Monday, April 12, 2004

Ellen’s Initial LOOOOOVE Ranking

Top 25

1 Kanka – The man, the myth, the legend. How can he not be my #1? Cause when you are a Kankamaniac, you are a Kankamaniac 4 life!

2 The Pope – ok I know it is kinda weird that the #1 cute old priest of the world is number 2, but he did say that he didn’t like sports on Sundays.

3. Phil Simms – Best damn QB in Giant’s history hands down (guess I like the phrase). I remember the day he came to a local supermarket and I got my picture taken sitting on his lap as if he was Santa. That day ranks up there with the day I sat in LT's car… didn’t find any drugs, though….

4. Ryan Humphrey – this is a no-brainer. I had a shrine to him for 2 years. I would do him 40 ways to Sunday… wait… did I say that? You know what… YES I did and I stand by that!

5. CHAD – I loooove him. He loooooves me. We loooooove Fins. ‘Nuf said

6. Fr. Hesburgh – I would have loved to have put him ahead of the Pope this week since he LOOOVES sports, but I needed to have some sense of religious hierarchy. But he is sooooooooooo cute. He also dresses nice when he is not in priest clothes.

7. Dick Lynch – the most fired up ND alumni football player turned radio host who loves my dad and actually stalked me a bit at a Giant’s pregame brunch because he saw my monogram jacket. He shares many of the KankaNation views about football. He was once quoted saying, “Hey Edd (that’s my dad) we did good this weekend, huh?” It was a bye week… dah!

8. (tie) Nick Setta – grandma loved him, mommy loves him… it is a hereditary thing. He made me drive him back to Keenan once and to get on campus we pretended we just got married. It actually worked.

8 (tie) Luke Pettigout – best player on the Giants hands down. I think I freak him out a little when I stalk him at EVERY game I have gone to for the past 5 years saying things like “ I know I’m wearing a Strahan jersey but if they made a #77 jersey I would wear that.”

9. Don Mattingly – Best Baseball player EVER! I have had a crush on him my whole life! Made the pimp stash what it is today.

10. Tim Welsh – ***BIG EAST COACH OF THE YEAR** - the swim coach I wish I worked for. He is so fired up about everything. He loves Jesus and the Pope and anything that has to do with Notre Dame. He also pretends to be a cowboy and has a special ND western belt buckle. If Moose Krause wasn’t already Mr. Notre Dame it would be Tim

11. Grandma – crazy grandma was my gimmick. She provided me with great stories for years. She will be missed. I think after the Bob Davie column (soon to be published) is over I may have to write one that shares her pearls of wisdom.

12. DJ – he is my little boy. I took care of him when he was a freshman. And his family is sooooo fired up about everything. Major plus – walk-on.

13 Coach Mattison – he was MY own football coach. Also, he is very cute. He wears is sweat pants a little too small though.

14. Jesse Palmer – ok I loved him PRE Bachelor. He was one of the Giants on my list that I stalked after the games. I loooved him before everyone else!

15. Lance Legree – a coach Mattison boy turned Giant who actually likes me stalking him.

16 LT – my mom tried to get me to stop loving him after the drug stories came out but how could you not love the flat top and the lightning bolt earring?

17 Julius’s mom – EVERY week she would wait by the stadium when the players marched to the stadium and EVERY week she pulled Julius over and kissed him.

18 Darrell – my favorite Coach Mattison boy. He gives the best hugs.

19 Jessi – my better half. My stalking buddy. I don’t know where to begin

20 Dominic – why wouldn’t you love a man with such a cool name???

21 Adrienne – (Dave’s old roommate Danny’s girlfriend) we are fired up about each other. We are fired up about Jessi. It is a great relationship

22 Faine’s mom – how could you not love a woman that gave you permission to go up to “Jeffrey” and yell at him to stop talking to reporters and to come give him mamma love.

23 Scalbrini – best player on the Nets. Reminds me of Klondike if he played basketball. According to my dad, TJ Kidd shares my love.

24 Coach Wooden – Sooo cute and sooo old. My kind of man!

25 John Bradley – So cool he only needs one name. I looove him. Turns up everywhere... even bando parties and swim parties on Sunday night. Also is one hell of a posse leader.

Also Receiving Votes:

Jon Byrer – how can you not want to hug him at all times???? It was hard to keep my composure during our history class together

F Bomb – he could very well be close to a male counter part for me… in the loud and inappropriateness categories at least

Andre the Giant – best wrestler ever. My kind of man. . Big and fat.

Yogi Berra - so cute, so old, so small. I ran into him (almost literally) in Barnes and Nobel. I really wanted to hug him.

Bernard Akatu – I love walk-ons! Especially ones with fun names.

Julius’s fired up uncle – every week he tried to give Bob Davie an American flag. So cute and also so fired up about America

Fagan’s ass – (Dave’s friend from home) it is PERFECT. Squishy like I like it.

Bernard Muir – Best AD ever because he lets me hug him!

Bottom 10

1. Jeff Hostetler - Worst QB in Giant’s history that took Phil Simm’s job. Back stabber. He should have stayed in California with other football player back stabbers like OJ Simpson.
2. Kerry Collins – Ok Jeff Hostetler may be the worst QB in Giant’s history but this guy is the most overrated. He has one good game, the 2001 NFC championship, and people forget how inconsistent he is. People just need to look at the Snow Bowl when ND beat Penn State and they will remember. Maybe Coughlin sees though this and that is why they are desperately trying to get the #1 draft pick so they can get Eli Manning.
3. Bailey – ok this man made my life hell for a year and a half. I mean who calls a person at 6 am to make copies or something dumb like that. I’m still feeling the repercussions from it.
4. Dave – do I really need to explain? Mets? Republican?
5. Diana Taurusi – Her and her nose have to go! Once again another overrated athlete. Also, I hate how she tries to be Miss Tough and cries all the time. Take a hint from Tom Hanks: “There is no crying in baseball.” Err... well you get my point.