The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

Editor's Note: Didn't think this was coming today, so scroll down to see this year's first installment of ND Bubble Watch.



Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Hall of Fame horse trainer Sidney Watters Jr. has died at the age of 90. After a long illness, Watters was mercifully taken behind the barn and shot.

Gary Sheffield has lashed out at his former agent Scott Boras, calling him a "bad person." Which is the equivalent of Britney Spears saying that Lindsay Lohan is out of control.

260-pound Brewers slugger Prince Fielder has decided to stop eating meat. In a related story, Wisconsin will be tripling its dairy production.

The Florida Marlins have finally reached an agreement for a brand new stadium. The agreement is that the Dolphins and the Heat will never play there. Hopefully there'll be seating for all 300 Marlins fans. The ballpark will cost $515 million, raising the value of the franchise to $515 million.

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen reportedly cursed over 1,000 times during a recent hour-long meeting. We'd air a bleeped version, but it'd sound like Morse code.

LeBron James' girlfriend is pregnant with the couple's third child, giving James the NBA record for most kids with the same woman.

San Antonio has acquired power forward Kurt Thomas from Seattle. The Spurs now have more veterans than the VFW.

And after 293 starts, golfer Brian Gay finally won a tournament. However, he's still not allowed to get married.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

Notre Dame Basketball Bubble Watch

Editor's Note: No Sports Minute this week, apparently. Good thing I already had this one up my sleeve.

It's that time again already. Fortunately, both teams are in great shape right now.

For those of you unfamiliar with my Bubble Watch formula, here's a synopsis. There are so many at large teams taken for each tournament - 34 in the men's tourney, and 33 in the women's. In theory, the selection committee will take the teams with the 34 or 33 highest RPI rankings that aren't also conference champions (and therefore automatic bids). So, a team should be in if
(Team's RPI) - (Number of automatic bids with higher RPI) > (Number of at large bids).


You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

ND Men's Basketball: As mentioned above, the "magic number" for the men is 34. The 21-5 men's team currently has an RPI of 21. There are no doubt a few conference leaders ahead of them too. If needed in the next few weeks, I'll break down the exact number of conference leaders ahead of them to get a better estimate.



ND Women's Basketball: The Notre Dame women look to be a lock already. The women are #14 in both polls, but thanks to the sixth hardest schedule in the country, they're at #10 in the RPI.

MLB Preview #2: AL West

The Angels

Baseball Musings Team Offense
Baseball America Top 10 Prospects

Lineup
Chone Figgins 3B
Howie Kendrick 2B
Vlad Guerrero RF
Torii Hunter CF
Garret Anderson DH
Casey Kotchman 1B
Mike Napoli C
Erick Aybar SS
Gary Matthews, Jr. LF

Rotation
John Lackey
Kelvim Escobar
Jered Weaver
Jon Garland
Joe Saunders
Ervin Santana
Dustin Moseley

The trend of using multiple center field-type players in one outfield is becoming more and more popular. In the Angels case, this may not have been intentional, as they may have signed Matthews last year thinking they'd never get Hunter. Nonetheless, this lineup will contend in the West, even if Hunter falls of from his contract year numbers of 2007. On the infield, all eyes will be on the shortstop, as Orlando Cabrera was traded to make room for a pair of young studs, Aybar and Brandon Wood. Is wood a shortstop? Is he a third baseman? After playing some third last year, he's back to shortstop this spring. Veteran utilityman and former Rule V pick Macier Izturis will back up Aybar and Wood at short. The outfield is very deep, with Reggie Willits and Juan Rivera coming off the bench. That could be a good thing, with Anderson and Guerrero's health concerns. Or the Angels could use their outfield depth to trade for a prototypical third baseman.
The rotation will also compete in this division. Lackey and Escobar have quietly been putting up solid seasons on the west coast, and the rest of the starters are all good, young talents. Of course, whether or not those talents actually perform is another question. The bullpen as always is very good, with Frankie Rodriguez in a contract year, aided by Scot Sheilds, Justin Speier, and Darren Oliver.

Seattle Mariners

Baseball Musings Team Offense
Baseball America Top 10 Prospects

Lineup
Ichiro! CF
Adrian Beltre 3B
Jose Vidro DH
Raul Ibanez LF
Richie Sexson 1B
Brad Wilkerson RF
Kenji Johjima C
Jose Lopez 2B
Yuniesky Betancourt SS

Rotation
Erik Bedard
Felix Hernandez
Jarrod Washburn
Miguel Batista
Carlos Silva
Horacio Ramirez
Cha Seung Baek
RA Dickey
Ryan Feierabend
Jeff Weaver

The Mariners may have surprised some by contending for the division last year, but their success this year shouldn't surprise anyone. Beltre, Vidro, and Ibanez are still putting up solid numbers, making the top four spots in the lineup very good. Johjima is a serviceable catcher, meaning that any production from Sexson, Wilkerson, and Lopez makes this a very good lineup. The bench features super utilitymen Willie Bloomquist, Miguel Cairo, and Mike Morse, and 2006 spring training favorite Charlton Jimerson.
The rotation would have been fine if Seattle had only gotten Carlos Silva this year. But then they traded for that Bedard guy to put them over the top. I'm a little surprised that they simply handed the opening day starter's job to Bedard instead of Hernandez, but then again Bedard has been in the league a whole year or two longer. The rotation is good enough that it doesn't need all those spare parts at the end - unless, of course, the top-line guys break down like they have in the past. Seattle's closer is one of the best in JJ Putz. Unfortunately, the one weak spot for the Mariners appears to be their bullpen, as a cast of no-names will be tasked with bridging the gap between the starters and Putz.

Oakland Athletics

Baseball Musings Team Offense
Baseball America Top 10 Prospects

Lineup
Mark Ellis 2B
Bobby Crosby SS
Eric Chavez 3B
Jack Cust DH
Travis Buck RF
Daric Barton/Dan Johnson 1B
Kurt Suzuki C
Emil Brown LF
Chris Denorfia/Carlos Gonzalez CF


Rotation
Joe Blanton
Rich Harden
Esteban Loaiza
Chad Gaudin
Justin Duchscherer
Lenny DiNardo
Dallas Braden
Dan Meyer

For a rebuilding team, this is a decent lineup. Ellis has quietly put up solid numbers over the past few years, outpacing the production of Crosby. I'd say that Buck and Barton are less question marks than Crosby and Cust - Crosby because his numbers fell off sharply last year, and Cust because of the feared sophomore slump and the stigma of appearing on the Mitchell Report. Speaking of Barton, he has rightfully played Dan Johnson out of the first base job, meaning that Johnson and his blah offensive numbers could be trade bait come July. Suzuki will put up average numbers, which means the last remaining question marks are outfielders Brown and Denorfia (who did not play in the majors in 2007). Maybe the lack of outfield depth will finally earn Brian Stavisky a cup of coffee? No, that playing time will likely go to propects Gonzalez and Ryan Sweeney, the only guys on the bench I've heard of before.
The lineup is serviceable, at least at the top. Harden's health will be a question, as always. But Loaiza and Gaudin should put up decent numbers for third and fourth starters. Huston Street is expected to bounce back from a rough 2007 at closer, and he'll be aided by veteran Alan Embree, Kiko Colero, former starter Dan Meyer, and Jerry Blevins.

Texas Rangers

Baseball Musings Team Offense
Baseball America Top 10 Prospects

Lineup
Ian Kinsler 2B
Michael Young SS
Milton Bradley RF
Josh Hamilton CF
Hank Blalock 3B
Ben Broussard 1B
Jarrod Saltalamacchia C
Frank Catalanotto DH
Marlon Byrd LF

Rotation
Kevin Millwood
Vincente Padilla
Jason Jennings
Brandon McCarthy
Kason Gabbard
Kameron Loe
Robinson Tejada
John Rheinecker
Luis Mendoza
AJ Murray

The Rangers really put the multiple center fielder theory to the test, with three guys who are borderline centerfielders, but who together should make for a formidable defensive outfielder. This lineup looks good on paper, but it may rely just a little too much on speculation. Kinsler, Hamilton, and Saltalamacchia will have to repeat breakout seasons. Young and Blalock will have to prove that their offensive dropoff was only temporary. Broussard will have to find consistency in his swing. Catalanotto will have to prove that he's not actually 60 years old. And Byrd will finally have to live up to the hype that's surrounded him. The bench features catcher Gerald Laird, who is decent as a starter and very good as a backup, a cameo appearance by Chris Shelton, infielder Ramon Vazquez, Travis Metcalf, who did a decent job filling in for Blalock at third last year, and bopper Jason Botts.
Apparently Texas' plan this year was to create a rotation of ten #3 starters and hope for the best. It's a shame too, because the Rangers have put together a very deep bullpen this year. Joaquin Benoit, praised as a potential closer at last year's trade deadline, will now be backing up both CJ Wilson and Eddie Guardado. New to the Rangers pen this year is Kazuo Fukumori. (What did he say about our mori?!)

Trevor Laws' Official Website

I just added a new site to the Notre Dame section of the links sidebar. A site, as Dave says, dedicated to one of the baddest men on the planet - Trevor Laws.

It's a great site, full of all kinds of stuff, including a blog, media links, and even a store for game-worn memorabilia.

Plus, you're reading this post just as the NFL combine is getting started. Laws, John Carlson, John Sullivan, and Tom Zbikowski were all on the invite list for the combine.

Trevor-Laws.com

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Chicago pitcher Ryan Dempster has predicted the Cubs will win the World Series. Major League Baseball is now testing him for drug use.

Isiah Thomas is trying to deal injured point guard Stephon Marbury. Unfortunately, the only person dumb enough to trade for Marbury is Isiah Thomas.

Steve Nash will play in a pair of Nike basketball shoes made from waste materials. Stephon Marbury should have pioneered the project, since he's been playing like garbage for years.

The Houston Rockets will unveil a monument honoring former star Hakeem Olajuwon. The statue is slightly more mobile than Shaquille O'Neal.

The British Olympic Association may supply its athletes at the Beijing Olympics with facemasks to counter both pollution and their teeth.

LSU quarterback Ryan Perrilloux was suspended "indefinitely" for undisclosed rules violations. "Indefinitely" is Cajun for "until the first game."

Florida State put itself on a two-year probation because of a massive cheating scandal. The cheating was so bad, the football team bought a diamond ring for Kobe Bryant's wife.

Veteran punter Jeff Feagles signed a two-year contract with the New York Giants. The franchise is thrilled to retain their original punter.

The Chicago Bears released Muhsin Muhammed. George Bush thanked the team for helping stamp out terrorism.

And thousands of shirts wrongly proclaiming the Patriots to be Super Bowl champs were delivered to children in Nicaragua. The kids hadn't seen shirts like that since they made them.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

MLB Preview #1: NL West

Arizona Diamondbacks

Baseball Musings Team Offense
Baseball America Top 10 Prospects

Lineup
Chris B. Young CF
Orlando Hudson 2B
Eric Byrnes LF
Mark Reynolds/Chad Tracy 3B
Conor Jackson 1B
Stephen Drew SS
Justin Upton RF
Chris Snyder C

Rotation
Brandon Webb
Dan Haren
Randy Johnson
Doug Davis
Micah Owings
Edgar Gonzalez
Yusmeiro Petit
Dustin Nippert

Many people called the 2007 Diamondbacks lucky for vastly outplaying their projected finish. Hudson and Byrnes had career years, and the younguns played just well enough to make the playoffs. It will be interesting to see if everyone regresses, or if the young sophomores continue to grow and progress. It will also be interesting to see who's playing third base at the end of the year. Reynolds came in last year after Tracy got hurt, and may have performed well enough to keep the job even after Tracy recovers. The bench features reclamation projects Augie Ojeda and Chris Burke; Burke joins the team this year from the Astros. Also in camp this spring is former starting catcher Robbie Hammock.
Webb and Haren are a dominant one-two punch, and they'll need to be effective if the offense struggles. Davis and Owings are average pitchers, and I'd say if the team can get anything out of Johnson it would be a plus. Brandon Lyon returns to Arizona's closer role after the loss of Jose Valverde. He'll be supported by a decent cast, including Nippert and Chad Qualls.

Colorado Rockies

Baseball Musings Team Offense
Baseball America Top 10 Prospects

Lineup
Willy Taveras CF
Troy Tulowitzki SS
Matt Holliday LF
Todd Helton 1B
Garrett Adkins 3B
Bradley Hawpe RF
Ian Stewart/Marcus Giles/Jayson Nix 2B
Yorvit Torrealba C

Rotation
Jeff Francis
Aaron Cook
Ubaldo Jimenez
Franklin Morales
Jason Hirsh
Mark Redman
Kip Wells
Taylor Bucholz
Josh Towers

That's a solid lineup, with a "heart" that stretches from spots 2 through 6. If they can get average production out of Taveras and their second baseman, they're in great shape. As if the lineup wasn't young and deadly enough, the bench features more up-and-comers, including catcher Chris Ianetta and first baseman Joe Koshansky.
Last year, I wondered how the Rockies got so far with such a no-name pitching rotation. Well, it appears Colorado favors quantity over quality. Francis is a good pitcher no matter where he's playing, and the return of Cook from injury plus the addition of Towers should be helpful. The bullpen is solid, returning closer Manny Corpas with help from Taylor Bucholz, Jose Capellan, Luis Vizcaino, and former closer Brian Fuentes.

San Diego Padres

Baseball Musings Team Offense
Baseball America Top 10 Prospects

Lineup
Brian Giles RF
Tad Iguchi 2B
Adrian Gonzalez 1B
Kevin Kouzmanoff 3B
Jim Edmonds CF
Khalil Greene SS
Josh Bard/Michael Barrett C
Scott Hairston LF

Rotation
Jake Peavy
Chris Young
Greg Maddux
Randy Wolf
Mark Prior
Clay Hensley
Justin Germano
Tim Stauffer

This is a very average lineup. That's right, not just average - very average. It appears that Giles and Iguchi will bat one-two, I'm just not sure where to go from there. Aside from Gonzalez and, when healthy, Jim Edmonds, there isn't much pop, unless Kouzmanoff can continue to develop. Petco has be disastrous to Greene, the former NCAA hitting champ. Bard and Barrett, meanwhile, are a great platoon as catcher. I'd suggest playing one of them at first base every once in a rare while, except the Pads just signed 1B/pinch hitter extrodinaire Tony Clark. Maybe Bard or Barrett can try the outfield, as San Diego is very thin there, and Edmonds and Giles aren't as durable as they once were.
Peavy and Young rival Webb and Haren. Behind them, the rotation is a good one, but fragile. Like the Padres offense, the rotation is injury-prone and needs depth that just isn't there. In the pen, Trevor Hoffman will be supported by Clay Hensley, Cla Meredith, Heath Bell, and Wil Ledezma.

Los Angeles Dodgers

Baseball Musings Team Offense
Baseball America Top 10 Prospects

Lineup
Rafael Furcal SS
Juan Pierre/Andre EthierLF
Jeff Kent 2B
Andruw Jones CF
James Loney 1B
Russell Martin C
Matt Kemp RF
Nomar Garciaparra/Andy LaRoche 3B


Rotation
Brad Penny
Derek Lowe
Chad Billingsley
Hiroki Kuroda
Jason Schmidt
Esteban Loiaza
Hong-Chih Kuo
Eric Stults

This is a great lineup... IF the Dodgers continue to embrace their youth movement. Juan Pierre< is a charismatic and likable player, but he simply doesn't put up the numbers to play left field. Will new manager Joe Torre play big contracts Pierre and Garciaparra, or will he choose Ethier and LaRoche, the younger and better options? Outside of those two spots, Loney, Martin, and Kemp should continue to produce well, and I have a feeling that Jones isn't washed up quite yet. The bench features fourth outfielder Jason Repko and the recently signed Matt Sweeney, another great pinch hitter who can spell Loney at first and presents yet another option in left field.
Penny is a very underrated starter. The rest of the rotation is decent, and Loaiza provides them with a nice alternative if Schmidt can't recover from his injuries or if Kuroda stuggles in his new country. Speaking of underrated, Takashi Saito is one of the best closers in the game, and he has a very impressive staff to set him up, including Joe Beimel, Jonathan Broxton, Yhency Brazoban, Scott Proctor, and Rudy Seanez. The NL west is a fairly competitive division, but don't expect the Dodgers to end up in fourth place again.

San Francisco Giants

Baseball Musings Team Offense
Baseball America Top 10 Prospects

Lineup
Dave Roberts LF
Omar Vizquel SS
Aaron Rowand CF
Bengie Molina C
Ray Durham 2B
Randy Winn RF
Rich Aurilia 3B/1B
Dan Ortmeier 1B/Kevin Frandsen 3B

Rotation
Barry Zito
Matt Cain
Tim Lincecum
Noah Lowry
Kevin Correia
Jonathan Sanchez
Pat Misch

Wow, this lineup just keep finding ways to become older and more mediocre. The sad thing is that there doesn't seem to be much coming up through the pipeline. But with the ties to Barry Bonds finally cut, maybe they can begin to turn things around. The bench features... well, um... Nate Schierholtz.
It's actually a shame to put out a lineup like that, because the pitching rotation is young and talented. The bullpen features new closer Brian Wilson, Steve Kline, and a bunch of decent but unspectacular relievers.

Chuck Heaton Passes Away at 90

Legendary Cleveland sportswriter Chuck Heaton has passed away at the age of 90. The fine folks at Gray & Co. Publishers gave me a chance to review his new book on the Browns, but I unfortunately never took them up on the offer. First, I simply didn't have the time, and second I just wasn't familiar with Heaton's work. Like Hal Lebovitz, Heaton wrote for the Cleveland Plain Dealer. But Lebovitz eventually moved on to the Lorain Morning Journal, which is how I became exposed to him. Heaton never made such a move. Still, one I'm finally done with all this schooling business, I think I'm going to pick up a copy of Heaton's book.

Heaton may be better known to a younger, nationwide audience as the father of Patricia Heaton of Everybody Loves Raymond fame. His bio can be found here.

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Nolan Ryan has agreed to become the Texas Rangers' new president, making him the best pitcher in the organization.

Brian McNamee promised he can prove that Roger Clemens took steroids because he has several old syringes and bloody gauze. If true, the items will prove both Clemens' guilt and McNamee's creepiness. Thankfully, McNamee had saved them as a Valentine's Day gift for Amy Winehouse.

Pirates right-hander Tony Armas has agreed to a minor league contract with the New York Mets, because the minor leagues are a step up.

Memphis coach Marc Iavaroni defended trading Pau Gasol to the Lakers, saying it was best for the team. He's right, assuming that team is the Lakers.

Isiah Thomas is reportedly trying to trade for badly injured forward Jermaine O'Neal. Thomas' next acquisition will be Len Bias.

Mike Tyson and Junior Seau were spotted at a trendy Las Vegas restaurant recently. Seau had the filet mignon while Tyson dined on Lennox Lewis's children.

Carlos Quintana upset previously unbeaten Paul Williams for the welterweight title in Temecula, California. That's the first fight a latino had won in southern California since moments earlier in the parking lot.

The Steelers are keeping the natural grass surface at Heinz Field, so their offensive line has something to graze on.

And the NFC beat the AFC in the Pro Bowl. But with the ratings as low as they were, we could be making that up.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

Link Me

I've been really lazy at returning link requests since, well, October. I sort of got around to it this past weekend, but I ended up just deleting all of them since I couldn't tell which ones were phony/spammy/for money and which weren't. So if you're a real person with a real blog that wants to trade links, email me by using the link at the top of the page.

Happy Pitchers and Catchers Day!

February 1 was the Uniform Start Date for college baseball teams, and on Wednesday select MLB teams have their pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training.

When does your team report?

The Latest on CC Sabathia

As Cleveland-area sportswriters are piling up the "Say Goodbye to CC Sabathia" articles, here's a look at what's going on with next offseason's hottest free agent:

• With Curt Schilling's injury status uncertain, and a rumor surfacing that Boston will not re-sign Josh Beckett when his contract expires, the Sox will definitely need to add pitching. And they definitely have deep pockets.


• Indians GM Mark Shapiro says that he won't trade Sabathia, barring a major collapse. They're going to try to win with him this year, then take their chances from there.


• Cleveland Plain Dealer writer Paul Hoynes has the latest on Cleveland's extension offer to Sabathia.

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

A judge ruled that jailed Michael Vick can keep nearly $20 million in bonus money he received from the Atlanta Falcons. Vick was relieved, as he's got a really big dogfight coming up.

Chad Johnson is very upset at the Bengals, making him a true Cincinnati resident.

NHL player Nik Antropov was suspended for 3 games for throwing his stick at officials. Fortunately the stick landed in the stands, where there was no one to injure.

Alyssa Milano has begun to blog for the NHL. Because she ran out of baseball players.

World ice-dancing champion Maxim Staviski has received a 2 1/2-year prison sentence for a drunken driving accident. A guy in a spandex unitard in prison. Nothing could go wrong there.

Former Olympic canoeing champion Frantisek Capek has died of an unspecified heart problem at the age of 93. Doctors could have saved him if they hadn't tragically reached for the wrong paddles.

Ballers Latrell Sprewell and Glen Rice have both had assault charges against them dropped. Maybe Johnnie Cochrane isn't dead after all.

The Toronto Raptors tied a franchise record with a 39-point victory. Shockingly, it was not against the Knicks.

Bob Knight officially resigned, having finally thrown his last chair.

And Chuck Knoblauch said his involvement in the steroid investigation has been blown way out of proportion. Like Roger Clemens' head.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

Notre Dame Basketball... Where Amazing Happens

From the man who brought you Tom Timmermans' 1000 Nicknames....

The Man of a Thousand Nicknames

I noticed that Kanka's Sports Page is the top Google result for "Tom Timmermans nicknames." I also noticed that no reliable and active source on the Internet actually lists the nicknames. Acting on a tip from an NDNation post, I hit the Internet Wayback Machine and decided to post them here. I hope Chad will forgive my copyright infringement. (And yeah, I know the formatting isn't very nice. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it?)

1 Showtime

2 The Clutch Dutchman

3 Bagel Thief

4 Tommy "Five to Give"

5 Tim Tommermans

6 The UnDutchable

7 Dutched By An Angel

8 The Gentleman From The Netherlands, Mr. Dutchinson

9 The Man From Nether-Netherlands

10 The High Man From The Low Country

11 Dutch By Birth, Clutch By Reputation

12 Tizzle

13 Holland Globetrotter

14 Mr. Holland's Opus

15 Twizzle

16 Too Tall Tom Timmermans

17 If It Ain't Dutch, It Ain't Much

18 Dutch Treat

19 Can't Dutch This

20 The One-Man Fast Break Wrecking Crew

21 Call Him Tindermans, 'Cause He's a Firestarter

22 Little Elbow

23 The Booty Trap's Heir Apparent

24 He Came, He Saw, He Towered Over

25 Quick First Step

26 Sneaky Quick

27 T Squared

28 The TomTiminator

29 Atomic Tom

30 Mot Snamremmit

31 Tom "You Can't Teach Size - or Dutchness" Timmermans

32 MVT- Most Valuable Timmermans

33 The Blonde Tomshell

34 Simmerin' Timmermans

35 Famous Skier Alberto Tomtimmermansba

36 Tom Injuredmans

37 The Human Exclamation Point

38 Ecstasy

39 One Man Press Break

40 Poor Man's Mike Sweetney Minus the Cheeseburger

41 The Beast of the Big East

42 Amsterdamn he's good!

43 The Dunkin' Dutchman

44 Queen Beatirx's Heir Apparent

45 The Reason Turkey wants to join the EU

46 The square root of T to the fourth

47 The Shaq of the JACC

48 The Royal Netherlands Air Force

49 Kiss Me, I'm Dutch

50 Dutch the Magic Dragon

51 Ivan Kartello's understudy

52 Swanny minus the booty

53 Poor Man's Ruth Riley

54 Phil Hickey with wooden shoes

55 Tommy Timmers, boy choreographer

56 The Longwood Tom Timbermans

57 Slammin' Amsterdammin' Tom Timmermans

58 Tom TimmerMANCHILDs

59 Long Ankles

60 Tom "Call me Dutchboy 'Cause I Live in the Paint" Timmermans

61 White Luscious

62 A Rich Man's Donotas Zavackas

63 4D: Drive, Draw, Dish, and Dutch

64 The Best Thing Out of Europe Since Napoleon, or At Least Toni Kukoc

65 Emeka Okafor's Dad

66 The Only Man Mike Sweetney Fears More Than Hamburgler

67 Dreihuis Destroyer

68 6-11, 253, Pure Vanilla

69 One More Reason for Boeheim to Sweat at Night

70 The Flying Dutchman

71 Tom Terrific

72 Tizzle Me Elmo

73 Larger Than Life and Twice as Natural

74 A Man, A Plan, A Canal - Timmermans

75 I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no Timmermans

76 Om-Tay Immermans-Tay

77 Tom [INSERT NICKNAME HERE] Timmermans

78 Dutchy McDucherton

79 The Remix

80 Creator of the Windmill Dunk

81 The Riddle

82 The Original Point-Center

83 Half Man, Half Beast, All Dutch

84 Fashion Nightmare

85 Hundreds of uses, yet no real purpose

86 The 47th best thing since sliced bread

87 Somewhere between everyday Dutchness and cartoonish super-Dutchness

88 Better than the rest (in some vague, undefinable way)

89 The 8th Deadly Sin

90 Timmermans 3:16

91 The Real John Galt

92 Ankle deep in ankles

93 The Only Man in the World that has This Nickname

94 More than a man - a really big man

95 The Human Cartoon Character

96 Size 15 Wooden Shoes - So What?

97 Taller Than Normal People

98 Upside Your Head

99 Former Speed-skater

100 Timmermaniac

101 The Truth

102 As Seen On TV

103 From the people who brought you windmills and tulips

104 The Netherlands' secret weapon for taking over the world

105 The Antithesis of Emeka Okafor

106 The Dunk Tank in the Carnival of Life

107 Veni, Vidi, Timmermans

108 Everything you want - and a whole lot more

109 The Only NCAA Basketball Player to register a Single-Quadruple - 1000 Nicknames

110 The Question

111 The Answer

112 The Rhetorical Question

113 The Rhetorical Answer

114 The Other, Other White Meat

115 A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Tom Timmermans

116 Towering Over Others Like Some Sort of Tower

117 Y2T

118 The Original 6-in-1 Tool

119 Internationally Known, Locally Respected

120 Tom Quixote

121 Tomicide

122 The Tommy Gun

123 The Basketball Mercenary

124 The Basketball Messiah

125 The Double-Dutch Dribbler

126 30% Larger Than Life

127 Usually the Lesser of Two Evils

128 The Modern Marvel

129 Best of Show

130 The Real Reason Socialism Can Never Work

131 Knock, Knock. Who's There? Tom. Tom Who? Tom Timmermans.

132 The Reason for the Season

133 Your 100% Recommended Daily Allowance of Dutch

134 Pride of Dreihuis, Holland

135 Made of 100% Real Dutch

136 The Opiate of the Basketball Masses

137 May Contain Peanuts

138 Your Chastity at Risk, 24/7

139 Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Right...

140 The Patron Saint of Fouling Out

141 Ana-Tom-ically Correct

142 Chris Thomas' Alter Ego

143 Almost, But Not Entirely Unlike Charles Thomas

144 Like Jimmy Dillon on Steroids

145 Infinity Squared, And Then Some

146 The 7th Man

147 E = MC^(tomtimmermans)

148 #50 on the Court, #1 in the ND Student Body's Hearts

149 Interncontinental Ballistic Fun

150 Jim Calhoun's Pimp

151 The Yin to Your Yang

152 The Linchpin Holding the Keystone Together

153 Cornering the Market on Nicknames

154 Trouble With a Capital Timmermans

155 The Mystery of Pandora's Box

156 This Nickname Contains Ten Words, Eighteen Syllables, and Sixty-Four Letters

157 Mike Brey's Other Guilty Pleasure

158 The Human Rally Monkey

159 I've Got More Nicknames in Back if You Don't See Anything You Like

160 Putting the Dutch in Offensive Production

161 The Human Lowlight Film

162 Part of a Complete Breakfast

163 Trying to be the Next Rik Smits

164 Slightly Less Lanky Than Louis Orr

165 Just a Big, Goofy Dutchman

166 Shakes Defenders Like a Polaroid Picture

167 Ice Cold

168 Ice Water in the Veins

169 The Chosen One

170 The Dutch Version of The Chosen One

171 King TutTimmermanstankhamun's Tom

172 The Dutch Manifesto

173 Special Sauce

174 Tall Drink of Water

175 The Show

176 The Dutch Oven

177 Thom Thimmermans

178 Tom Timmery, Tom Timmery, Tom Tim Taroo

179 Timmermania

180 When I Think About Tom, I Dutch Myself

181 Shooting Dutch

182 Dutch Elm Disease

183 The A-Tom-ic Bomb

184 The Dreihuis Delight

185 Dutchliscious

186 Dutchtastic

187 Mike Sweetney's Heir Apparent

188 The European Union's Most Valuable Asset

189 The Dutch Without a Crutch

190 Shimmerin' Timmermans

191 Nether Say Die

192 The Love Boat

193 The Dutch Dandy

194 An Offensive Goaltending Waiting to Happen

195 The European Sensation

196 Kid Tested, Mother Approved

197 My Favorite Timmermans

198 The Tank

199 Dutch Ado About Nothing

200 A Schoolgirl's Delight: Double Dutch

201 Po-Po 5-0

202 50 Cent

203 Dutch Madness

204 Speed Limit: 50

205 Notre Dutch

206 Dude, Where's My Timmermans

207 Holland, MI

208 Never Have Too Much Dutch

209 The Look, The Feel of Dutchman, The Player of Our Lives

210 Mike Brey's Genetics Lab Experiment Gone Wrong

211 Don't Sing It, Bring It

212 When You Wish Upon a Timmermans

213 Tm Tmmrmns

214 o iea

215 Sean "Dutchy" Combs

216 The Uncommon De-Tom-inator

217 The Hot Tom-ale

218 Tom Timmermans Version 4.0

219 Timmermans XP

220 Hyper Tom Timmermans Protocol Colon Backslash Backslash

221 Moneyball

222 The Future

223 The Franchise

224 Thomas Timothymermans

225 The Matrix Reloade

226 The Cloggin' Irish

227 The Miracle Man From Amersterdam

228 The Irish Muffin

229 Lady Tom, Dutchess of York

230 The Program

231 Beast of the Big East (West)

232 Beast of the Big East (Catholic)

233 The White Phil Hickey

234 Hawaii 5-0

235 Halfway to Triple Digits

236 Thom Timmermans

237 Boracho's Favorite Son

238 The Euro

239 Tt - A-Tom-ic Number 50

240 Mike Jarvis' Worst Nightmare (other than the nightmare where nephew Will borrows his car and accidently crashes it)

241 Weapons Grade Plutonium

242 WMD

243 Dutch Rub

244 Rumanu-Tom (famous Indian Mathematician)

245 Da' Tom

246 Dutch White Chocolate

247 (T^4+2T^3+3T^2)/(T^2+2T+3)

248 Tom's Mom Has Got It Goin' On

249 CD-TOM (Timmermans Only Memory)

250 www.timmermans.tom

251 Talm Pilot

252 Timmermans! (Timmermans factorial)

253 L

254 John Wooden Shoes

255 Tom Got His Number From His Projected Number of Fouls Through the First Ten Games

256 Tommy "Six Fouls to Give Once He's in the NBA"

257 Wha Happened

258 Making the Big East Quintadekaphobic Since 2000

259 The Reason South Florida is Joining the Big East

260 The Urban Tombrero

261 Tom Thumb

262 Charles Thomas Timmermans

263 Hollywood

264 Tom'd

265 Six points, 2-6 FG, 2-3 FT, 8 Rebs, 5 TO's, 5PF, 1 Asst, 0 Stls

266 110010

267 Da Bizness

268 Rock, Chalk, Timmermans

269 Hoya Toma

270 You're Timmerman's Bait (Yes You Are)

271 Tom Squared

272 Cash, Money, Dutch

273 Timtanic

274 Timberrrr

275 Drop Step

276 The Dunkaphobe

277 B.E.E.F.D. (Balance, Eyes, Elbow, Follow-through, Dutch)

278 Matt Carroll With Elephantitis

279 Kankles

280 TurDutchen

281 It Goes All The Way Up To 50

282 Floppy

283 The Dutchness Monster

284 The Token European

285 My Name is Tom Timmermans - Worship Me!

286 Creamy Hollandaise

287 Dutchzilla

288 Recruit Him, Watch Him Play, Lock Him Away in A Closet For a Year, Take Him Out, Watch Him Again - It Will Change Your Life

289 T Diddy

290 Snoop Dutchy Dutch

291 Money Shot

292 Interstate 50

293 Glad My Last Name Isn't Ferrara

294 The Wizard

295 Frisky

296 Finite, But Unbounded

297 2nd Tallest Man On Campus

298 Better Than Getting The Tanooki Suit In Super Mario Bros. 3

299 Throw Your Hands In The Air As If There Were No Repercussions

300 Pennsylvania Dutch

301 auTOMatic

302 T-I-eminem-E-R-M-A-N-S

303 Marquis de Dutch

304 Sexier than Brady's left arm

305 Not as sexy as Brady's right arm

306 The Holland Chunnel

307 Putting the ND in Holland

308 The In-TIMM-idator

309 Dr. Dutch

310 T-Money

311 SHOWTIMErmans

312 Rin Tin Timmermans

313 Dutch'd

314 Tommy T from the North Sea

315 Tom "My shots be flowin' like da Rhine" Timmermans

316 Tom van Timmermans

317 The Real Pride of Scranton, PA

318 Royal Dutch Airlines

319 He's not myopean, he's European

320 The Benelux Delight

321 Got Dutch?

322 Sneaky Dutch

323 The Midas Dutch

324 The Wizard of West Quad

325 The Duke and Dutchness

326 Andries

327 Ymudien Sensation

328 The Mouth of the Rhine

329 The 9th Wonder of the Modern World

330 Turkey Gravy

331 Netherlands Chief Export

332 The Human Interest Story

333 The Human Gamepad

334 Earth, Air, Water, Fire and Tom: the 5 building blocks of the universe

335 The Human Parallelepiped

336 The 5th Dimension

337 The Seventh Sense

338 The 4th Blind Mouse

339 The Cincinnati Bengal of Big East Basketball

340 The 11th Commandment

341 The Human Haiku

342 Liquid Death

343 Jimmy Chitwood

344 The Dutch Greg Ostertag

345 The Road to the Final Four

346 The Greyhound Bus

347 King of da Drop Step

348 The Tom of the Unknown B-Baller

349 Tom the Phenom

350 T-Funk

351 Phenometom

352 The Playmaker

353 Mr. Breakaway Dunk

354 Timmermans, LLP

355 The Gorilla that Destroyed the Oakland Zoo

356 Defined only by being Indefinable

357 The Paperweight

358 The Ultimate Stocking Stuffer

359 Tall on Talent

360 The human equivalent of "Jock Jams"

361 The New Deal

362 The Unbalanced Equation

363 Come for the Dutch, stay for the Clutch

364 Tom Timmermans is for Lovers

365 Tom "I heart ND to infinity" Timmermans

366 That Just Brushed Sensation

367 Snuggles

368 The Timmermanifest Destiny

369 The Secret NASA Project

370 The Dutchina Monologue

371 Hofstra

372 Mt. St. George College Fightin' Timmermans

373 The Clown Prince of Basketball

374 ThreatCON Echo

375 The Round Mound of Rebound

376 Tommy Funk

377 The Tom Timmermans Experience

378 Uncle Tom Timmermans

379 Tom "& Jerry" Timmermans

380 Mild Sauce

381 The Main Event

382 Skip To My Lou

383 Fiff-dee

384 The Professor

385 Half Man/Half Amazing

386 The And Tom Mix Tape Tour, Vol. 50

387 Vanilla Thunder

388 Dr. Dutchenstein

389 The Little Dipper

390 Hot Plate

391 Sweet Cheeks

392 The Big Unit

393 To-Ti

394 The Abuser

395 The Best Kept Secret

396 Showbiz

397 T Timms

398 The Prophecy

399 5.0 on the Richter Scale

400 The Timm Reaper

401 The Real Slam Shady

402 This Week's Sign That The Apocolypse is Upon Us

403 Night Train

404 Thump and Bump

405 The Dirty Dutchman

406 He Love Me

407 The Dutch Leprechaun

408 The Fighting Dutchman

409 My Country Has Free Healthcare

410 Miniature Yao Ming

411 The Foreign Force

412 The Spark Off The Bench

413 Wonderboy

414 The Man With The Cult Following

415 BFG (Big Friendly Giant)

416 BFD (Big Friendly Dutchman)

417 MOAT (Mother Of All Toms)

418 TOM-ahawk Chop

419 Like Kellen Winslow II, He's A F-ing Soldier

420 Excelsior

421 The Juvenator

422 Pass that Dutch

423 The Delta Project

424 Rotter-damn, He's Good

425 Ba-Dunk-A-Dunk

426 Tomid El-Atimmermans

427 Tom Doe

428 Really Big Boi

429 Mr. "I Don't Think So!"

430 The Tower of Terror

431 The Guy the Leprechaun Legion Doesn't Care About Too Much Because Caring About Him Won't Get Them on TV Like Dressing Up Like Elvis Will

432 Yowza!

433 Lula's Cafe's #1 Customer

434 Martin Inglesby's "Project"

435 A Middle Class Man's Billy Celuck

436 The Netherlands' Resident Authority on the Macarena

437 Mike Sweetney's Cheeseburger Monkey

438 One of the Few Things That Can "Pierce the Corporate Veil"

439 ND's Second-Biggest Fan of the Mock Turtle

440 Healthier Than Both a Cigarette and a Popeye's Biscuit

441 Former Shift Manager at the Now-Defunct Irish Kosher Deli

442 The Hot Hand

443 Mr. February

444 The Funk-Soul Brother

445 The Showtime Rotisserie: Set It and Forget It, But Check Back Every Now and Again to Make Sure It's Not Injured

446 Starsky & Dutch

447 Notre Dame's All-Time Leader in "Full Frontals"

448 Lynchpin

449 Mr. Fantastic

450 JaJunk

451 A Thing That Makes You Go "Hmmm..."

452 Paul Pierce Minus the Green Headband

453 Chuck Lennon's Pep Rally Speech Writer

454 Provolone Without

455 The Guy Behind the Guy

456 The Resume Booster

457 The Next Big Thing

458 Whoa Nellie

459 Old Faithful

460 The World's Shortest Tall Guy

461 Teddy Valentine's Favorite Player About Which To Demonstratively Explain That the Shot Won't Count and We Are, In Fact, Headed the Other Way Subsequent To an Offensive Foul

462 Mr. Player Control Foul

463 Todd Palmer Minus the Suck

464 Todd Palmer With a Slightly Smaller Head

465 Tomasitimmermansos

466 A Really Tall and Athletic Dennis Carroll

467 Marilyn Keough's Favorite Son

468 Smokin'!

469 A Real Big East-Type Guy

470 Iron Chef the Netherlands

471 The Real Zupastar

472 Sir Luscious of Dreyhus

473 Moves

474 Living Proof That "When You're Hot, You're Not"

475 "I Know I Should Get Into Rebounding Position, Because Here Comes A Chris Thomas Ill-Advised Shot"

476 The Avatar of Dutch

477 Master of the Totally Unnecessary Pre-game Warmup Dunk

478 Civil Disobedience

479 Too Big for Anything but Basketball

480 Ballpoint Pen

481 The Vin Diesel of the Big East

482 None More Dutch

483 He takes a lickin' and keeps on dunkin'

484 Under Armour's Posterboy

485 The reason South Carolina seceded from the Union

486 Matt Carroll's Apprentice

487 The Human Snot Rocket

488 Tom the Tool Man Timmermans

489 The Tall Terror

490 The Golden Gun

491 The Non-Haitian Sensation

492 The 28th Amendment

493 Pull N' Peel

494 Not so Tiny Tom

495 Rated MA for mature audiences

496 Dynasty

497 Tom "Once you pop you can't stop" Timmermans

498 The Maginot Line of the JACC

499 Ergonomically Designed for your pleasure

500 Artisan Sandwich No. 50

501 Dutch be Nimble

502 Tom "I like my applesauce chunky" Timmermans

503 Tom "I breathe fundamentals" Timmermans

504 Tommy Tilt the Bench

505 Hollandaise Sauce

506 The Sam's Club of the Big East

507 Vlade Divac minus talent, plus Dutchness

508 Buy one, get Tom free

509 Twinkle Toes

510 Two Ton Tommy

511 The Crown Jewel of The Hague

512 The Dean of Low Post Moves

513 Ibn-al Timmermans

514 The Dutch Onslaught

515 Tommy Take a Seat

516 A Statistician's Worst Nightmare

517 Dutch Chicken: Mongolian Beef's Arch Nemesis

518 Dolby Dutchital Surround Sound

519 da da da daht da dhaa...Charge!

520 Don't leave home without him

521 Would you like to apply for an additional 15% off?

522 Batteries included

523 Energizer [bunny]

524 Copper Top

525 They don't take Visa

526 Charles (Tom) in Charge

527 He doesn't carry cash

528 Debit or Credit?

529 The Hitman

530 Boom Boom

531 Bonecrusher

532 The Taztimmermanian Devil

533 Mr. Inside and Mr. Outside

534 Tommy Basketball

535 Chairman of the Boards

536 To ND Basketball What QB Eagles Is To Tecmo Super Bowl

537 Curator of the Oakland Zoo

538 The Love Below

539 Speakerboxxx

540 More Styles Than A Barbershop

541 XY Ruth Riley

542 I put de balle in de bucket, ya?

543 The Dutch word for the free throw line is 'der gunderstalcht'... coach says I gotta stop sending das guys to der gunderstalcht

544 Tommy Timmers, boy choreographer

545 Holland: Been Playing Hoops Since We Lost Everything To The Nazi War Machine

546 Shaq's Stunt Double In Kazaam!

547 Tom "Bizarlyle" Timmermans

548 Pound For Pound The Best Player On The ND Basketball Team... That's From The Netherlands

549 The Result of Rampant Drug Use and Prostitution in Amsterdam

550 The Grinch Who Stole Kartelo's Minutes (and a Bagel)

551 The Reason Ben Howland Left Pitt

552 Notre Dame's Best Recruiting Tool

553 The Reason We All Go to the JACC

554 If You Dish it, Tom Will Come

555 Gary Busey's Stunt Double

556 Dutch, Dutch, Goose

557 Heidi Fleiss' Best Client

558 Accept No Timmitation

559 The Focus of SportsCentury's Next Episode

560 Only a Benchwarmer Because He's so HOT

561 A Perfect 100 (or 50 times 2) on the Unintentional Comedy Scale

562 Infinity Toms 50 Equals Showtime

563 Shawn Bradley on the Metric Scale

564 English is His Second Language Because Foulin' Out is His Native Tongue

565 Sexier than 2 Dikes

566 Not as Sexy as 3 Dikes Together

567 Tom "Yeah, I'd put my Finger in a Dike... But Only in an Emergency" Timmermans

568 The Future Star of Space Jam 2

569 There's No "I" in Tom, but There is an "OOOHHHHHHHH"

570 Tim Merman, Swimmin' in Hoes

571 Taking 5 for the Team

572 The NBA's Marketing Dream

573 The Only Thing "Throwback" about Him are his Elbow Motions

574 The Mastermind Behind the BCS Formula

575 The Seventh Son of the Gunman on the Grassy Knoll

576 Teehentee

577 The Most Ridiculous ND Foreign Import since 1999

578 Tom "It's Redundant to Say I Played 15 Minutes and Fouled Out" Timmermans

579 The Hidden Agenda of NATO

580 The Biggest Phenomenon since Reuben Boumtje-Boumtje

581 The Best Current ND Baketball Player with Thomas in his Name

582 The Guy Who's Clogging Up the Lane

583 A Ballhandling Travesty Waiting to Happen

584 The Reason Condoms are being Handed out Free in DC

585 Tom "I'm Allergic to MSG" Timmermans

586 Death, Taxes, and Timmermans with more Fouls than Points

587 Number 50 on the INS Most Wanted List

588 Double Oh Fifty: Secret Agent Slam

589 The Not-So Great White Hype

590 Proof That Rik Smits' 15 Minutes of Fame was No Coincidence

591 Archibald M. Nemesis

592 The Trainwreck of Basketball

593 As Nasty as MD/2020 Without the Hangover

594 Smoother than Schlitz Light

595 Phi Slamma Amsterdamma

596 He's not White, He's European

597 The Secret Connection between Gorbachev's Forehead and Drew Brees' Cheek

598 Two Hand Dutch

599 A Timmermans By Another Other Name... Would Involve Copyright Infringment

600 The Last Kid Picked To Play

601 The Original Sin

602 Well Within Your Wildest Dreams

603 Like Dutch Writer Hans Christian Anderson's The Little Mermaid, But With A 6'11" Basketball Player Instead Of A Mermaid

604 Tommy 3000

605 The Dutch Uncle

606 Behind Only Brey In The Level Of Dutch Courage

607 Founding Father of the Dutch West India Company

608 Inventor Of The Dutch Bob Haircut

609 Dutchbob Squarepants

610 Tomfoolery Timmermans

611 Tomcat Timmermans

612 Banging On The Tom-Tom Timmermans

613 Ayatollah Thomeni

614 Same Tom Time, Same Tom Station

615 Pardon Me, Do You Have Any Grey Poutom?

616 Famous Bob Dylan Song "Just Like Tom Timmermans' Blues"

617 David Toms

618 Bigguns

619 A Product of the Coca-Cola Company

620 One-half Of A Two-Man Fast Break Wrecking Crew

621 Co-Writer of Trick Daddy's "I'm a Thug"

622 The Cradle of Civilization

623 The Tom Timmermans Band

624 More Spicy Than Hot

625 Tom Timmermans et al

626 Another Timmermans Honda

627 Tom Flamenco

628 Senor

629 Taking the Big East in an Ever-Easterly Direction

630 Yoko Ono's Fourth Husband

631 Steve Sears' 3rd Favorite Irish Basketball Player

632 Tom T(sqrt(-1))mmermans

633 The Fierce Wind of the North Sea

634 The EU's Strong Right Arm

635 The Great Divide

636 The Man that keeps Belgium down

637 McGlinn's Alarm Clock

638 The Monster of McGlinn

639 574-634-3024

640 Thomas.A.Timmermans.1@nd.edu

641 TAT

642 - .. -- -- . .-. -- .- -. ...

643 Andries the Giant

644 127 Marilyn Keough Hall

645 The Reason Beds in McGlinn are 7 Feet Long

646 There is No Life Size Poster This Big

647 The Big Ticket

648 The Enforcer of the Big East

649 Windsor's Wonderman

650 IU's Dream Recruit

651 T. Andries

652 Andries Mountains

653 The Boat Club's Biggest Bust

654 The Tomatometer

655 Sir Elton Tohm

656 Dunkin' Dutch

657 A line: the shortest distance between two points

658 The greatest product of the Ajax system

659 Patrick Kluivert in wooden basketball shoes

660 A-Ha's Lead Vocalist

661 Queen Beatrix's Royal Center

662 The Next Jan Peter Balkenende

663 Gheorge Muresan's Better Half

664 The Son of a Dutch Carriagemaker

665 PGA Tour golfer Trevor Timmelman(s)

666 Post-Dispatch sports writer Tom Timmermann

667 The Real Number

668 Tom DeLuise

669 THE Tom Timmermans University

670 He's Going To Make House Party Look Like House Party 2

671 It's Called Joyce Center, Not Joyce Ghetto

672 The Result of Penelope Cruz-Cruise Meeting Reuben Boumtje-Boumtje

673 The Don

674 Technical Tom

675 Double T

676 Gravity

677 The Wall

678 Timber

679 Timble

680 50 Stories Tall

681 Tall Boy Tim

682 The Tower

683 Future Notre Dame Starting Offensive Lineman

684 Tom da Bomb

685 Tickle me Tom

686 XXL

687 It's raining Tom

688 Tomopoly

689 Timmer Tom has got it going on

690 Outta Control

691 Tomzilla

692 T to the O to the M

693 Topple Tom

694 The Tom Tom Club

695 The Genius of Love

696 Dutchitally Mixed, Tommy Tutone Timmermans

697 Dutchboy Paint Patrol

698 "Nature Boy" Tom Timmermans

699 Sweet Baby Tom

700 Dutch E. Cheese

701 Half Dollar

702 The Dutch Gotsch

703 Tom Shammtom

704 Tom Tolbert's Illegitimate Dutch Son

705 T-Bone

706 Strong Like Bull

707 T-Tim

708 Swifty

709 Women Love Him, Men Fear and Respect Him

710 E pluribus Tom (Out of many, Tom)

711 Emeka's Worst Nightmare

712 Ludicrous Speed

713 The Human Layup Machine

714 Too Dutch, Too Soon

715 How Dutch is Too Dutch?

716 Tommerknocker Timmermans

717 The High Ankle Sprain

718 The Moving Screen

719 Johnny Fairplay

720 Count Dunkula

721 The Mansierre

722 The Negotiator

723 Mr. Cleanjersey

724 Randall McPherson

725 The Old-Fashioned 2-Point Play

726 Sammy Splintersocks

727 The Tim Andree of the 21st Century

728 Tom Tom the Piper's Son

729 That's Dr. Basketball to you son

730 Tom.com

731 Air Wood

732 The Get Back Kid

733 Projected Late First Round

734 Creator of the CBA Development League

735 The Mayor of SLAMsterdam

736 Tom Timmermints

737 Dutch Mints

738 Trip to my Lou

739 Dutch Professor

740 Tom "I Don't Need to Jump to Dunk" Timmermans

741 Tom............... and the Bonus!

742 Too Le-Dutch to Quit

743 Just a Shade Under 7 Feet of Pure Dutch Love

744 Jolly Green Timmermans

745 The Dean of Local Sports

746 The Dean of International Sports

747 Keyser Soze

748 Ghetto Bastard

749 Don't Mess With Amsterdam

750 Porn Star Dutch Diggler

751 83 Inches in Length

752 Mack Truck

753 Livin' La Vida Timmermans

754 Inventor of the Internet

755 The Meaning of Life

756 Metrosexual

757 Future Governor of California

758 Next Year�s Super Bowl Half-time Show

759 Founded July 31, 1981. Aged to Perfection.

760 Coming to America 2: Here to Stay

761 www.nd.edu/~ttimmerm

762 Team 453

763 Genius

764 Circus Freak

765 iTom

766 Generation NEXT

767 Fluent in Only One Language: Basketball

768 Google search: "Tom Timmermans". 2,090 results, search took 0.19 seconds.

769 Tenacious T

770 Kurt Rambis Without the Specs
771 4M
772 The White Might of Dutch Outta Sight
773 Carpe Dutchman
774 Gonna Ride You Like a Burro on Tom Sunday
775 Tommy Fiasco
776 Tequila Tom, the White Lightning
777 Legal Name: Hercules Rockefeller
778 His Royal Dutchness
779 Dutchie Dutcherson
780 Air Dutch
781 Timberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmans!
782 The Only Man with A Higher Turnover to Assist Ratio than Chris Thomas
783 Tom "The Tiger (in the sack!)" Timmermans
784 Thumb Fingermans
785 His Dutch Shake Is Better Than Yours
786 The Man of Windmill Slams from The Land of Windmills
787 Mike Brey's Dutch Crutch
788 Dutch is Life...and Tom Timmermans
789 Tom "The Touch" Timmermans
790 The Shocker
791 Tom "M1" Timmermans - 'cuz he's money
792 The Western Yao Ming
793 The Not-So-Far Eastern Yao Ming
794 The Juice of the Joyce
795 Tom "Like a Prayer" Timmermans
796 Like a Drive-by Because He's Up and Down the Floor So Fast
797 Tom "Like Your Mother Because He Always Delivers" Timmermans
798 The Reason Carmelo Left Early
799 The Not-So-Little Dutchboy
800 Tom "Cold Fusion" Timmermans
801 Indian Giver: Because You're Never Gonna Get Another Shot
802 A.I. With Better Shot Selection
803 Dick Vitale's Wet Dream
804 Tom "I'll take you off the dribble and your mom" Timmermans
805 The Thing That Keeps Me Warm On Those Long Cold South Bend Nights
806 Rembrandt's Greatest Masterpiece
807 Tom "Nether say Nether" Timmermans

808 Under the Back Foul

809 The Afro Pick

810 Tommy Von Peekdownblouse

811 Tom "I Think That's My Size 15 Wooden Shoe in your Ass" Timmermans

812 The Netherland Ranch

813 Dutch Nuts in Yo Mouth

814 Tommy Legend

815 Tom "Call Me Anything, Just Don't Call Me Late For" Timmermans

816 Double Bonus

817 Dutch, Yet Always Her Treat

818 You Can Stop Him, and You Can Almost Be Assured of Containing Him

819 Double Dutch Bonus

820 Air Amsterdam

821 LeTom James

822 KLM

823 The Nifty Fifty

824 The 83 Inch Janet Jackson Nipple Ornament

825 Toms With Calcium

826 European Sasquatch Sighting

827 Dehydrated, Anemic Shaquille O'Neal

828 Western Vlade Divac

829 The future winner of an "Indiana All Imported Big Men" knife fight with Ivan Kartello

830 Neither Dutch law nor the Big East bylaws mandate wearing underpants

831 Don't Think Because He's Iced Out That He's Going to Cool Off

832 I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more Dutch Timmermania

833 The Shifty Fifty

834 Tom "My Favorite Cat Stevens Album is Tea For The" Timmermans

835 God Timmergod

836 Shiver Me Timmermans

837 Shock and Awe

838 Poetry in Motion

839 The Personification of "Oh No He Didn't"

840 The Big Matinee

841 The Orange-Man

842 Timmerman's Royal House of Orange

843 Tom Gouda the Basket

844 Coach Brey Looks Like He Had Bad Breath

845 Yesterday's Breakfast

846 Ivan Kartello's Illegitimate Son

847 Jere Macura's Legitimate Dad

848 Goldmember

849 The Dutch Priest

850 The Apple of Coach Brey's Big White European Basketball Eye

851 Hostile Takeover

852 Get Up, Get Down, Get On The Floor

853 2-3 Zone Killer

854 Gouda if it Goes

855 T2: Judgment Day

856 Timmerman Toast Crunch

857 Death From Above

858 The Timmerman Cometh

859 Do You Know the Timmer Man

860 We Can See You're TT!

861 Let's Go Dutch!

862 Holland Dazed and Confused

863 The Plague from the Hague

864 Tom the Tulip

865 Dutch Obliged

866 The Captain That Righted the Notre Dame Basketball Ship

867 Master and Commander

868 Tom "Enough to Overcome CT's Poor Shot Selection" Timmermans

869 The Classic Proverb: Tom is Money

870 NKOTB: Netherlands' King of the Bend

871 The Dutch E-Z Bake Oven

872 Tom "Guess Who Has a 3PT Percentage Now?" Timmermans

873 The White Whale to Our Opponents' Metaphoric Captain Ahab

874 Timms

875 The Bracket Buster

876 The NCAA Leader in Intangibles

877 Peeping Tom

878 Big Shawns Marions

879 Trey Timmermans

880 The Answer to the Question: What Da Hook Gon' Be?

881 50 Euro Cent

882 Uncle Tom Timmerman's Dutch Cabin

883 Thomas The (Dutch) Tank Engine

884 The Irish Beast

885 JACC in the Box

886 CT's Big Dutch Security Blanket

887 Hickory Dickory Dutch

888 Big Poppa

889 T-Murder

890 Driehuis Dream Machine

891 Mr. Short Black Dress Socks

892 Better Shooter Than Colin Falls

893 Jolly Dutch Giant

894 Is He a Factor? Is He a Non-Factor? Nobody Knows!

895 The Reason Hakim Warrick Wakes Up in a Cold Sweat

896 Schweaty Palms

897 Dutch Dimeman

898 Long Tom Silvers

899 Most Likely to Appear in a Local TV Commercial (after Mike Brey)

900 Blonde Vlade Divac Without the Beard

901 The Real Reason Tourists Go to the Netherlands

902 A Better Pure Passer Than Ben Roethlisberger

903 Tommy Hustle

904 Tom "Atkins Friendly" Timmermans

905 The Blue Ridge Bomber

906 Tom "Droppin' Dimes" Timmermans

907 The Dime Droppin' Dutchman

908 The Great Wall of the Netherlands

909 The Incredible Bulk

910 Tom "Call Me Ishmael...No, Don't" Timmermans

911 The Mark Paul Gosselaar of Basketball

912 A Streetcar Named Timmermans

913 The Human Subliminal Rorschach Test

914 Like the Pythagorean Theorem... There is No Answer

915 Tom "Chad, Get Off My Jock" Timmermans

916 Mr. T Sans Bling Bling

917 The Notorious T.A.T.

918 The TAT Offensive

919 JusTom Timberlake

920 Tom Timmermans, So Hot Right Now

921 The Dutch Equivalent of Mardi Gras Beads

922 Timmer man... MER MAN

923 Not Just a Big Dutchman Dunking Basketballs. A Big Dutchman Dunking Basketballs, Old School.

924 Equal Parts Size, Athleticism, and Dutch

925 There's No "I" in Team Because it's in "Timmermans"

926 When You're Not Looking, This Nickname is in Spanish

927 Honesty is the Best Policy, But Timmermans is the Best Defense

928 Tom "Keeping the Mid-Range Jumpshot Alive" Timmermans

929 Not Quite the Sum of His Parts

930 TT the Dutch Plane

931 The Dutch Express

932 Tom "Hot Sizzle" Timmermans

933 Come Mr. Timmerman, Tommy Me Banana

934 Tom Petty and the Fastbreakers

935 March Madness to the Beat of the Tom-Tom

936 Timmermonkey

937 Tom "I Broke Okafor Down Off the Dribble" Timmermans

938 Not So Tiny Tim Tommermans

939 The Reason For at Least One of Stuart Scott's 15,000 Boo-yah's

940 The Okeydoke Dutch Show

941 The Antilles Heel

942 The Netherlands Neanderthal

943 Brey's Bodyguard

944 Elton Thom

945 Tommy at the Nets

946 Dutchy Feely

947 A Man-and-a-Half

948 Thom Thumbermans

949 A Blond That Every Mother Could Love

950 Dream Date for a Big Girl

951 Identified Foreign Object

952 Tom Timmer-Super-mans

953 Timmer-califragilisticexpialidocious

954 Tom Swishermans

955 Fr. Hesburg's Window Washer

956 West Quad's Golden Dome

957 The Kolassus of Keough

958 JACCpot

959 BookStore ' 04 Dream-Come-True

960 Drive for Show, Dunk for Dough

961 The Irish Assassin

962 Tom "Redifining Eye Level" Timmermans

963 Holland's Highest Elevation

964 Tom-ta-Tom-Tom

965 Hoop-La

966 Troy Murphy Only Smarter

967 Big, Bold, Blond and Beautiful

968 Envy of the Little People

969 The Skyscraper of South Bend

970 Two-and-a-Third Yardsticks

971 The Blond Hypotenuse

972 The European Invasion

973 Bucketman

974 The Center From Helland

975 Give Him an Inch and He'll Be Seven Feet!

976 Reinforced for Wind Shear

977 Leprauchan Legion's Legend

978 Why Women Weep

979 Total Eclipse of the Library

980 Wing Span Man

981 Every Inch a Winner

982 This Blond's No Joke!

983 Leaps Small Defenders in a Single Bound

984 Hoop Hoop Hooray

985 The Big Ticket

986 Working OverTom

987 Add a Flux Capacitor, and He'll Be a Tom Machine

988 The Human Matchup Problem

989 The Answer to the Question: What's Cooler Than Being Cool?

990 The Man for All Seasons

991 The Most Underrated, Underrated Player in the Country

992 The JACC of All Trades

993 Grace in its Purest Form

994 Honorable Mention All Big East

995 The Human Genome

996 The RPI Booster

997 The Human Joystick

998 He's Not a Player He's Just Dutch a Lot

999 The Greatest Center named Tom to Come out of Holland via Virginia

1000 The Man of a Thousand Nicknames

1001 Dutch Gold - (the Natty Light of Ireland, just like Tom, it might not be pretty or smooth, but it gets the job done)
1002 The Token European on the ND Basketball Team
1003 The Amsterdam Live Sex Show
1004 El Gigante
1005 Throwing Elbows From the Elbow
1006 Special, But Not Special Like the Kid Down the Street Special, But Special Like Special K
1007 Top Shelf
1008 Sometimes Three Seconds, But Never Sloppy Seconds
1009 Big Tom Studd
1010 The Human Tetherball Pole
1011 Stretch Velvet
1012 I Signed Up to Host a Dutch, Blonde, Foreign Exchange Student, and This is What They Sent Me
1013 The Dutchman Cometh
1014 Tom "Bring Your Green Hat" Timmermans
1015 Snoop Dogg's Second Cousin, Once Removed
1016 1/8 of the g g g g g G-unit
1017 The Newest Member of the Roc-A-Fella Family
1018 Dutch & Go
1019 Holla ND!
1020 To HOLL AND Back
1021 Tom "I Like Tulip Service You" Timmermans
1022 Tom "I'll Wind Your Mill Up" Timmermans
1023 Tom "I'm Not Related to Ann Frank" Timmermans
1024 Dutchdown Jesus
1025 The Divine Proportion
1026 Gerry McNamara's Evil Twin
1027 The Reason St. John's Only Has Eight Players
1028 Keith "Tractor" Traylor's Protege
1029 Turns Third and Inches Into Fourth and Long
1030 Timmerlans Shoe Co.
1031 T-Bag
1032 McGlinn's "O" Face
1033 Dutch By Birth, All-American on the Basketball Court

Initial Internal Monologue on the Johan Santana Trade

aka me arguing with myself:

Point: The Twins get 4 of the Mets' top 7 prospects.

Counterpoint: But even Baseball America said that that wasn't enough for Johan Santana.

Counter-counterpoint #1: Most sources are comparing the actual deal to the Yankees offer that included Philip Hughes, and the Red Sox offer that included Jon Lester and Jacoby Ellsbury. Hughes and Lester had been taken off the table, and some sources project Ellsbury to be only the next Dave Roberts.

Counter-counterpoint #2: The Twins have always had a good eye for prospects. Santana was a Rule 5 pick, and they got Francisco Liriano, Joe Nathan, and Boof Bonser in return for AJ Pierzynski.

Counter-counter-counterpoint (to #2): True, but the Pierzynski deal was Terry Ryan. Bill Smith is the new GM.

Counter-counter-counter-counterpoint: Smith was Ryan's "right-hand man." So I wouldn't count him out yet, but it's probably too early to tell.


Meanwhile, many pessimistic sources see the Yankees and Red Sox missing out on Santana, and believe that the two teams will use that money to outbid the Indians for CC Sabathia. That and more Indians news (hopefully) later this week.

Notre Dame Alumni in the NFL Playoffs

Rocky Boiman, LB - Indianapolis: Wild Card: bye; Division: 1 special teams assisted tackle
Jerome Collins, TE - New York Giants: Wild Card: inactive; Division: inactive; Conference: inactive; Super Bowl: inactive
Anthony Fasano, TE - Dallas: Wild Card: bye; Division: 1 catch 5 yards
Marcus Freeman, TE - New York Giants: practice squad
David Givens, WR - Tennessee: Physically Unable to Perform
Ryan Grant, RB - Green Bay: Wild Card: bye; Division: 27 rush 201 yards 3 TD, 2 receptions 3 yards, 2 fumbles; Conference: 13 rush 29 yards, 1 reception -3 yards, 1 forced fumble
Craig Hentrich, P/K - Tennessee: Wild Card: 5 punts 198 yards 39.6 average 37.2 net 43 long
Carlyle Holiday, WR - Green Bay: Injured Reserve
Julius Jones, RB - Dallas: Wild Card: bye; Division: 3 rush 8 yards
Derek Landri, DT - Jacksonville: Wild Card: 1 interception 3 yds, fumble recovery, 1 sack 3 yds, 1 pass defended; Division: 1 assisted tackle, 1 quarterback hit
Sean Mahan, C - Pittsburgh: Last Week (team): 43 rush yards 2 TD, 337 pass yards 6 sacks
Luke Petitgout, T - Tampa Bay: Injured Reserve
Mike Richardson, CB - New England: practice squad/injured reserve
Allen Rossum, CB/PR - Pittsburgh: Wild Card: inactive
Hunter Smith, P - Indianapolis: Wild Card: bye; Division: 1 punt 49 yds touchback
Maurice Stovall, WR - Tampa Bay - Injured Reserve

Justin Tuck, DE - New York Giants: Wild Card: 2 tackles, 1 assisted tackle, 1 quarterback hit; Division: 1 tackle; Conference: 3 tackles, 1 assisted tackle, 1 quarterback hit, 1 pass defended; Super Bowl: 5 tackles, 1 assisted tackle, 2 sacks -14 yards, 2 quarterback hits, 1 forced fumble

Top Ten Ways Sports Are Better Than Politics, In Increasing Order Of How Much Those Politicians Are Missing Out

by Klondike, 2007 KankaNation Laetare Recipient

#10: In politics, no one cares if you can dunk.

#9: You can watch sports on ESPN, ABC, NBC, Fox . . . the list goes on. What do politicians get? C-SPAN.

#8: Everything can be explained with a sports metaphor. Even politics are better explained using sports metaphors. Metaphorically, politics only relate to business meetings, bad reality-TV shows, and ancient Europe.

#7: If you're looking for a political party, you really only have two mascots to choose from.

#6: Sports can have politics, but you'll never see two senators tossing a ball around the senate floor.

#5: In sports, you don't have to make shady, back-room, quasi-legal deals to make a lot of money. You just have to make a shoe commercial.

#4: In politics, overt physical violence against one's opponent on a personal level is discouraged.

#3: Cheerleaders.

#2: If you're in a political party, personal vices can get you fired. If you play a professional sport, personal vices just add to the mystique.

#1: In sports, you come crashing out of a huge hoop to rock music, fireworks, and tens of thousands of fans standing and screaming. In politics, you say "present.'