The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
The Cleveland Cavaliers have won all 17 home games thus far. That makes them the only 12 people who enjoy being in Cleveland.
Houston has fired three coaches including defensive coordinator Richard Smith. The last time this many Texans were axed, Davy Crockett was there.
The Chicago Cubs have signed Aaron Miles to a two-year contract. Which is perfect, because last year they were miles away from a championship.
Chad Pennington has been named the NFL's Comeback Player of the Year for the second time in three seasons. So when he stinks next year, he can win it again after that.
And Colts quarterback Peyton Manning has been named the NFL's Most Valuable Player for the third time in his career. His first round loss gives him plenty of time to polish the trophy.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
The Mets are reportedly uninterested in signing Andruw Jones. What a shame - at his weight, he could play left and center field.
John Daly has been suspended for six months by the PGA tour. Luckily for him, he's expected to find plenty of work with the AA tour. Daly plans on using his time off to complete half a binge.
The Bobcats are reportedly interested in rotund center Eddy Curry. Not as their new center, but as their new mascot uniform.
And a construction worker at the new Yankee Stadium was taken to a hospital after falling off a mobile scaffold. The collapse was so sudden, it was almost like he was employed by the Mets.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
Former American Gladiators star Nitro has admitted to using steroids while he was on the show in the early 90's. In related news, scientists have discovered that water is wet and chocolate is delicious.
Major League Baseball suspended Philadelphia's J.C. Romero for 50 games after ruling him "negligent." Using the same charge, the Mets suspended the guy who opens the door to their bullpen.
Scott Pioli, the vice president for player personnel with the Patriots, interviewed with the Kansas City Chiefs about their GM position. Pioli might instead take an easier job, like healing lepers or turning water into wine.
Andy Pettitte has rejected the Yankees' one-year, $10 million offer. Pettitte said he refused to be paid less than the team's bat boy.
And the Green Bay Packers fired six of their coaches. And since the exit was guarded by the team's defense, all six walked out untouched.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
The Seattle Mariners have acquired Tyler Walker to be their new closer. His job will be to lock up the bullpen after everyone leaves.
Shaquille O'Neal has just re-listed his Miami Beach estate for $25 million, which is $10 million less than its original asking price. A Shaq product hasn't fetched this little interest since Kazaam.
Carmelo Anthony recently hurt his hand in a win over Indiana. The injury is especially disconcerting for Anthony since it's his rolling hand.
Boston College coach Jeff Jagodzinski is expected to be fired after interviewing with the New York Jets. Not because of disloyalty, but because it's now obvious that he lacks good decision-making skills.
And Alex Rodriquez was recently spotted getting close with 60-year-old fashion designer Donna Karan. At the rate hes going, his next girlfriend might be a pile of dust.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait
The Dallas Cowboys have released troubled cornerback Pacman Jones. Who, oddly enough, was the least of their problems.
David Beckham is currently charging $700,000 per interview. Which is $350,000 for every interesting thing he has to say.
WNBA star Candace Parker is expecting her first child this spring, making her the first professional basketball player in history to take part in a planned pregnancy.
Jason Giambi said that being back in Oakland brings back a lot of memories. Mainly because BALCO is right nearby.
And Warren Sapp recently challenged Michael Phelps to a televised swimming duel. Sapp was doing surprisingly well until the harpoon got him.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
