Transaction Wire

I'm doing things a little differently this week. The trade deadline was last Saturday, so I'm taking care of that on Monday night. Wednesday marks one month until FOOTBALL, so I'm looking to do an ND preview that night (which most of you will read Thursday morning).

Mets 1) trade C Justin Huber for INF Jose Bautista. Bautista is then involved in the exchange of 2) Ty Wigginton and Matt Peterson for Kris Benson and Jeff Keppinger. But we're not done yet. 3) trade Scott Kazmir and P Jose Diaz for Victor Zambrano and INF Jeff Keppinger. Unless Peterson is on pace to become a star, the Wigginton/Benson deal was a steal. Kazmir/Zambrano, however, was far from one. Wigginton for Zambrano, with throw-ins of similar value would have been a good deal. Kazmir and a throw-in for Benson and a prospect would have been good, but only if Benson resigns next year. Since they did the opposite, does this mean the two trades equalled out? I don't know. Plus, the Mets are 7 games out right now. I know the division sucks and all, but if I were in Queens right now, I'd be calling Kazmir up to prepare him for the next two seasons, instead of trading him away to win it this year. If you want Baseball Primer's opinion, check the link above (I highly suggest it, Dave).

Philles 1) trade Ricky Ledee and P Alfredo Simon for Felix Rodriguez (F-Rod, technically, is Francisco Rodriguez of Anaheim). The Phils needed bullpen help, but they made their center field situation worse. Ledee couldn't field CF, and Doug Glanville couldn't hit well enough to start there. There only hope now is that Marlon Byrd figures himself out and can get back to the Show. 2) acquire Todd Jones from the Reds for a few minor leaguers. Another good move for the bullpen, as long as their are no gays on the team.

Dodgers screw themselves over by 1) trading away Paul Lo Duca, Juan Encarnacion, and Guillermo Mota for Brad Penny and Hee Seop Choi. Well, apparently Eric Gagne is very upset about losing his catcher and his best setup man. The Dodgers needed to make room for Steve Finley, but giving up Encarnacion was a terrible idea. Penny and Choi are good pick-ups, especially for a team in need of a first baseman, but they game up way too much. 2) to replace Lo Duca, the Dodgers were supposed to get Charles Johson from the Rockies, but he turned that down. So, instead they 3) got Brent Mayne, along with Steve Finley, in exchange for three minor leaguers. Interesting. And those are just the major deals.

Yankees trade Jose Contreras for Esteban Loaiza. Um, OK. Name two guys not named Tom Gordon who didn't belong in this year's All-Star game. Yeah.

Quasi-blockbuster sends Nomar and a minor league OF to the Cubs, and Doug Mientkiewicz and Orlando Cabrera to the Red Sox; the Twins get P Justin Jones (the best prosepect in the bunch), and the Expos get Francis Beltran and Alex Gonzalez. Let's see here:
1) The Cubs upgrade at SS, and give an unhappy guy a change of scenery. The Cubs fans will be good to him, and he'll do well. Does this, and the A-Job trade, now make Derek Jeter the best SS in the AL? Well, I have a feeling the fan support may get him in the Hall some day (think Don Mattingly), but my answer to the best SS question is no. Cabrera is decent, but not great. Right now, it's Miguel Tehada, Michael Young and - surprise - Carlos Guillen (well, Guillen's having a great 2004 at least). Look out, though, because Bobby Crosby and BJ Upton of Tampa Bay (who just got his first Major League hit as I was typing this) are right on their heels.
2) Theo Epstein wins an award for being the first Moneyballer to realize that you also need defense and baserunning to win. Mientkiewicz, Cabrera, and Pokey Reese won't put up huge numbers. But, Mientkiewicz has the potential to put up big numbers when he's motivated to. The year before he hit .306 in 2001, he said he would be happy to stay at AAA Toledo (his hometown) for life. His hitting's struggled as of late (even though his D is still tops), but I don't blame him with influences such as Torii "I'll get a pitcher thrown out not for hitting me in my huge elbow guard, but just by yelling at him for throwing inside" Hunter, Jacque "Boo hoo, now that we're in first, everyone plays really hard against us" Jones, and AJ "I hate everyone not wearing the same uniform as me" Pierzynski. Another good change of scenery. Cabrera won't put up huge numbers, but he has the potential to put up good ones. Plus, the BoSox still have Millar, Ortiz, and Manny to do the heavy hitting. As for baserunning? Well, Cabrera and Reese aren't fat messes. Plus, in a minor deal, the Sox also picked up Dave Roberts from the Dodgers (yes, LA basically gave up a mediocre team's starting OF to make room for Steve Finley). Roberts, even though his average isn't too high, has kept his steal and steal percentage near the top of the league thanks to the tutelage of Maury Wills. Not a bad teacher.
3) The Twins win on addition by subtraction. Not only is Jones supposedly a good one, but the Twins can finally make room at first for the big-hitting Justin Morneau, who's been tearing up AAA for the past few years.
4) The Expos? Well, they'll be Peter Angelos's problem soon.

Finally, it turns out the Yankees are close to signing John Olerud, instead of Fred McGriff. Olerud reportedly would start over Tony Clark. Too bad this deal didn't happen during one of the 12 times Rickey Henderson was on the Yanks.

Bonus Ramblings

• Thursday morning, I had a dentist's appointment. Now, the dentist's office always has the Classical radio station playing in the background. I walk into the room and sit down, and all of a sudden, Sabre Dance starts playing. Great. Now I'm expecting the dentist to walk out with a circular saw or a ridiculously oversized power drill (a la Pee Wee's Big Adventure, I believe). Of course, next was a very soothing rendition of Canon in D, which almost put me to sleep right there on the chair.


• Later that day, I was talking to someone on the phone, and needed to be put on hold. The music that played? A trombone absolutely belting out Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered." Best hold music ever. I strongly considered asking the guy I was talking to where they get their hold music from.


• For those of you who missed it (including me), here's the reason why Garron Bible transferred to Delaware. Apparently, after Bible's shoulder surgery, the ND medical staff didn't believe Bible would be able to play this year. So, Bible went around until he found a team doctor who would clear him to play. Delaware's team doctor did, so that's where he chose to play.


• So, Kellen Winslow Jr. was been offered a deal that would make him the highest paid TE in the NFL without even playing a down! The problem? Too many incentive clauses, not enough guaranteed money. Gee, why would you need to prove you're a good player, when you can get paid to tell us that? The sad thing is that, with what the Postons have done, Kellen Sr. is starting to look like a jerk. I've officially lost all respect for the man. While we're on the subject, I'll post http://www.footballguys.com/04bang_negotiation.htm">this cartoon again. It has sound, so you may want to wait until you get home to view it.


• Just saw a commercial for Madden 2005. Apparently, since Ray Lewis is the cover boy, Tiburon made the decision to throw out all their textbook form-tackle animations, and instead go with Lewis's shoulder bumps and arm slaps (yes, I said arm slaps, as in those things that were made illegal due to Deacon Jones). Great thing to teach young footballers. No one can be proud of this one.

On that note, see you Wednesday for the football preview.

Transaction Wire

MLB Trade Deadline Edition - The Rumor Mill All-Stars

Starting Pitcher

Randy Johnson, Diamondbacks: It's Yankees or nothing, apparently. But do the Yankees have anything the D'Backs want?

Honorable Mention

Kris Benson, Pirates: The Pirates wanted the versatile Mike Cuddyer from the Twins in any deal for Benson. The Twins are looking to use Cuddyer to replace Corey Koskie as their everyday third baseman next year, so he's not available. Instead, the Twins are offering first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz, who plays great defense, but has been disappointing at the plate after a hot start to the 2001 season.
Shawn Estes, Rockies
Corey Lidle, Reds
Carl Pavano, Marlins
Kevin Millwood, Phillies
Derek Lowe, Red Sox: If Lowe goes, it would either be to the Phillies for Millwood, or to the Padres for OF Jay Payton. Why Jay Payton? Trot Nixon can't stay healthy this year, and Johnny Damon is about to join him on the DL.
Gil Meche, Mariners: It's been a disappointing season for the still young and still talented Meche. Not a bad pickup if he can stay healthy.
Victor Zambrano, Devil Rays: A rumor out of St. Petersburg has Zambrano going to the Mets for Scott Kazmir. Not a bad "right now" move to go for Zambrano, but I don't know if I'd give up Kazmir to do it.

Relief Pitcher

Ugeth Urbina, Tigers

Honorable Mention

Jose Mesa, Pirates: The biggest teams looking for relievers are the Giants and Cards, with the Cards looking to Mesa as a setup man. With the Mariners holding on to Eddie Guardado, Mesa was the biggest name until Urbina became available. Basically, this is a case of "if we can't get Urbina, we'll take Mesa" for both teams.
Ron Villone, Mariners
Mike Myers, Mariners: The Indians are looking for relievers, but don't want to give up too much. Villone and Myers are the top names mentioned.
Armando Benitez, Marlins

Catcher

Charles Johnson, Rockies

Honorable Mention

None. Guess this isn't a high demand position this year.

First Base

Carlos Delgado, Blue Jays: The Dodgers really want Delgado, and he'd be a good fit, but Carlos doesn't want to go anywhere.

Honorable Mention

Mike Sweeney, Royals: I'll just file this one under "Obligatory Mike Sweeney on the Trading Block Reference."
Fred McGriff, Free Agent: With Jason Giambi's health in question, McGriff has spent the past few days trying out with the Yankees.

Second Base

None, unless the Phillies were to use Chase Utley as part of a big deal.

Third Base

Ty Wigginton, Mets: With the emergence of David Wright, the Mets don't need Wigginton as a starting third baseman anymore. He's learned to play first, second, and left field - the question is whether or not he'll be playing those positions in Queens for the rest of the year.

Honorable Mention

Tony Batista, Expos

Shortstop

Nomar Garciaparra, Red Sox: The latest hot rumor has Nomar going to the Cubs for Matt Clement. Not a bad idea for either team. I'm sure I'll have more to say if this actually goes down.

Honorable Mention

Orlando Cabrera, Expos
Omar Vizquel, Indians: If the Nomar trade doesn't go down, Cabrera and Omar are next on the Cubs' list. Cabrera would likely go straight up for Alex S. Gonzalez.

Outfield

Carlos Beltran, Astros: Will he or will he not challenge Randy Johnson for the shortest stint as an Astro? The Phillies need an option in center field better than Ricky Ledee and Doug Glanville. The Dodgers... you heard it here first... are looking to add Beltran to an outfield already consisting of Dave Roberts and Milton Bradley.

Honorable Mention

Steve Finley, Diamondbacks: The two teams Finley would be willing to go to are the Dodgers and Padres. The Dodgers deal would have been a blockbuster including Randy Johnson, Guillermo Mota, Jason Werth, Paul LoDuca, and Arizona first base prospect Jason Loney. The Padres deal would involve Akinori Otsuka.
Larry Walker, Rockies: The teams that want him would split his time between the outfield and first base: Atlanta, Boston, and... you guessed it... the Dodgers. Sensing a theme here?
Preston Wilson, Rockies
Kenny Lofton, Yankees: Wilson for Lofton is an extremely slim possibilty. Why on earth would the Rockies want to do it, though? Oh yeah, apparently there's a rule that says the Yankees have to screw over stupid teams in all their deals.
Matt Lawton, Indians: Lawton is finally living up to his potential. Do the Indians keep him and think about a playoff run, or stick to their original plan of contending in '05 or '06, and trade Lawton for prospects?
Frank Catalanotto, Blue Jays

The Weekend in Review

Thoughts from a guy who's wondering if there's ever been a normal athlete named "Ricky"

• OK, so NCAA Football 2004 had ads for Sports Illustrated, Old Spice, and Nike. This year, they added adidas and Pontiac. Does someone want to explain why this game still costs $49.99, the same as every other game out there? (except for ESPN Football 2005 - they have to compete somehow)


• Speaking of ESPN 2005, it's too bad they don't make it for Gamecube. With the whole Ray Lewis Madden thing, ESPN was at least worth a Blockbuster rental for me this year.


• Also, speaking of Pontiac: My car - the Pontiac Vibe. The Official Performance Machine of the 2004 Women's NCAA Basketball Tournament? The Pontiac Vibe. Coincidence?


• OK, I'm trying to like Joe Buck because of his father, but then he goes on for 10 minutes about how great A-Rod is because of that fight against the Red Sox the other day. First of all, the pitch hit him in that huge contraption he had on his arm. Ow, I'm sure that really hurt. Why do you even need that thing in the first place? Oh yeah, it's a mental thing that gives you a huge edge over the pitcher. No wonder you're so "great." Ray Chapman didn't die from a spitball to the elbow, you know. Anyways, after Rodriguez gets hit, he starts cussing out the pitcher on national TV. Way to be a role model to thousands of kids. Then, Jason Varitek was only doing his job, and you start cussing him out. Alex, if I had any respect left for you, it's definitely gone now.


• Congrats to Lance Armstrong for doing it once again. Every year, he'll be a few minutes back after the first few stages, and every year, I'll say, "oh, maybe he won't get it this year." But, before you know it, he's in the lead. Every single year. You know, I can hate the Yankees, and Jordan, and Tiger Woods, and the Lakers, and John Elway. But I can't hate Lance. Shoot, the guy beat cancer. All he does is work hard, and he doesn't flaunt it. It's hard for anyone to hate him. Of course, considering Americans have basically spit on the French since the war thing started, I can see how he would be a symbol of France's US hatred, but even then, it's wrongly placed.


• The Lindsay Lohan vehicle Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen was released on DVD lately. Mini-Kanka has this one on his "must see" list, despite my sister Becky's protests that it's a "chick flick." Perhaps, I thought, my brother sees the new It Girl the same way creepy 45 year old "countdown til she's legal" do. No, he's only 13, it can't be. Then it came to me. Lindsay Lohan currently has the benefit of two images: there's cute, adorable freckle-faced Disney Lindsay, who keeps pumping out G-rated teeny movies. Then there's trucker hat, hanging out with the Hilton sisters Lindsay, which is the image that people like the Sports Guy go for. Let's hope mini-Kanka affection is more for the former image than the latter.


• You may or may not have already read this article from Women's Wall Street, about a plane flight the author took where she believed she was witnessing a dry run of a terrorist attack. (I ran across the link at NDNation; I don't read WWS regularly.) In it, a group of Syrians make repeated trips to an airplane restroom, apparently building a bomb piece by piece. Well, it turns out their story of being musicians checked out, and calm observers noted that the Syrians weren't doing anything a normal group of friends flying together wouldn't do. In fact, according to Snopes.com, the author's concern was actually considered more suspicious than the activities of the musicians. Apparently, the flight crew was instructed to keep an eye on her. Since she was frequently signaling for the stewardess and inquiring about the air marshalls, it was feared that she herself was a terrorist, trying to gather information on the location of the air marshalls on the flight. Good good.


• OK, so apparently I have no idea what I'm talking about. Ruth Riley is now back on the US Olympic team, replacing forward DeLisha Milton-Jones, who suffered, you guessed it... a knee injury.


• A question for those who know more about football than I do: There are many complaints about cornerbacks being to small to compete with today's receivers (sub-6 foot vs. 6'2" plus). Yet, there are also many recruits who come in and are projected to be a wide receiver or a linebacker. Is there are reason why that isn't "wide receiver or cornerback"? Or at least "wide receiver or safety"? Is this a size issue, or a speed issue, or is linebacker for some reason an easier adjustment? Any answers?


• For those of you who weren't "lucky" enough to see Summer Catch, the Cape Cod Baseball League is the premier college wooden bat summer league. It's only for the best of the best. Despite this, Steve Stanley managed to lead the CCBL in hitting for several years, and Brian Stavisky finished second behind Stanley in his final summer before going pro. This year, OF Craig Cooper and P Tom Thornton are playing in the league. Congrats to them. Of course, in addition to great baseball competition, they'll also be learning responsibility by working minimum-wage jobs such as cutting grass and the like. A "real" Cape Cod movie, Touching the Game, can be seen this Sunday at 5pm eastern on WGN.


• Former ND pitcher Chris Niesel, now in the Indians organization, has been assigned to the Class A Lake County Captains. The Captains' stadium is an hour east of Lorain, so I'll have to check him out some day.


• Best of luck to Rick Cornett, who will be undergoing surgery on his left foot due to a stress fracture.


• Of course, the big news of the weekend was Ricky Williams's retirement. Why walk away in your prime? Well, Ricky's never fit anyone's definition of normal. His rookie year, he was quoted in Sports Illustrated that he wanted the Saints to move to Texas and sign all the linemen he played with in college. Not a very mature sentiment by any means. Then, there were the postgame interviews with his helmet on, which prove he's not a very outgoing person. There are the rumors of a failed drug test, but Ricky also claimed he just wanted to see the world (hey, he has the money to do it) and have kids, just like a normal person. The timing wasn't perfect, but why can't a man follow his dreams. Everyone has a right to feel jealous, since we don't have his talent, and he's just "throwing it away." But, there's no reason to be doing something when you're hearts not in it. Williams is also friends with running backs Robert Smith and Jim Brown, both of whom retired in their primes. After the Mo Clarrett situation, I might not have wanted to listen to Brown's advice. But, no one should call Jim Brown a poor source of advice before much more research.

A final reminder: as in the MLB, the KankaMatic trade deadline is July 31. All emails/KankaNation posts/whatever must be time stamped by 11:59:59pm eastern time on the 31st. Transaction Wire at its normal time, complete with the "trade bait all-stars."

Transaction Wire

• Warriors trade Nick Van Exel to Portland for Dale Davis and Dan Dickau. Well, not only do I get to keep all the Dan Dickau fans in the audience informed on his current whereabouts, but I also gave everyone a chance to say, "Wow, Nick Van Exel is still playing?"


• Hornets sign former Nugget Chris Andersen. Now that Andersen has established himself in the NBA, Tom Timmermans is in perfect position to take over his role as Poster Child of the NBDL.


• Lakers reacquire Vlade Divac. Ah, you can't make this up.


• Cavs trade Kedrick Brown and Kevin Ollie for Eric Snow. Brown is a decent player, but with LeBron and Luke Jackson (and to a lesser extent, Dajuan Wagner), he gets lost in the shuffle. Of course, now he gets stuck behind Allen Iverson. Kevin Ollie is a good guy, but he was basically just the Cavs' "oh crap, we need a point guard and Mateen Cleaves is still hurt" guy. Snow is just what the Cavs need - a good unselfish guy. He's proved it by a) putting up great assist-per-game and assist-to-turnover numbers and b) playing with Iverson all these years without complaining. The only question now is how well will "incumbent" Cavs PG Jeff McInnis take this trade? The Cavs have said Snow will be McInnis's backup, but I wouldn't put it past McInnis to take this the wrong way. Here's hoping he proves me wrong.


• Titans release Eddie George. He'll still want to start, and with his injury problems, he'll need a great OLine. Maybe in a few years, he can return to his home state and become a good mentor to William Green and/or Lee Suggs.


• White Sox trade RPs John Rausch and Gary Majewski to Montreal for Carl Everett. Hmm, they must have had another Family Night coming up.


• Mets trade Karim Garcia to Baltimore for RP Mike DeJean. Well, you can never have too much relief pitching, especially when you're thinking about a playoff run. However, you apparently can have to many average-ish power hitting right fielders. Once the Mets acquired Richard Hidalgo, you knew that either Garcia or Shane Spencer were out the door.


• Dodgers trade C Tommy Piazza to the Mets. Wait, how did the Dodgers get Mike's younger brother in the first place? The draft doesn't even have 64 rounds anymore. Oh well, at least Tommy can now enjoy some Ozzie Canseco-esque success, just as when Ozzie and Jose were with the A's. (Or, maybe he'll be more like Chris Gwynn on the Padres.)


• Indians recall OF Grady Sizemore from AAA Buffalo. The 2003 Futures Game MVP now makes the Indians all the more Gammonsesque. Speaking of Gammonsesque, Sizemore joins Kansas City SP Zach Grienke as Gammonsesquity's "holy crap, I didn't actually expect to be able to use this guy this year" players.


• Speaking of hot prospects, I hear this David Wright guy the Mets called up to play 3B is pretty good.


• Cubs trade Ricky Gutierrez to Boston for a PTBNL or cash considerations. Hey, I've got some loose change in my couch, can I acquire Ricky Gutierrez. Or is this a case of, "Yeah, we'd consider giving you cash, but, it's freakin' Ricky Gutierrez!"


• To make room for Alex S Gonzalez on the 40 man roster, the Cubs release Rey Ordonez. Don't the Cubs have any middle infield prospects? Are you even allowed to have Rey Ordonez and Ricky Gutierrez at the same time? Do the Cubs have some sort of secret bet with the Devil Rays to see who can carry the most crappy shortstops and still win? (The Rays have Rey Sanchez and Julio Lugo.) I'm a middle infielder, can I pretend to be a prospect for either of these teams so they can stop doing this? (Sorry Mike and Brittany, probably not what you wanted to hear after the Cards' and Cubs' recent play.)


• After refusing to waive his no trade clause, Jon Olerud is released by the Mariners. Along with Rich Aurilia's release, this gives the Mariners a chance to give good PT to prospects Bucky Jacobsen and Justin Leone (along with P Travis Blackley). But, the real reason I mentioned this is to bring up a great Ricky Henderson legend. Olerud and Henderson played together on the Blue Jays, Mets, and Mariners (in that order). When Ricky joined the Mariners, he asked Olerud why he wore a helmet in the field. "Well," Olerud explained, "I had a head injury in college. If I get hit in the head again, it could kill me." "Oh," Ricky replied. "I had a teammate on the Mets who wore a helmet just like that." That teammate, of course, was also Olerud. (Of course, this story is also told about when Ricky first joined the Mets.)


• Last week, I reported that Carlos Beltran will probably go to an NL team, most likely the Dodgers.  Shortly thereafter, I realized how stupid that sounded with Milton Bradley and Dave Roberts already in LA.  Turns out, it's Carlos Delgado that the Dodgers are interested in.  Delgado, however, doesn't want to go anywhere.


• Speaking of not wanting to go anywhere, Randy Johnson wants to stay in Arizona.  The Red Sox, Yankees, and Angels are the lead contenders if he decides to go.  Arizona has one of the few smart management teams in the league however.  Instead of accepting $25 and a guy who may hit .250 in AAA from the Yankees, as most people do, they went a little Kanka-esque.  The D-Backs said they'll consider giving up Johnson, if they can get Jorge Posada.  Interesting choice, but it's not a bad idea to ask for a lot in this case.


• After Johson, Pirate Kris Benson is the next biggest name at SP.  The Twins, Angels, Mets, and Rangers are interested, but no one wants to give up anything (specifically the Twins, who are looking to replace Corey Kosie with Mike Cuddyer at 3B next year.  Maybe they can give up Justin Morneau - they haven't seemed to find a use for him yet.)


• Rumor has it that the Giants want to give Jose Mesa a second try.  Since the Mariners refuse to part ways with Eddie Guardado, Mesa is actually the best closer available.  The Cards are also looking at Mesa as a setup guy.


• ND Football Verbal Commitments: QB Evan Sharpley, RB Asaph Schwapp, WR David Grimes and David Nelson, LB Scott Smith and Kevin Washington, and DB David Bruton and Brandon Harrison. Of this group, only Harrison is given any "stars" by Rivals.com - 4 of them. He's also ranked the #16 best cornerback prospect. Harrison is/will be a gradutate of Dayton's Chaminade-Julienne High School, the same school that produced Dominic Yonto's freshman rommate Chris Heck, as well as NB women's basketball standout Megan Duffy.

KankaMatic updates tomorrow - I mean it. The scores are up to date now, but that's it.

The Weekend in Review

and by "The Weekend," I mean "NCAA Football 2005," since that's how I spent most of my weekend anyways

Originally, I wasn't going to get the game on Friday night, mostly because I'm lazy and didn't want to drive 15 minutes to the mall.  But, fortunately, Blockbuster has started their new GameRush concept - yet another place to buy/sell/rent video games.  Blockbuster is more or less right down the street from me.
Since GameRush is the new kid in town, they're offering great deals.  "Most money for buy backs!" netted me $12 for NCAA 2004, and "new games only $39.99 with trade in!" cut my total price to $30 and change, tax included.  Hey, I'll take it.  Plus, it makes my game collection evil-free: I dumped Derek Jeter's All Star Baseball in exchange for Albert Pujols's MVP Baseball, dumped Carson Palmer's NCAA 2004 for Larry Fitzgerald's 2005, and I'm holding on to Mike Vick's version of Madden for an extra year.  Take that, Ray Lewis.  Score one for your two murder victims and your four illegitimate children.  Yep.
So, I raced home.  I painfully erased the 2004 "files" from my memory card: my profile that had all but 4 pennants unlocked, the soon-to-be-powerhouse Lorain State (Lorain's not a state) Lightning, the draft class that produced Darrell (yeah, I deleted it.  whoops.), my coaching career that started at Kent State and went on to give ND 2 titles in my first 3 years there...  Progress is progess.  Besides, I needed to make space to begin Lorain State anew.  I decided to start as an "Academic School," because I like to build up from the bottom.  Turns out, it's not a good idea to start as a school with D ratings when you've never played before, even in the conference I'm in (more later).  Cool new feature, though on Create-a-Team.  Not only do you name the city and state, but you also get to point out where in the state that city is located.  Hmm, maybe this will give me more recruits with actual northeast Ohio city names.  After taking 5 minutes to decide exactly where on the map Lorain is (as in, "is it here, or one pixel to the left?"; not as in "I have no concept of geography whatsoever), I realized how much of a dork I was (once again).  Oh well, time to modify my players to turn them into people I know, because I'm a dork like that.  There was one guy I had to leave alone - 4th string RB Keenan Hall. Hey, he's unstoppable.  It's as if he's a big brick building or something.  Anyways, back to the player modifications.  It was here that I first learned how Madden-esque this game is becoming.  They have the new Revolution helmets, plus the two other new styles.  Need a good discussion on helmet styles?  Talk to Ellen.
OK, time to start a dynasty.  Our head coach, obviously, is Joe Yonto.  He believes in a Balanced Run attack, because, as we all know, gimmicks don't pull the train.  Now, should Lorain State go Independent or join the MAC?  Well, I've tried that already, plus I'm going to suck, so let's go for something new.  There's nobody in the Sunbelt Conference that really belongs in IA football (except maybe for Utah State, alma mater of ahhh... Mistah Weavah!), so let's replace them with teams of a more meaningful flavor - Princeton, Penn, Hofstra (for Dave), Montata, Youngstown State (Youngstown isn't a state, but it did get away with tons of crap under Jim Tressel).  Now, it's time to take the field.  After a very disappointing 2-3 start to the season, I decided to check out ND.
Of course, by "check out ND," I don't mean "play a game as ND against a crappy team," I mean "jump right into a dynasty."  A few things I've learned thus far: 1) Ryan Grant seems almost Julius-esque in this game.  Let's hope that he plays like that this fall.  2) Carlyle is the man as a receiver.  Because of him, I almost don't even need Rhema McKnight.  (Fortunately, I also don't need Stovall.)  Defense looks OK, too.  There are quite a few "that's the best we have in this spot?" realizations I came to after playing the first game (a 45-0 thrashing of Michigan; screw you Michigan).  I'll have more of that in a football preview article some time over the next few weeks.  But, here's one thought: remember Sports Guy's theory about picking NFL playoff winners based on the backup QB?  Basically, he never trusted the Colts, because they were one injury away from having a then severely untested Kelly Holcomb as their QB.  Now, I'm sure Pat Dillingham is a good guy, and he has won games for us, but it looks like he's our best option if Quinn were to go down (perish the thought).
All in all, a good game.  It wasn't a game that made huge leaps like 2004 did.  For instance, 2004 introduced a lot of new things, like the College Classics.  This year, the College Classics didn't even change.  However, I can't complain about the gameplay at all - Grant dances around too much, even when I'm controlling him, and I still have a tendency to drop the ball waaay too much.  Dah.  Maybe this game is too realistic.  Plus, the first time you play away in a big game, and the controller starts to shake, it's something else.  It sucks for a person like me who likes to call tons of audibles, hot routes, and defensive shifts, but that's just a new thing I have to factor in.  Good times, and I'm sure I'll get my $30 worth in no time.
 

Other items on the game

:
Signs: As a take off of Madden's new Create-a-Fan feature, NCAA has a Create-a-Sign feature, where you can make custom signs for each of several different situations.  Of course, I go into the feature for the first time, and the default sign is "Lee Corso is a genius."  Dah.  Well, I had to change that, and here are my custom signs:

• General : More Cowbell!


• Passing TD: Out of Control


• Rushing TD: Power pulls the train


• Big Play/First Down: Get 'em up! (a reference to the Bone first down thing)


• Interception: Gimmicks don't pull the train


• Fumble: Better to die a small boy (all I could fit)


• Blowout: Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

Custom Playbooks: Well, not as cool as it sounds, but you get to pick the 9 formations your offense will use.  Finally, I can replace one of the five Ace formations with a good, old fashioned Frank Leahy T.
Recruiting: They stepped it up a notch this year.  In 2004, I could start as a crappy team, then unexpectedly pull in a coupld 5 star guys and be set.  That doesn't look to be the case this year.  Gulp.
Matchup Stick: OK, it lets you see who's good and who's bad, but that's it.  Not really worthy of too much hype, but I guess it could be useful if you want to audible to a run over a weak D-Lineman, or hot route a receiver to a fly pattern against their version of Clifford Jefferson.  A good idea, but I guess I was expecting more out of it.
Academic Issues: Sometimes players do bad things, and you have to punish them for it.  If you're too easy, the NCAA gets upset.  As I figured, the game had no balls, and started all the schools with a generic "B" rating for discipline.  There was one other thing that was missing, but hopefully be there next year.  I was expecting that the recruits would have a discipline rating - something that says how often (if at all) the guy will get in trouble.  That way, as in real life, you can take the Willie Williams, or you can be like Ara, and take the not-as-talented guys with good character, and just coach them into becoming great players.  Some notes on Lorain State's academic issues so far: In week one, Frankie and I were both in trouble.  Frankie's grades were a little low (ok, he and I were underacheivers in real life), and I had forgotten to sign and return a progress report.  What, is this third grade?  That is very realistic, though.  In week two, Ellen, normally a good student, was a little late for curfew.  Keep this up, and Dave might end up in Carroll.  Everything was OK, but we did have to use WR Dominic (Ellen loves him!) as the kickoff specialist for a quarter.
 
Transaction Wire as usual on Wednesday.  As I've started to do lately, I'll include all the latest MLB and NBA trade/free agent rumors I come across.  Also, I ran the latest KankaMatic stat update, but I realize I haven't updated the web site yet.  If I have time before my 9:30 softball game Tuesday, I'll do it then.  Until then, I want you all to think about how terrible fan voting is.  Here are some examples: last season's American Idol (I didn't watch, but I hear there was much controversy), Jeter/Nomah 1-2 at AL shortstop and Giambi at first base, and Diana Taurasi over Annika Sorenstam as Female Athlete of the Year in an awards show presented by... you guessed it... ESPN.  After you've come up with a good response, be sure to email Dan Shanoff, and include the words "publicity contest," "drunken idiots," and "bandwagon."  Thank you.

Transaction Wire

• Lakers trade Shaq to the Heat for Lamar Odom, Brian Grant, Caron Butler, and a first round pick. Interesting. Odom fills their lazy mess quota. Grant recently beat out PJ Brown for the "Didn't He Retire for Being Too Old Yet?" Award. Other than that, Butler is a good player, and Shaq doesn't have very many years left in him. So, overall, we have two uh players + 1 good young player + 1 high draft pick = 1 "great" player who won't be around very long. I guess it evens out.


• Suns re-sign Steve Nash, the team he played for in the days when everyone kept confusing his name with Rick Nash. Rick Nash, coincidentally, was the second highest rated high school basketball player behind Magic Johnson after their senior years.


• Grizzlies sign free agent Brian Cardinal. Yep.


• Jazz sign Carlos Boozer. Yep.


• Astros fire Jimy Williams and hire Phil Gardner. This brings up three thoughts: 1) You kind of saw this coming when Williams was introduced to the home crowd at the All Star Game, and everyone booed. 2) This once again brings up the question, why do you hire multiple 100 game loser Gardner over Cito Gaston? Seriously, did Gaston fall off the face of the earth? Can we at least do a "Where are they now?" on this guy? Oh, and 3) Gary Gaetti was named the interim hitting coach. Nice.


• Randy Johnson officially put himself on the trading block. As expected, the Yankees and Red Sox are the big contenders. Here we go...


• Speaking of Johnson being traded, there may be another player making an extremely short stay in Houston (remember that?). Carlos Beltran may be on his way out, and experts say he'll be a good match in the National League, especially LA. Beltran is a free agent at the end of the year. So, he's useless to a non-contender, unless they can get some prospects out of him.


• Matt Kerls was named Assistant Equiment Manager for the University of Notre Dame. Since Kerls graduated this past May, I'm assuming this is his full time job. Now, I've known some great managers in my time, but this move to ensure indefinite VIP status at the 'Backer is the ultimate coup de grace. Kerls, you may remember, was also the "Token Kurt Angle Fan" of the Morrissey WWF Raw watchers. (there's one in every group)

The Weekend in Review

This column was compiled from notes made in that infamous notebook... that I still owe Mike 69 cents for.

The Quotes

(I apologize in advance for the number of people I get in trouble here.)

• "I told my dad, "Hey Dad, I bet you never thought there'd be a Dr. Cronk.' He accused me of cheating." - Cronk


• "Are you decent? Are you boofing?" - Kanka, upon entering someone else's hotel room


• "I drive a Dodge Stratus! Big time stuff!" - Mike


• "It's friends like us who ruin weddings." - Byrer


• "It's got to be Miller Time pretty quick." - Mr. Brintnall, after taking wedding pictures


• "Lisa's ready for tonight." - Kanka (who said that?)


• "Is that Cronk's Sister? I've been hearing stories about her for years, but boy is she hot!" - Vnak


• "The 'Backer lives!" - a rather unsober Ellen, during a Bon Jovi song


• "My drinks match my tie!" - Kanka


• "There's a cow! MOOOOO!" - Ellen

Other Trip Happenings

• The trip there: On the flight there, I sat next to a guy who noticed I was reading The Mental Game of Baseball. After learning I was a baseball player, he informed me that his son was, too. "Are you a parhtr?" he asked. "Pardon?" "Are you a parhtr?" I was wondering why he would be asking me if I played for the Pirates, but after the third time he repeated himself, I realized he was asking if I was a power hitter. No, I'm not, sorry.


• My favorite Minnesota road signs: "Normandale" - named before or after Hoosiers came out? "Mtka" (Minnetonka) - "Who would win between Mtka and a hurricane? ... Wait, the hurricane's name is Hurrican Mtka."


• Leinenkugel's Brewery: Klondike, you should have gone. It was on your way home. You got FREE BEER, and you could have bought a hat. Plus, on the tour, they gave a free keychain to the person who travelled the farthest. Of course, we could have been jerks and asked you to pull out your driver's license.


• The Mall of America: Yeah, so Saturday night I was bored (I don't have a cell phone, so I couldn't get a hold of Pete), so I drove down to the Mall of America. There is a lot of space in that mall. So much so, that there are three of almost every store in there. Great, why not just have bigger stores with more stuff? I mean, in some of those stores, the selection was downright disappointing. And then, they have a gift shop (or three)? Great. I did, however, come dangerously close to picking up a Lindsay Whalen college jersey on sale for $40. Dangerously close. I did also see a shirt that Mike and Yonto would enjoy - "Joliet Criminals Baseball Club."


• The top 25 movies of the last 25 years: I've officially given up on trying to argue with list shows. They're just too stupid when it comes to ranking things. However, I did note two things: 1. If I wanted to be mean, I could point out the resemblance between Ellen and Rosie Perez. 2. Dave, you're right - the Sports Guy does have a weak, nasaly voice. One might say it's "a perfect voice for writing."


• Between the Mall of America and MSP Airport, I think Minnesota's official nickname should be changed to "The Land of Uneccessarily Large Buildings." Can Jesse Ventura make this happen?


• Speaking of the airport, while waiting for my flight home, I spotted a rather large young man in a USC hat (in other words, there was a great chance he was a football player). Now, I wanted to kick him squar in the nyuts. But, since Kirk Herbstreit is a football genius, I've learned that USC has great "team speed." I never would have been able to outrun him with my backpack on.


• The flight home: The plane I was supposed to be on came in 45 minutes late, and had a mechnical problem. Not a big deal; our flight was just moved to another gate nearby. We got on the plane only 10 minutes late, but... not realizing where we were, the refreshment truck passed us by. We waited 40 minutes just so the truck could come back and give us our supply of pop and pretzels. Now, the flight's only 90 minutes long - I really wouldn't have minded spending $1.25 on a pop when I got home. And, as we now know, I could have just gotten the pretzels online.

Stuff Actually Related to Sports

• My sources on the East Coast (ok, it's Ellen) tell me that Tom Timmermans has joined the Nets' summer league team. The Nets like to run there offense through the high post, so who's better than "The Hub."


• Speaking of former ND basketballers, it's great to see Charles Thomas doing well in sports.


• And speaking of "speaking of"s... Speaking of former athletes in unusual new jobs, I was fired up to see Keith Lockhart conducting the Boston Pops on the Fourth of July.


• You know, I blame Carlos Boozer's agent for this whole mess he's having. "Yeah, we want to stay with the Cavs. But let's sign an offer sheet so they have to match it." Good, good.


• Joe Torre has Jeter 7th and Soriano 8th in the AL lineup? OK, let's put one of the most undeserving starters 7th, and the guy who strikes out too much in front of the pitcher. Torre's a genius.


• Indians catcher Vic Martinez declined this year's All Star invitation, after two straight years in the Futures Game. In his place, surprise Indians starter Jake Westbrook was selected to replace the injured Curt Schilling. That's five All Stars for the Tribe. I believe the word we're looking for is "upside." Or, maybe we're looking for a phrase - "worst bullpen ever!"

Seen on the Internet

• If you write a 100 word essay, you could become a part of U93's ND Football Pre-Game Show.


• Jayson Stark is reporting that the Mets are putting Ty Wigginton on the block to make way for Futures Game starter David Wright. Speaking of the Futures Game, it's time for me to start some New Player Auctions....


• OK, we probably know where this list is going.

Your 2004 KankaNation All Stars

Composed of players from our seven favorite teams - Yankees, Cubs, Mets, Mariners, Blue Jays, Rangers, and Indians (not of players from our KankaMatic teams)

Catcher: Victor Martinez, Indians. .290 with 63 RBI. He took off after being moved to cleanup.
Honorable Mention: Michael Barrett, Cubs. You can make the argument for Barrett to win this, but hey, it's my site.

First Base: Derrek Lee, Cubs. Quietly having a great year at .304/12/49.
Honorable Mention: Mike Piazza, Mets. The Mets site lists him as a 1B, so that's where I put him. .290/16/40 isn't bad, but I'm giving the edge to Lee's superior glovework.

Second Base: Alfonso Soriano, Rangers. He's a bit shaky at second, and I wouldn't bat him leadoff, but he's still a good player.
Honorable Mention: Ronnie Belliard, Indians. He fell off after flirting with .400 at the beginning of the year, but he's still hitting .304. He knows he isn't the greatest on defense, but he does know how to position himself to make up for it. A great "contagious hustle" guy. Todd Walker, Cubs. Let him play!

Third Base: Hank Blalock, Rangers. 2nd in the league in homers (23), 5th in RBI. I'd take him over the guy who skipped town.
Honorable Mention: Aramis Ramirez, Cubs; Alex Rodriguez, Yankees. Ramirez is hitting .326; A-Rod is totally awesome! (maybe)

Shortstop: Michael Young, Rangers. Is there a Breakout Player of the Year Award? This guy's always been a very good hitter, but .332 with 12 homers will get you noticed even by non-Gammonsesque people. Also is handling a position change very well.
Honorable Mention: None. A defensive slump by Omar Vizquel has overshadowed a decent offensive year, but he's not quite All Star worthy.

Outfield: Gary Sheffield, Yankees; Ichiro, Mariners; None. I actually could find three outfielders having "great" years between these three teams. Many are having good years, but only these two (Sheffield with 16 HR; Ichiro hitting .321) are doing very well.
Honorable Mention: Moises Alou and Sammy Sosa, Cubs. Alou has 19 HR and has been very clutch this year, but he's only hitting .276... and he pees on his hands. Sammy's been hurt again and has missed quite a few games. Matt Lawton, Indians. Lawton's hitting .355 as a leadoff man, leads the Indians with 15 HR, and is 3rd on the team with 49 RBI. But, he's turning in to Manny Ramirez with his laxidazical, sometimes boneheaded play in left field. That keeps him off the club.

Designated Hitter: Travis Hafner, Indians. "Pronk" is hitting .313 and is second on the team with 61 RBI. Many here in Cleveland were wondering if he'd ever break out - he has. And all it cost the Indians was Einar Diaz. This is another "contagious hustle" guy - teammates see the big guy rumble around the bases, and they want to do it too. My favorite moment was last year, when he hit it into the right-center gap at the Metrodome, and he rumbled out a triple for the cycle. Who knew?
Honorable Mention: None. Well, only 5 teams qualified, anyways.

Starting Pitcher: Kenny Rogers, Rangers (12-3); Cliff Lee, Indians (9-1, 3.77); Carlos Zambrano, Cubs (9-4, 2.61); Javy Vazquez, Yankees (10-5).
Honorable Mention: Kevin Brown, Yankees (7-1); Kerry Wood, Cubs (2.71 ERA); Al Leiter, Mets (5-3, 2.40); Tom Glavine, Mets (5th in NL in ERA); Jake Westbrook and CC Sabathia, Indians (3rd and 5th in the AL in ERA)

Relief Pitcher: Mariano Rivera, Yankees (#1 in AL in saves - 32, ERA 0.99); Francisco Cordero (#2 in AL in saves - 27).
Honorable Mention: LaTroy Hawkins, Cubs (2.47 ERA); Braden Looper, Mets (18/20 saves, 1.88 ERA); Jason Frasor, Blue Jays (2.17 ERA).

Let the arguments begin.

So, I'm a little behind on the KankaMatic happenings. A softball bye tomorrow should give me time to catch up. Pete, I'm still working on that trade, too...

Transaction Wire

• Cavs fail to pick up Carlos Boozer's option, effectively releasing him. Boozer is now a restricted free agent. This is actually a good move, though. Instead of letting him play one more year at $500,000, then losing him as an unrestricted free agent, the Cavs now can sign him to a new contract of $4-6mil a year for 4-6 years.


• David Graves joins the Washington Wizards' summer league team. Like the Cavs, the Wizards were terrible from long distance last year. While the Cavs looked at Matt Carroll and Danny Miller before deciding on Jason Capono (now a Charlotte Bobcat), the Wizards look to yet another ND product in Graves.


• Spurs release Matt Carroll. This is supposedly similar to Carlos Boozer's situation - the Spurs will look to resign Carroll with a new contract. That's probably a sign that the Spurs are taking Carroll seriously as a member of their team.


• After helping out with Mike Brey's basketball camp, Torrian Jones is scheduled for a second tryout with "Jelly Bean" Bryant's Boston Frenzy of the ABA ("Jelly Bean" is Kobe's father, and I believe he is also a player-coach). All the lanky and long-armed Jones need is a fro to make him the perfect ABA player.


• ND Baseballers Brennan Grogan, Chris Fournier, and Chris Vasami have decided to transfer. All three suffered from an overabundance of players at their respective positions - Grogan and Fournier in the outfield, and Vasami at pitcher.


• Well, it now appears that Ruth Riley will not be playing for team USA in the Olympics this year. Earlier this year, I reported that she had made the cut. Now, it appears that, after Swin Cash and Diana Taurasi took roster spots 10 and 11 on the 12-woman team, the 12th spot was between Ruth and Yolanda Griffith. Unfortunately, Griffith, also a center, was chosen over Ruth to back up Lisa "Ruth Riley can't guard me" Leslie.

I'll see everyone this weekend. Weekend in Review returns on Monday night. Just in time for the MLB All-Star Game on July 13, I'll name the KankaNation All-Stars - the best starting lineup that can be made out of the 7 favorite teams of our KankaNation regulars.

The Weekend in Review

The last ramblings Cronk will enjoy as a free man

• Ah, so the Sports Guy is starting to watch VH1. Unfortunately, I watch waaay too much VH1. Sad really. They do far too many countdowns, and I don't even pay attention to those. But, they do have a show called "Best Week Ever." It's an interesting little show where D-list celebrities (people who have the word "Comedian" and/or "Actor" listed under their name, but you've never seen them before in your life) make fun of the stuff that A-list stars have done over the past week. Surprisingly good. A major plus is that now, L'il John has joined the cast of commentators. One week, the show was discussing a school board's decision to add Jewel's book of poetry to their summer reading list. So, L'il John read a short Jewel poem as only he can. Then, he commented, "that's not a poem, that's a run on sentence! Yea-uh!"


• Since Sports Guy watches "The Real World" religiously, and since my buddy Matt admitted to watching it occassionally, I decided to sit down a watch a few episodes. Good Lord, that show is as addicting as crack. It helps, of course, that there's always hot girls on it. Thanks to a VH1 special on reality shows, I picked up this little tidbit of information, which makes the viewing experience all the more entertaining: Reality shows don't take normal people - they only cast people who are blatant stereotypes. Take, for instance, that this year's "Real World" cast had the New York meathead, the trophy wife, the psycho hose beast, the punk girl. Entertaining. As for the Sports Guy's comments: Yes, the Asian girl was insanely hot. It's funny that the punk girl had to leave the show after she realized she didn't fit in with the other stereotypical braindead MTV types. I don't think Jaquese was gay, he was too laid back and smart for those idiots. Y'know what I'm saying?


• I'm also glad the SG agrees on the Moneyball approach to offense. Hey, you can get as many guys on base as you want, but if they can't score, you're not getting anywhere. Look who won the championship last year - the Marlins. They know how to steal bases, hit and run, and lay down a bunt. Oh, they also know how to play defense. Statheads say bunts are a wasted out, but last I checked, you still win by having more runs, not by having a higher OPS. Hello, you play to win the game!


• While we're on the subject of statheads, take a look at the Transaction Wire site I link to. There's nothing like watching a bunch of guys who played the bench in little league trying to belittle Major Leaguers for hitting .260 but having a low VORP (or whatever the crap they make fun of people for).


• What would it be like if all of us KankaManiacs were SportsCenter anchors, or play-by-play/color commentators? Well, we'd be something like John Kruk. You just have to watch Baseball Tonight or read his Page 2 columns, and enjoy the fact he's not taking things too seriously. "The Practice?!"


• Best home run call of the moment, made by a guy who does ESPNews and the weekend SportsCenters: "Barry Bonds steps up to the plate. He's got 99 problems, but that pitch ain't one!"


• In our cable package, ESPN 1 and 2, Fox Sports, TBS, and WGN are all right next to each other. So, during baseball season, my remote's Up and Down buttons get a great workout. The other day, Kaz Tadano was pitching for the Indians (and pitching very well - 19 K's in his last 2 games). I flipped to TBS, and I saw Kevin Millar sporting the Mike Piazza look - bleach blond hair and a fu man chu. Then, I hit the Up button one more time, and WGN was showing what appeared to be an actual gay porno. You can't make this up - but why would you want to?


• I have to admit, the Shea Stadium organist is pretty good. Who else can play "Blister in the Sun," or turn "Mortal Combat" into Charge? Best performance I've heard since the Wrigley organist played Pink at one of my visits to the ballpark.


• A few weeks ago, I commented on Carson Daly's new trend of wearing a sweatband elbow-level with a button-down shirt. Well, while we're starting baseball related trends, I've got a good one. I'm going to start wearing batting gloves in my back pocket, no matter what I'm wearing. The only problem is that this may become expensive as gloves become lost/stolen/dropped.

ND Basketball All-Time Hair Team

Monty Williams, F - well, it was in style at the time
Orlando Woolridge, C - rockin' the part
Dave Batton, C - my hair looks like that when it gets long
Leo Klier, F
Kelly Tripucka, F - I think my mom had that hairdo in the late '70s, too.

ND Basketball All-Time Name Team

Damian Sweet, G - or, as mini-Kanka would say, "Damian Sa-weet!"

Noble Kizer, G - nothing I like more than a noble kaiser

Ed "Moose" Krause, C

Harold "Booty" Swanagan, F

Ken Barlow, F - ok, not really a great name, but if you were Marcus, wouldn't you tell everyone that that was your dad?

View the nominees here

KankaMatic is more or less up to date, but I still have some work to do. I'll also try to put a Transaction Wire up Wednesday night. See everyone this weekend.

Transaction Wire

• Three way trade: Astros get Carlos Beltran, A's get Octavio Dotel, and Royals get three prospects. Well, once again the A's are involved in a deal that involves the Royals dumping a good outfielder (Johnny Damon was the first, and Jermaine Dye was a good player at the time of the trade). The Astros get a major defensive upgrade in center, moving Craig Biggio to left. Adding a young guy with speed and power to the lineup never hurts, either. Getting rid of Dotel and naming Paul Manieri product Brad Lidge closer is great for my fantasy team, but isn't too smart for the Astros. They went from the deepest bullpen backend last year, with Lidge, Dotel, and Billy Wagner, to a very weak pen overall - there's basically no one in front of Lidge. The A's did well in getting a replacement for Arthur Rhodes (Rhodes is still there, he just isn't doing too well), but I would have gone for Lidge. The Royals continue to feel the effects of a tight budget, but they did end up with a good catching prospect (Benito Santiago can't play forever... or can he?) and a good 3B prospect (Joe Randa is decent but no superstar).


• Indians sign Aaron Boone. Not a bad idea. A veteran influence on the bench is always good, and it shows the Indians are willing to spend some money to win. However, Boone does have a tendency to be a walking leg injury (or, maybe he's a not-walking leg injury). My favorite quote from Boone's press conference: "I'm fired up." Boone admitted to having chills while putting on his Indians uniform for the first time; his father Ray started his career with the Tribe back in '48. Aaron's wife noticed a close resemblance between the two - I'll let you decide:
  
  Now, the question is, whose place does Boone take. The obvious choice is current third baseman Casey Blake. But, on second look, Blake is on pace to put up numbers very similar to Boone's averages (about .260, 26 HR, 95 RBI). Plus, Blake can play third, first, and (supposedly) second, while Boone can play anywhere on the infield except first (although he prefers the left side). So, let's say we move Blake to first. That means the guy to go is good glove, no hit 1B Ben Broussard. Well, Broussard will have none of this. In the last 5 games, Broussard has responded with 14 RBI, including a game-deciding grand slam, a go-ahead 3 run HR, a walkoff double, and a game-tying 2 run HR in the 9th. He's not going quitely. Option three, with 2B/SS Brandon Phillips (remember him?) and SS/2B Jhonny Peralta (that's not a typo) on the way, would be to make Blake the "extra" (aka utility) infielder. This of course would spell the end of Omar Vizquel (not a huge surprise), and John McDonald - who is probably the best defensive infielder in the league (Gammons backs me up on this one, and you have to see him in person - he plays every position like it's shortstop), but was never able to sustain a decent batting average (except for last year, when then injury bug bit often).


• Mariners trade Freddy "The Rock" Garcia and Ben Davis to the White Sox for Miguel Olivo, Jeremy Reed, and Mike Morse. Well, Indians fans we starting to whisper the words "playoff run," but this trade might kill that for this year. Garcia joins Mark Buehrle as "are we really good and having a bad spell, or are we washed up at age 25?" pitchers. Davis is a decent catcher. Until now, he platooned with Dan Wilson; let's see how he does as the man (unless a platoon with Sandy Alomar) is in the works. Seattle needs youth, and they got a great deal out of this one. Now that he's an everyday catcher, Olivo could turn into a rather good all-around player. Reed, I'm told, is ready to become a star outfielder in a few short years. Plug him in with Randy Winn and Ichiro, and that's a great place to rebuild around. Morse is a shortstop that helps the Mariners cover ground after trading away young shortstop Carlos Guillen, who is quietly having a career year in Detroit.


• Rockets get Tracy McGrady, Tyronn Lue, Reece Gaines and Juwan Howard from the Orlando Magic for Steve Francis, Cuttino Mobley and Kelvin Cato. First of all - the "other guys": they basically cancel each other out; their real purpose is salary cap finagling. I don't blame McGrady for wanting to go home to Orlando, but once again we have a case of someone who took big money to go to a crappy team, then whined about it when they didn't want to lose any more. Is McGrady-Yao the new Shaq-Kobe? I don't know. McGrady isn't a great defensive player, even though he says he is (MAJOR KANKA SPORTS PHILOSOPHY RULE: Saying "I'm this" or "I'm not that" doesn't get you anywhere. Prove it through your actions. Listen up, Leprechaun Legion (become such a great cheering section that they can't help but move your seats) and Kellen Winslow II ("I'm not a bad person.")). Plus, the offense just has to go through Yao. Can McGrady handle that?


• Chris Niesel signs with the Indians; is assigned to Class A Mahoning Valley of the New York-Penn League. Niesel, ND's number 2 pitcher this year, had a year of eligibilty left, but decided to go pro anyways.


• ND IF Steve Sollman signs with the Brewers and is assigned to Helena of the Pioneer League.


• ND C/IF Javy Sanchez signs with the Twins and is assigned to Elizabethton (Tenn.) of the Appalachian League.

KankaMatic pages are updated. Of course, this means my weekly ritual of a) putting Sammy Sosa on the DL and calling up Hideki Matsui or b) activating Sosa from the DL and sending down Matsui is now complete. In case anyone's interested, Mike also just cut Larry Walker, who had about 35 home runs and 75 RBI against the Indians last weekend. Oh, and unfortunately, I was "that guy," as I was the first to steal someone off waivers (Jorge Julio - I'm building for the future!).

The Weekend in Review

Where I'm looking to use this blog to get press credentials

• OK, who wants to put an over under on the age we'll be before we all cave in and sign up for ND Fantasy Camp?


• Why did this just hit me now? Minute Maid Park (aka "The Juice Box") has to be one of the best hitters' park out there. It's short down the lines, complete with a porch in left (sluggers love it when they have something to aim at). Then, center field is just huge - small guys can put it up the middle then run for days. It's great for everyone. And hey, if you're lucky enough to be a ground ball up the middle pitcher, you can survive there too.


• Congrats to Wes O'Neill (Islanders) and David Brown (Penguins, two ND players selected in the NHL draft over the weekend.


• Got my Timmermans poster the other day, and Chad (Ellen loves him) sent me an extra as well. If anyone still wants one (a poster, not Chad) let me know.


• ESPN has brought back "The Rick," aka Mike O'Malley, currently star of CBS's "Yes, Dear" (decent pre-Raw show), and formerly the host of every single Nickelodeon game show not named "Double Dare." It was such a great commercial character ("Yeah, I was a senior on JV. But I did have my cup of coffee with the varsity."), I won't even call this a desperate gimmick on ESPN's part.


• Don't be That Guy I


• Don't be That Guy II


• So, if you were Torrian Jones, would you pick up girls by telling them stories about guarding the #3 picks from the last two years' drafts? Segueway...

NBA Draft Review

1 Orlando Dwight Howard: blah blah upside blah blah. Well, it's a good pick if and when Okafor's pulling a Larry Bird and lying down between trips on the court in two years.

2 Charlotte Emeka Okafor: My poster says Timmermans once took him off the dribble. I believe it.

3 Chicago Ben Gordon: Solid, he'll do well. In any other year, there's no way he's the #3.

7 Chicago Luol Deng: A project, but he can surprise you with what he knows already.

9 Philadelphia Andre Iguodala: A gutsy pick, mostly an upside pick. Dicky V said they should have gone for Jackson, but they already have that Creighton guy shooting 45% from 3's.

10 Cleveland Luke Jackson: That's a good pick. I like that pick, and I'll tell you why. Jackson is like the male Alicia Ratay - 44% career from 3's in college. But, he can create his own shot. That's key on a team with no other long range shooters.

12 Seattle Robert Swift: Um, I don't know. Is he related to Stromile Swift?

33 L.A. Clippers SuperNintendo Chalmers: That's it, just the Simpsons joke.

37 Atlanta Royal Ivey: Is he related to Niele Ivey? I'm still trying to figure this out.

38 Chicago Chris Duhon: At least it's not Daniel Ewing. Dirty Smirnoff Ice drinker.

43 New York Trevor Ariza: Ummm... never heard of him. Are we guessing he's good since he's from UCLA?

51 New Jersey Christian Drejer : What, did you guys forget to show up for the first 50 picks? About time you got here.


Wow, guess I should actually do a Transaction Wire this week. Tune back in Wednesday night/Thursday morning for that. Oh, and I know that I'm getting really behind with the KankaMatic pages, but the database is up to date, and I'll try to update the pages tomorrow.

Weekend in Review

by Dave Schmitt, Special to KankaNation

Last weekend began at Shea Stadium, where Ellen, my mom, my sister, and I watched the Mets play the Tigers. Before the game there was a ceremony honoring Mike Piazza for breaking the all-time home run record for catchers. Kanka would’ve loved all the old catchers in attendance. The living Hall of Famers were all there – Yogi Berra, Johnny Bench, Carlton Fisk, and Gary Carter. Two guys also represented the Tigers. One was obviously Pudge Rodriguez, who’s a likely future HOF catcher in his own right. The other guy? Turns out it was none other than the great catcher Lance Parrish. I’m name-dropping 80’s ballplayers. It’s fun. Anyway, Tommy Lasorda, being Mike’s “paison” (Italian buddy) and real-life Godfather, gave a speech. His best line of many: “When Mike first came to camp with the Dodgers, he played baseball like my wife shops: all day, every day!” (By the way, can anyone remember Tommy’s classic line from the pep rally a few years back, something about a “weight problem”, being hungry, and killing the other team? It’s driving me nuts trying to remember it). John Franco presented Mike with a bottle of wine and a fancy watch on behalf of his teammates. Hearing John talk, I think they keep him around just as a mascot. His arm’s obviously shot, but he’s so NY, and he definitely fits in more with the Mets than with the corporate mercenaries on the Spankmees. The organization gave Mike a sweet Chevy conversion sports car/SUV thingee. It was yellow, with his name, number, and 352 for the number of HRs as a catcher painted on it. Awesome. Of course Jeff Wilpon (son of owner) and Art Howe got booed (not as bad as on Gary Carter Day the season after the bungled A-Rod free agency, when we booed Steve Philips throughout his entire speech. Good times. They weren’t dumb enough to let those guys speak this time). But the best part of the ceremony came at the very end. Yogi, being in the Crazy Old Man Hall of Fame, was spacing out through the entire ceremony. I’m talking “staring straight ahead, eyes bulging, Ellen-level” spacing out. When everyone got up to leave the field, he had no idea what was going on, and just sat there. Finally, someone on the grounds crew came over and tapped him on the shoulder and told him it was time to get up. High comedy. The game was quality: walkoff homer by Mike Cameron (he made contact!)

Saturday night, we went to my Aunt Betty’s 50th birthday party. Nothing fancy, just family and some friends. Her boyfriend, Archie, is a member of the Loyal Order of the Moose (insert John Doyle joke here), which is a group similar to the Knights of Columbus (but not religious) of generally older men who hang out, do community service, etc. He was able to rent out their meeting hall for the party. So outside my family, most of the other people there were friends they had met through the Moose, mostly boring older guys in flannel shirts with their wives, trying to dance to an incredibly unhip DJ. So you can imagine how exciting this scene was (actually, it was a pretty fun time). Anyway, the only booze they had there was Bud on tap (fine by me) and wine-in-a-box (obviously fine by Ellen.) Waaaaaay too fine by Ellen. When I was ready for my second beer, she was on 3 wines. When I got 3, she was up to 5. Shit got ugly. But it wasn’t like she got progressively drunker. It just hit her. Basically, she got trashed at my aunt’s 50th birthday party, not exactly a boozefest of epic proportions. On boxed wine. I had to take her outside for air several times, and she kept falling over. She remembers little about the later parts of the evening. If Kanka had a cell phone, he definitely would’ve been drunk-dialed. Suffice to say, it was one of the funnier experiences I’ve had recently. So what’s the moral of the story?

Ellen +Boxed Wine = Trouble.

*Editors notes:
-"These guys all have 'wait' problems. They can't wait to get out there and win tomorrow!"
-So, is Cameron pulling a "Dave Justice in the 2001 World Series"?
-"paison"/"paisono"/whatever used to be such a cool word when they used it on the Super Mario Brothers Super Show. Now, whenever I hear it, all I can think of is that God-awful "Love, Italian Style" SI article about Gino Auriemma and Diani Taurasi. After that, all I can think of was the incredibly high amount of hits I get from people Googling for "Diani Taurasi"+boyfriend. I wish I was making this up. I really shouldn't have written this right after dinner...
-Well, before I turn this into a running diary on Dave's column, I'd better stop now. And remember: Always wipe, and stay of the pipe. Until next time, tell them I'm Chillin'.

The Weekend in Review

Ramblings from a guy who was once traded for a soccer ball

• I think that "baseball players not wearing their caps" is up there with "womens basketball players trying to walk in heels" as far as awkward athlete moments go. Their hairstyles are never what you expect. For example, in addition to the insane amount of balding guys, you also have Sean Casey's circa 1996 hair Brett Boone's inexplicable frosty tips.


• Alicia Ratay realized she couldn't live without basketball, and is currently looking to play in Europe. She'll be in the WNBA in no time.


• Danny Almonte, the kid who pitched a perfect game in the Little League World Series at age 14 (the age limit is 12), has recently led his high school to a New York state championship. Almonte reportedly has an 87 mph heater and a wicked breaking ball. But wait, there's more. Because he took a year off before entering high school, Almonte is currently a 17 year old sophomore. What does this mean? Well, his senior year, he'll be 19 - a year or two older than everyone else he plays against.


• Finally, be sure to check out C'mon Ref!, a Detroit-centric blog that was nice enough to link to us.

Transaction Wire

• Three way trade: YHC gets 2b Jose Vidro from Gammonsesquity; MMEB get 3B Corey Koskie from YHC and free booze from Gammonsesquity; Gammonsesquity gets 2B Luis Castillo from MMEB. A great trade all around - Dave gets insurance at 2B in case Brett Boone gets busted for 'roids, Kanka's team gets younger and faster, and Klondike gets free booze.


• White Sox trade RP Billy Kock to Florida for a minor leaguer. Well, Koch was always more of a thrower than a pitcher, and Billy Beane basically cheated when he was able to get Keith Foulke for Koch a few years ago. Now that Koch is barely topping 90, it's time for him to reinvent himself as a setup man in Florida.


• Royals trade RP Jason Grimsley to Baltimore. Ah, it took a whole year for the Royals to return to their "trade everyone as soon as their good" philosophy.


• Phil Jackson is out of LA (poor baby doesn't want to rebuild). Shaq and Kobe shouldn't be far behind.


• Rumor has it that there's a small shot the Cavs would trade Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Carlos Boozer for Shaq and Luke Walton. That's terrrrible! Yeah, let's give up my favorite Cav (Boozer) for my two least favorite Lakers. Why don't we trade for Warren Sapp, Shannon Sharpe, and Ray Lewis while we're at it. Yippee!


• Everyone's probably heard the Tracy McGrady for Steve Francis rumor by now. Random question: who's better, McGrady or Kobe? I'd say Kobe is a smarter player, but if you want pure talent (at least as a scorer), I'd take McGrady.


• WNBA news: rumor has it that the Minnesota Lynx are interested in a trade to bring Lindsay Whalen (or Whay Dizzle, as her friends call her) to her hometown team. The Lynx are prepared to give up three players, including former K-State standout Nicole Ohlde, but the Connecticut Sun allegedly want four players in return for the rookie guard.

I have all the KankaMatic transactions up to date, so don't worry. I'll have to wait until tomorrow to update the web pages, however. Scoring on the main page, however, is up to date.

I was planning to do a Transaction Wire today, but since there isn't much going on, here are a few more ramblings:

• Packers sign Tim Couch. Couch, in theory, is a "mobile enough to get a pass off," make-things-happen kind of guy. Becoming Brett Favre's backup is probably the best thing that could have happened to him (of course, that all depends on you opinion of Favre). Three things can come of this; unfortunately for Couch, two are bad. 1) Brett Farve takes Couch under his wing, Couch learns well, and Couch finally lives up to his potential. 2) Once Favre retires, Couch tries to hard to actually be Brett Favre and remains a disappointment. 3) Couch does good, but Packers fans start to complain since he isn't Brett Favre. Rattle, Couch begins to lose it, and he must flee town once again.


• Congrats to the Pistons. Believing that anything can happen, I actually gave them some chance to win the finals. Of course, I was also waiting for the Lakers to wake up and win 3 straight. Boy, it's been fun today watching all the "there's no way the Lakers can lose" 'experts' eat their words today.


• Rumor has it that tOSU alum Bob Knight is interested in the vacant head coaching job. However, tOSU has yet to show interest in Knight (perhaps due to influence from Miles Brand in the Big Ten?). As a player, Knight helped lead tOSU to two championships back in the 1950s.


• Finally, I'll point you to two articles from SportsPickle: "‘Playmakers’ DVD boxed set contains 14-Hour Baltimore Ravens documentary"; "Idiot on cell phone waving to camera told he’s an idiot by person he’s talking to on his cell phone." I'd also recommend checking out the Ponder This section.


• Finally, if you get a chance, be sure to check out Coast to Coast Tickets. They've been gracious enough to offer a "link exchange" - basically, we'll each be advertising on the other's page.

The Weekend in Review

I'm Kanka, and I approve these ramblings

• So, we had this guy come in to work last week to install some new software. He needed to read off a product number to someone back at the home office, so he used his cell phone. Here's how he read it off: "H S Five Two Four Niner Niner." Did I detect a 'niner' in there? What, were you using a walkie-talkie? Then, I looked again, and he was using a Nextel phone... specifically, the built-in walkie-talkie feature.


• So, the latest rumblings are that Lorain could be trying to lure a Frontier League team by building a stadium on some soon-to-be-renovated lakefront property. The Frontier League is an independent minor league, whose alumni include Angels reliever Brendan Donnelly. Now, the question is, should I start training for the predicted 2006 start, or should I try to save my money for the $8 million that the league president is asking for a new franchise?


• So, for last Friday's Reds-Indians Indians pitcher CC Sabathia in all red. This of course means the Indians were dressed in red from head to toe. Seeing CC Sabathia dressed like a 6'7" tomato caused my dad to remember Boog Powell in the very same uniform. Now, the only thing more than amusing than Sabathia or Powell in all red was the fact that Powell left the bright orange jerseys of Baltimore just in time to suit up in monochrome red.


• So, the other night, I was forced to watch the MTV Video Music Awards with my sisters. The scariest thing was seeing the guy who plays Stiffler now with long-ish hair and a bad five o'clock shadow. The new look gave him an eerie resemblance to one Charlie Manson.


• The highlight of the MTV VMA, of course, was the obligatory reaction shot of KankaNation Hall of Famer Snoop Dogg every time remotely funny happened onstage.


• Actual pregame pep-talk from my softball game the other day (our coach's lines in regular text, and our responses in italics):
  "Now, does anybody remember that speech from 'Major League'?"
  "Oh, you mean we should be like that catcher who read 'Playboy' because we're thinking too much?"
  "No, that's not it"
  "You mean when Jake Taylor said, 'Let's win the whole damn thing"?
  "Or when they took pieces of that girl every time they won?"
  "No, no. It's from that one where they all get sent down but come back."
  "Oh, the one in the minors? That one sucked; nobody saw it."
  "OK, just get out there."


• Ken Griffey, Jr. hit his 499th career home run off of Cliff Lee the other day. On the first pitch of his next at bat, Lee threw the ball behind Griffey. After the game, Griffey said that Lee was lucky that Griffey was not a pitcher, or Griffey would bean him his first time up at Cincinnati. Of course, Griffey would know all about doing things that deserve to get a guy beaned, since his little "walk and stare" routine is practically trademarked. (Of course, I'm not too bitter, since that little routine managed to turn a double into a single in this series. Plus, now that Griffey hustles to first less that Manny Ramirez, Albert "Joey" Belle, and Milton Bradley combined, a would be infield single turned into a rally-killing groundout in game two of the series.)


• So, the Sports Guy thinks that the team with the best player always wins the NBA Finals? OK, so is that Rip, 'Sheed, Chauncey, or Ben Wallace?


• Has anyone seen the Verizon commercial about the guy who's the first among his college friends to get a job? He's trying to be all serious in his business suit in his cubicle, and riding around with his bosses in a limo, and there are his friends. First time, his answers his phone, and they're all on the other end: "Schmitty!" Then, it's "Gueth howmny cookies I have in my mouf right now?" Ah, Dave, aren't you glad that a) I hate cell phones and b) the rest of us all have jobs and didn't just get some random appartment on Long Island just to bug you?
  

The Weekend in Review

Ramblings from a guy whose twin once hooked up with an Aussie bartender

• Leftovers from last week: So, on the way home from Knoxville, I stopped at a Wendy's for dinner. The song playing? "Getaway." I can't escape this stuff. Fortunately, I was able to enjoy the whole song, as it took about 15 minutes for them to make a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. Must've been tOSU grads.


• Speaking of "All Dye, All the Time," I stopped in to check out Lorain Catholic's jazz band a few times this year. Now, the songs they played were the same as always, but they did have a few new ones in the folder. Joining the classic "Carry On My Wayward Son" were "Livin' La Vida Loca," "Smooth," a Gloria Estefan medley (somehow not including "Rhythym of the Night"), and "American Pie." None were Dye arrangements, but I still about fell out of my seat as I flipped through the folder and just... couldn't... escape... the Dye songs.


• Transaction Wire (wow, haven't done that in ages): Angels sign Raul Mondesi. So, we have Vlad Guerrero and Jose Guillen. With Garret Anderson, that's probably the best throwing outfield in the majors. (In fact, except for Ichiro, who is more technique than raw power, those are probably three of the best individual arms in baseball). Oh shoot, Anderson's hurt. How can we make sure no one goes from first to third on us ever? Oh yeah, that Mondesi guy's available, let's put him in center. Well, I for one wouldn't run on these guys.


• So, Ellen and Dave are separated at work by one cubicle? A certain catch-phrase comes to mind. Let's see... Oh yeah, "don't be that guy."


• Speaking of Marsh - is it true that Bon Jovi's brother works there? Is it just me, or do we just have to invite this guy to the 'Backer?


• Overheard on The Daily show: "If the Republicans can turn 'Lierberman' into 'Loserman,' the Democrats can't nominate someone who has 'sack' in his name." Well, there go my plans for the next four years. (This quote refers to Iowa Senator Tom Vilsack's consideration as a vice-presidential running mate.)


• I said it before, and I'll say it again. Between the Pistons' defense and the fact the Lakers are guaranteed to not show up for at least two games, LA's going to finish one of these games with about 45 points - total.


• Poor Smarty Jones. His MO so far has been to hang out in the middle of the pack for 3/4 of the race, then power ahead down the home stretch. Unfortunately, all the other jockeys decided to use the "Australian short track speed skater" method at the Belmont Stakes, hanging out in the back and not letting Smarty be anywhere else but in first. Then, Birdstone pulls the Smarty Jones and saves Visa some endorsement money (Visa supposedly offered $50mil to Smarty Jones if he won the Triple Crown).


• Poor Philadelphia. They haven't seen a championship since 1983. Yeah. OK.


• Belmont - Triple Crown race, cheap liquor store, or Canadian strip club? Discuss.


• ND baseball has finished another fine season (51-12). In the double elimination regionals, ND started on Friday with a 2-1 loss to Kent State's (Kent is not a state) best pitcher. The Irish followed with a pair of wins on Saturday against UC-Irvine and Kent State. This meant ND had to beat Arizona twice on Sunday to advance to the super regionals. Matt "Don't call me Townie" Edwards had two homers. The game was back and forth with ND trailing 6-3 in the top of the 7th. Then, OF Cody Rizzo tied it with a three run bomb. Unfortunately, Arizona was able to manufacture a run in the bottom of the 7th, and the final score was 7-6.


• The Gipper on ND (courtesy ND press releas): [the University] "stands among the winds of subjectivity for lasting values and principles that are at the heart of our civilization and upon which all human progress is built. If they want to see the goodness and love of life of this generation, the commitment to decency and a better future, let them come here…to Notre Dame."

Baseball's Amateur Draft - Highlights from Day 1

#1 Overall - Padres take local HS SS Matt Bush. A very Twins-Joe Mauer-esque move.
#3 Overall - Mets take Rice (defending NCAA champs) P Philip Humber.
#6 Overall - Indians take P Jeremy Sowers of Vanderbilt.
#10 Overall - Rangers take U of New Orleans P Thomas Diamond.
#11 Overall - Pirates take HS C Neil Walker.
#12 Overall - Angels take Long Beach St. P Jered Weaver. Originally picked to go #2 overall, he dropped dramatically after agent Scott Boras began asking for a huge contract.
#15 Overall - Diamondbacks take FSU SS Stephen Drew - brother of JD and Tim. Expected to be #1 overall until the news of San Diego's interest in Matt Bush broke out.
#16 Overall - Blue Jays take Oklahoma P David Purcey.
#23 Overall - Yankees take HS P Philip Hughes.
Round 2
#66 Overall - Cubs take ND junior (redshirt sophomore) P Grant Johnson.
#69 Overall - White Sox take HS P Raymond Liotta. Maybe they hope he'll play like Shoeless Joe.
#93 Overall - Mariners take HS SS Matthew Tuiasosopo. I'm assuming he's the brother of the former USC footballer.
Round 5
#140 Overall - Rockies take ND junior 3B Matt Macri. Trivia: Macri was the Twins' backup in '02 if they couldn't sign Mauer.
Round 9
#257 Overall - Indians take ND junior P Chris Niesel.
Round 10
#287 Overall - Brewers take ND 2B Steve Sollman.
Round 14
#421 Overall - Twins take ND C (IF) Javi Sanchez.
Teams have until next year's draft to sign the high schoolers and college juniors. If they choose not to sign, the juniors will reenter the draft and the high schoolers will again be draft-eligible after their junior years.

The Weekend in Review

"Not Getting in Trouble With My Significant Other" Edition

Well, the ride down was rather uneventful, until I got to Cincinnati. Freaking Cincinnati. All those dang business majors just had to get out of work early on Friday. Who said that?
Well, once I was past that, I got to see all the great sights on I-75: Florence Y'all, Big Bone Lick State Park. Ah, good times.
I was the first to arrive at the house (other than Cronk). The After a rough introduction to Super Smash Brothers Melee, the Alaskan showed up with a certain whipped... I mean married man. Ah, the Jeep had survived yet another trip. It was time for a few stories and even more video games. The next thing you know, Klondike had the flask out; apparently, he only had room for one, however.
The final group was not due in for another four hours, so repeated cell phone calls were made to check progress. That's good, I thought, since three grown men with college degrees could never fend for themselves in case of a minor mishap. The final call was the best, however. Mike: "Where are you guys right now?" "We're right outside the house." Hey, great timing. I walked outside to proclaim, "Hey you guys!" For the record, I was overly loud due more to sugar and lack of sleep than alcohol, even though my tolerance has gone to pbbbttt lately.
The late night meant nothing was planned until Saturday afternoon. We woke up and headed out to the paintball range. The introduction involved the important "Don't be a Jerk Rule," which meant no firing from within 10 feet. Unfortunately for Klondike, that rule didn't include not getting fired at after being hit and trying to stand up. You see, when you were hit, you were supposed to raise your gun in the air to signal you're out. Well, Klondike raised his gun, but then needed to use that arm to help him stand. "Gee, Klondike's wide open!" I noticed. Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang! "Hey!" Dah. Other highlights included Scott being hit while in a slow motion dive. I was fortunate that Mike mentioned that we should wear a "noseguard" (a cup). It was Mike himself who hit the shot that richocheted off my male protection. I have the paint splatter on my jock strap to prove it. I'm sure you all wanted to hear that one. Well, I'll move on to a more humorous moment. One of the games went down to me and Dave against Cronk. Now, we were probably the worst players out there. Within a short time, I ran out of ammo. Mike, on the sidelines, yelled "Guy who is not Dave - move over and shoot at Cronk!" "I'm out of ammo!" I yelled repeatedly. Well, I thought of the best thing I could do. "I'm out of ammo, time to throw paintballs!" Cronk had no idea what was going on, and my plan worked. In the confusion and laughter, Dave hit Cronk. For the last round, everyone was low on ammo. We realized that Cronk hadn't been hit in the head yet, as asked by ROTC, so Mike and I went after him. However, we were out before we knew it. So, again I did the best thing I could. "Banzai!" I charged Cronk chucking paintballs with my right arm, only to be nailed in the head. Ah, good times.
After showering off, we headed to one of those Japanese restaurants where they grill at the table. Now, in our section, the floor was raised, but the table was in a pit with the tabletop at about floor level (in other words, we sat on the floor with our legs "underground." Now, since the floor was at about table level, whenever people walked by, they looked like they were walking across a table. I was waiting for the Heartland-style music and dancing to kick in. Dinner was good, but unfortunately, no one wanted to pitch in to get Cronk the "Japanese Happiness Song."
After a trip to the store for supplies, it was time for a night of booze and video games. Fortunately, there were no fights, or else the fists would have been flying. I preferred MVP Baseball that Pete brought along with his XBox. Cronk's friend Kurt did as well - he likes switch-hitters as much as he likes Natalie Portman. I had my first shot of straight gin, and "I'll tell you what" - I can see why the Alaskan likes the stuff. That'll warm you up something fierce.
Sunday morning was time for mass. I was able to talk Cronk into a noon mass (similar to Sam trying to custom-order masses on away trips). Afterwards, it was Schlotsky's for lunch. Nothing like the Jewish Deli after the Catholic mass.
Sunday was set aside for a barbeque, and it was a solid one. But first, we stopped at the insane asylum for a game of wiffle ball. The team of Dave, Mike, Brandon, and me (with Klondike pitching) dominated the team of Pete, Joey, Cronk, and Scott. And by "dominated," I of course mean "sucked less." Back to the barbeque, and this was a fancy one - we had some pork roast and brought out the fine crystal. Next, we stopped to visit Cronk's house (in the middle of Tennessee). I finally got to meet Cronk's parents, after they had seen me on TV for years. Cronk gave us a tour of the house while Klondike swapped stories with the parents. Pete's favorite part of the tour was Cronk's sister's room, but everyone else seemed to enjoy Cronk's sister's modelling quality picture (ahem. sports bra.) - even if it was next to Cronk's band award. Dah. After the house tour, we drove through UT. All the campus streets were named after current sports celebs - Todd Helton Dr. (who else has a fantasy team player with a street named after them), Pat Summitt Dr., Peyton Manning Pass, and Phillip Fullmer St. (or is that the "Insert the Current Coach Here" St.?) Neyland Stadium reminded me of Distaster Transport at Cedar Point (an 80s futuristic factory eyesore), and the orange-roofed McDonald's made everyone say Dah.
Back at the house, it was time for poker night. The game this time was Texas Hold 'Em, and Klondike's resentment against Texas made him the master of this game. Everyone won at least once (I hope). I discovered something during the game - a Gin Remix (Sprite Remix & Tanqueray) is much better than a Gin & Juice made with Slice. The Gin Remix was almost chick drink good - "Tanqueray and Remix, yeah I'm f*cked up now."
Well, that was that. We all headed for home the next morning. I'm sure there are some stories I'm forgetting, so feel free to post them to the board - unless you're afraid of getting in trouble that is. Thanks again to Brandon and Joey for the accomodations. Their house is for sale if you want it - the price is good, too.

Due to the weekend, I'm going to extend the KankaMatic new player auctions and waiver wires until Friday. Speaking of KankaMatic, you can find the link on the top of the page.

Weekend in Review (clean version) will be here tomorrow night (hopefully). Tonight, I'm off to my softball game (where I'm not a switch hitter).

Don't forget to RSVP for the Brintnall/Cronk wedding by next Monday.