The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
The Lions slipped to 0-15 after losing 42-7 to the Saints. On the positive side, the team is just one more loss away from a massive congressional bailout.
After their loss this weekend, the Dallas Cowboys' playoff hopes look bleak. But the city's strip clubs are looking forward to an early start to their busy season.
46-year-old Evander Holyfield lost his bid to regain the heavyweight belt when he fell to Nikolai Valuev. Holyfield is so old he was just offered an extension from Penn State.
Herm Edwards said that he's not quitting as coach of the Chiefs. Which is great, for anyone whose fantasy league includes points for futility.
And a woman has pleaded no contest to stalking Lakers forward Luke Walton. The California resident has been sentenced to three years' probation, told to attend counseling, and encouraged to set her sights a little bit higher.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Vince Young is suing former major leaguer Enos Cabell for trying to use the initials "VY" and the nickname "Invinceable" to sell products without his permission. To retaliate, Young will be marketing products with the initials "EC" and the nickname "Irrelevant."
Barry Bonds recently told TMZ that he's still "not retired." Which is unfortunate because America is "not interested."
Pittsburgh Pirates star Jack Wilson said that to compete, the team needs more quality players. And steroids. And four outs per inning. And for other teams to forfeit.
Chicago is excited for the Blackhawks' hockey game at Wrigley Field next month. Though fans are being warned that it's going to be so cold, it will be what hell feels like when the Cubs win a World Series.
And NASCAR has announced it will begin testing its drivers for performance-enhancing substances in January. Drivers will be tested for 13 different narcotics, ten different barbiturates and seven varieties of moonshine.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Members of the San Francisco 49ers grew moustaches this weekend to go along with their throwback uniforms. But since it is San Francisco, wearing a costume and growing a mustache is hardly expected to stand out.
Tom Brady is rumored to have proposed to his girlfriend Gisele Bundchen on Christmas Eve. It's nice to hear that at least one Patriot will be getting a ring this year.
The New York Yankees have signed back-up catcher Kevin Cash. They plan to use half a billion of him to pay for their other free agents.
MMA fighter Justin Eilers was killed in a domestic dispute, marking the third such death in MMA. This proves what boxers have long since known: fighting at home is not always an advantage.
And a winless Detroit Lion was quoted calling their final game against Green Bay, "our super bowl". They're right in that the winner won't play another game til next season.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
LaDanian Tomlinson reported he may have hurt his groin in the Chargers 52-21 win over the Broncos. This is convenient as now San Diego has only been in the playoffs for a day, and they already have their excuse for the inevitable collapse.
The Denver Broncos became the first NFL team to ever lead a division for 16 weeks and not make the playoffs. To commemorate the event, they will officially change their name to the Mets.
Louisiana Tech beat Northern Illinois to win the Independence Bowl. Yeah, we are soooo glad there's no playoff system.
The Red Sox agreed to terms with Brad Penny. He would have signed with the Yankees, but they said his name indicates that he's nine million dollars and ninety nine cents below their pay grade.
And a sports medicine clinic in Houston will remove Roger Clemens' name from their building. In a similar story, management will remove Jose Canseco's name from his shirt at Jiffy Lube.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
