Top Ten Ways Sports Are Better Than Politics, In Increasing Order Of How Much Those Politicians Are Missing Out

by Klondike, 2007 KankaNation Laetare Recipient

#10: In politics, no one cares if you can dunk.

#9: You can watch sports on ESPN, ABC, NBC, Fox . . . the list goes on. What do politicians get? C-SPAN.

#8: Everything can be explained with a sports metaphor. Even politics are better explained using sports metaphors. Metaphorically, politics only relate to business meetings, bad reality-TV shows, and ancient Europe.

#7: If you're looking for a political party, you really only have two mascots to choose from.

#6: Sports can have politics, but you'll never see two senators tossing a ball around the senate floor.

#5: In sports, you don't have to make shady, back-room, quasi-legal deals to make a lot of money. You just have to make a shoe commercial.

#4: In politics, overt physical violence against one's opponent on a personal level is discouraged.

#3: Cheerleaders.

#2: If you're in a political party, personal vices can get you fired. If you play a professional sport, personal vices just add to the mystique.

#1: In sports, you come crashing out of a huge hoop to rock music, fireworks, and tens of thousands of fans standing and screaming. In politics, you say "present.'