lacrosse final. The after party will be at Duke.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
A poll showed NBA fans would prefer a Lakers vs. Celtics match-up for the historical significance. Fans would also like to give Kobe Bryant a chance to cheat on his wife in a whole new market.
Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah has been arrested for possession of marijuana, which he obviously got from the guy who cuts his hair.
In Pittsburgh, markets are being anti-Red Wing by refusing to sell octopus. In Detroit, fans are being anti-Penguin by beating up nuns.
Some NFL insiders are proposing that all championships for the New England Patriots come with an asterisk. And the one championship for the Buccaneers should come with a question mark and one of those sideways smiley faces.
And former Mets and Red Sox pitcher Geremi Gonzalez was killed after being hit by lightning, proving once and for all that God is a Yankees fan.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
The ratings for this year's Stanley Cup are up 157 percent from 2007. The NHL is so pleased by the results that they're planning on extending the Penguins-Red Wings match-up into a best of 49 game series. The Red Wings are still favored to sweep.
The ownership of the Mets said Willie Randolph can keep his job as manager. Unfortunately, Willie didn't receive the message because Jose Reyes bobbled it. If things don't work out with the Mets, Randolph can always coach the Knicks.
And Rangers infielder Hank Blalock is suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome. The good news is that he now carries dual roles: third baseman and guitar hero.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Pacman Jones is meeting with Roger Goodell about reinstatement. Hopefully Pacman has enough points to get an extra guy.
Pedro Martinez is slated to start June 3rd for the Mets. So get your tickets now for "Too Little, Too Late Day."
Professional tennis player Ashley Harkleroad has agreed to pose nude for Playboy. Fans will finally have a visual that corresponds to that grunting sound.
And a blind wrestler has qualified for the Maryland high school state championships. Unfortunately, he showed up in Virginia. We look forward to the match, which will begin with a spirited game of Marco Polo.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
