Thursday, February 28, 2008

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

Editor's Note: Didn't think this was coming today, so scroll down to see this year's first installment of ND Bubble Watch.

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Hall of Fame horse trainer Sidney Watters Jr. has died at the age of 90. After a long illness, Watters was mercifully taken behind the barn and shot.

Gary Sheffield has lashed out at his former agent Scott Boras, calling him a "bad person." Which is the equivalent of Britney Spears saying that Lindsay Lohan is out of control.

260-pound Brewers slugger Prince Fielder has decided to stop eating meat. In a related story, Wisconsin will be tripling its dairy production.

The Florida Marlins have finally reached an agreement for a brand new stadium. The agreement is that the Dolphins and the Heat will never play there. Hopefully there'll be seating for all 300 Marlins fans. The ballpark will cost $515 million, raising the value of the franchise to $515 million.

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen reportedly cursed over 1,000 times during a recent hour-long meeting. We'd air a bleeped version, but it'd sound like Morse code.

LeBron James' girlfriend is pregnant with the couple's third child, giving James the NBA record for most kids with the same woman.

San Antonio has acquired power forward Kurt Thomas from Seattle. The Spurs now have more veterans than the VFW.

And after 293 starts, golfer Brian Gay finally won a tournament. However, he's still not allowed to get married.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit