The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

New York Knicks coach Isiah Thomas' 19-year-old son was arrested for underage drinking. His father immediately signed him to a six-year contract. The news is especially unfortunate because everything had been going so well for Isiah.

Heat center Shaquille O'Neal has indicated that he will keep playing basketball for at least two more years. The rap world is thrilled.

Nike's new Jordan 23s will cost $230 a pair. You may think that's extravagant but $115 of that goes directly to Michael Jordan's ex-wife. Wow, $230 for shoes. To afford that, you'd pretty much have to be a habitual gambler.

An arbitrator ruled that Terrell Owens owes the Philadelphia Eagles $800,000 in signing bonus money. Owens can earn this simply by skipping his next overdose.

Terrell Owens reportedly exchanged phone numbers with Paris Hilton in a Dallas nightclub, probably to discuss their mutual love of train wrecks.

Former Silver medalist boxer Amir Khan is already drawing big money and big hype, despite non-thrilling performances against ordinary opposition. Apparently "Amir Khan" is Pakistani for "Ryan Leaf."

And a group called ProjectFranchise.org is raising money to buy a professional sports team, and plans to let the fans vote on every decision. The group is based in Miami, but the Heat, Dolphins, and Marlins are not being considered. The point, after all is to buy a professional sports team.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

Bill Belichick Wasn't a Complete Failure in Cleveland

Editor's Note: Multiple posts today! Scroll down to see my quick take of the Clemens Report. If you subscribed to my RSS feed, you wouldn't have to worry about missing posts on multiple posts days. Hint hint.

Joe Posnanski is a Cleveland native and the author of The Soul of Baseball, which is the story of a year in the life of Buck O'Neil. It's a fantastic book, and I need to review it on this site someday.

Anyways, Posnanski has a blog that is becoming increasingly popular among those in the baseball and sports blogospheres. In a recent post he explains that while his time in Cleveland wasn't perfect, Bill Belichick wasn't a complete failure with the Cleveland Browns.

Roger Clemens Report

The report created by Roger Clemens' attorneys in an attempt to prove he didn't take steroids is now online:
http://www.rogerclemensreport.com/reports/ClemensReport.pdf

I wish I had the time to break this down fully. But scanning it, here
are some amusing highlights:

• A list of Hall of Fame pitchers who played past age 40, to prove that
  it's not uncommon. Nevermind that most of the pitchers are:
  
  
  
  • From the turn of the century, when arm-straining pitches like
    sliders and split finger fastballs didn't exist. (Ironically, the
    report names Clemens' addition of a splitter as one of the reasons for
    his longevity). Or,
  
  
  • Relievers, who obviously don't pitch as much, or
  
  
  • Knuckleballers and spitballers like Neikro and Gaylord Perry
  
  
  
  
• One of the authors lists himself as a black belt in Tae Kwon Do.


• A random poorly-scanned chart that claims Clemens would have gone
  24-3 with an ERA under 2.00 at Arlington in 2005. I'm sure it
  egregiously neglects the fact that Arlington is one of the best
  hitter's parks in the league, meaning he would have given up more runs
  in addition to getting better run support.

Trivia of the day:
Cy Young, as the report mentions, pitched until he was 44. Legend has it
that he retired not because he couldn't pitch any more, but because
everyone started bunting against him and he was too old to get off the
mound to field the ball.

Read with Brady Quinn

Brady Quinn, the quarterback who makes girls go chica-chica-boom-boom, sat down as part of the Read with the Browns program to read his favorite childhood story, Chica Chica Boom Boom. The article is here; click on the "Read with the Browns" link under "Related Media" to bring up the video player.



My thoughts:

• His hair is growing back nicely.


• This is a much better acting job than the EAS commercial... except for the "Oh no!" line.


• How did he get through that entire book with a straight face?

Notre Dame Senior Bowl Recap

As I mentioned last week, Tom Zbikowski, Trevor Laws, John Sullivan, and John Carlson were selected to play in this year's Senior Bowl. Unfortunately, per Blue Gray Sky, Carlson was unable to play due to illness.

Also unfortunate is the fact that I wasn't able to see the game, so this recap comes completely from the stat sheet (PDF). Zbikowski started for the North, and recorded five tackles, good for fourth best on the team. He also recovered a fumble.

But to Notre Dame followers, the Senior Bowl was finally Trevor Laws' moment in the sun. Coming off the bench, Laws recorded six tackles, good for third on the team behind big names Dan Conner and Xavier Adibi. Laws also had a sack, and ran a fumble recovery back 6 yards. Laws played hard all year during a difficult season, and got little attention for it. But his performance during the Senior Bowl, and during the week of practice leading up to it, should raise his draft stock considerably.

UPDATE: Michael Rothstein of Irish Insights adds that Laws was named Most Outstanding Lineman and Zbikowski had a 38-yard kickoff return which was named Long Distance Play of the Game.

UPDATE #2: NFL.com's highlight video has a clip of Laws' fumble recovery and run.

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Dan Marino's cell phone went off twice on a CBS' Sprint Halftime Report. Turns out it was Tom Brady and Eli Manning, calling to rub it in.

The Super Bowl is set with the Giants and the Patriots. It's about time New York and Boston had some kind of rivalry.

Muhammad Ali Enterprises is launching an official online store. Details are still shaky.

The good news is that Justine Henin and Maria Sharapova battled at the Australian Open. The bad news is they were both fully clothed.

NCAA Division II will expand to Canada, in a new division known as the N-C-Eh-Eh.

Bobby Knight has become the first men's Division I coach to reach 900 victories. Knight thanked IKEA.

The Lakers' injury list continues to grow. Pretty soon, Kobe Bryant will run out of people to not pass to.

And Miami baller Alonzo Mourning announced he may not retire after this year. Just what Florida needs: more old people who can't drive. Why not stick around? The team's doing great with him. How bad are the Miami Heat? In comparison, the Dolphins are now just mediocre.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

The New York Yankees paid a $23.5 million luxury tax, directly to the Florida Marlins. The Marlins plan on using the money to compete with the Nationals for fourth place.

Barry Bonds appeared in court this week, wearing a suit with the biggest neck hole ever.

The Michigan State Spartans benched five players from the Champs Sports Bowl, due to various violations. Among the five were defensive standouts Jonal Saint-Dic and SirDarean Adams, who were benched for having silly names.

Speaking of silly names, in tennis, Dominik Hrbaty pulled out of the Australian Open, after injuring his elbow while trying to buy a vowel.

After a 9-16 start, the Bulls fired coach Scott Skiles. Hey New York Knicks: see how easy that was? In related news, the Miami Dolphins set their coach on fire.

Golfer Lorena Ochoa was selected the AP's female athlete of the year for the second year in a row, narrowly edging out Alex Rodriguez. Tom Brady won the AP's male athlete of the year, after impregnating half the judges.

And for the first time in four years, Michelle Wie did not receive one of the four sponsors exemptions to play in the Sony Open. This year, the tournament decided to give the exemptions to golfers.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

The Bejing Olympic torch will make an appearance in Tiananmen Square, before being crushed by a tank.

Knicks coach Isiah Thomas has said that all of his players are "untouchable." Much like plague victims and lepers. Despite this, Thomas believes that the women in the organization are plenty touchable.

New Jersey Net Jason Kidd is having a child with his girlfriend. Kidd is excited to be credited with the assist.

Congress called a special hearing to tell Major League Baseball to crack down on steroids. Because they've really got that whole war issue wrapped up.

Sprinter Marion Jones has been sentenced to six months in prison. But with her speed, she'll be out in three.

And double-amputee sprinter Oscar Pistorius has said he will appeal his ban from competing in the Beijing Olympics. It's nice to hear he's still stumping for change. It's a nice gesture, but legally the guy doesn't have a leg to stand on. When reached for comment, Pistorious said, "arrrrr!"


For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

The Detroit Lions fired offensive coordinator Mike Martz after going 1-7 in the second half. Martz was surprised as it was Detroit's best second half in ten years. The Detroit Lions had started the season 6-2 before suddenly remembering they were the Detroit Lions.

The San Francisco 49ers did not fire coach Mike Nolan, instead blaming their 5-11 season on global warming.

Marion Jones has asked a judge not to give her jail time, saying her disgrace was punishment enough. Which will set up a very convincing insanity plea. Yes, humiliation is a true substitute for jail time. Luckily for Jones, this is the same judge that ordered an armed robber to be publicly nooggied. In fairness, Jones was stripped of all of her medals. And there's no replacing those - except with the millions of dollars she got to keep.

Munich is a strong candidate for the 2018 Olympics. Because that went so well last time.

The New York Knicks are so bad, they're the forth best basketball team in the New York area, behind the Nets, the Liberty, and the NYU Violets. The Knicks are so bad that they make Miami look like they have a good team. A good football team.

And the Boston Celtics have the best record in the Eastern Conference. In fairness, most of their games are against teams in the Eastern Conference.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Maria Sharapova claimed that Women's Tennis is free from corruption. However, there are financial bonuses for grunting.

The already retired Martina Hingis has been inexplicably banned for two years for testing positive for cocaine. That'll show her. Officials learned of her cocaine problem after she snorted the service line.

New York Jets safety Kerry Rhodes is dating one of the team's offensive lineman. I'm sorry - he's dating Jennifer Hudson.

Grambling head coach Rod Broadway denied the rumor that he's leaving the school. He admitted, however, that he is named after a gay porn star.

The Dolphins fired coach Cam Cameron, just 16 games too late. The Knicks have already made an offer.

81-year-old Penn State coach Joe Paterno said he planned to honor his two-year contract. Mother Nature has yet to sign the deal.

Floyd Mayweather is mulling over a move to Mixed Martial Arts, and Roy Jones worked out with the New York Knicks. The two were no longer content with boring fans to tears in just one sport.

And Former All-Star pitcher Gerry Staley has died at the age of 87. The Yankees have since offered their condolences and a two-year contract.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

The New York Knicks paid Anucha Browne Sanders $11.5 million to settle her lawsuit. Makes sense - the Knicks paying millions to someone who can't play basketball.

Wayne Huzienga says he'd be willing to sell the Dolphins, or trade them for a pro football team.

The 2012 U.S. Olympic track and field trials will be held in Eugene. A somewhat frazzled Eugene could not be reached for comment.

Alex Rodriguez said that he and agent Scott Boras are not speaking to each other. It may last the whole season, but A-Rod plans to cave in October.

Roger Clemens has denied he used steroids and said he'd love to meet his accuser face to oversized face.

In 2009, George Steinbrenner High School opens in Tampa and for the first time, Steinbrenner will be associated with the grossly underpaid. The school principal has already been fired four times.

Manny Ramirez's game-used do-rags are available for $26 on eBay. That's a bargain, considering the current price of oil.

And the New York Mets will raise ticket prices about 20% for next season. The Mets will use the extra cash to pay for all the steroids and losing. Thankfully, ticket prices will decrease by 7% over the last 17 games of the season.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

News and Notes

• At the bottom of each post, I've added a button that will let you bookmark the post to Digg, Reddit, etc., if you're into that sort of thing.


• I also included links to the site's two RSS feeds at the bottom of each post, so please give those a try. If either of these two updates is an eyesore, please let me know.


• On Facebook? Join the KankaNation group!


• I'm hoping to have the countdown clock up again soon. Please check out this thread on the message board and chime in on who should be on this year's clock.


• Congratulations to Justin Tuck, who celebrated a 10 sack season with a huge contract extension. Oh, and he's going to the Super Bowl.


• If you believe the stories, even only to a small extent, Josh Gibson may have been the greatest ballplayer ever. So, I often wondered, why did he never make it to the Major Leagues? Sadly, Gibson died of a brain tumor in January 1947, mere months before Jackie Robinson made his famous debut.

Recent posts, in case you missed them:

• The KankaSports Hall of Fame Class of 2008


• My annual email correspondence with Dave about this year's baseball hall of fame class


• Klondike's interpretations of various crowd cheers and jeers


• Notre Dame Men's and Women's Basketball and Men's Hockey schedule


• Some Cleveland Indians news


• Zbikowski, Laws, Carlson, and Sullivan to play in next Saturday's Senior Bowl


• Notre Dame Alumni in the NFL Playoffs update

Finally, what better a day to post one of my all-time favorite Fr. Hesburgh pictures:

Notre Dame Alumni in the NFL Playoffs

Rocky Boiman, LB - Indianapolis: Wild Card: bye; Division: 1 special teams assisted tackle
Jerome Collins, TE - New York Giants: Wild Card: inactive; Division: inactive; Conference: inactive
Anthony Fasano, TE - Dallas: Wild Card: bye; Division: 1 catch 5 yards
Marcus Freeman, TE - New York Giants: practice squad
David Givens, WR - Tennessee: Physically Unable to Perform

Ryan Grant, RB - Green Bay: Wild Card: bye; Division: 27 rush 201 yards 3 TD, 2 receptions 3 yards, 2 fumbles; Conference: 13 rush 29 yards, 1 reception -3 yards, 1 forced fumble
Craig Hentrich, P/K - Tennessee: Wild Card: 5 punts 198 yards 39.6 average 37.2 net 43 long
Carlyle Holiday, WR - Green Bay: Injured Reserve
Julius Jones, RB - Dallas: Wild Card: bye; Division: 3 rush 8 yards
Derek Landri, DT - Jacksonville: Wild Card: 1 interception 3 yds, fumble recovery, 1 sack 3 yds, 1 pass defended; Division: 1 assisted tackle, 1 quarterback hit
Sean Mahan, C - Pittsburgh: Last Week (team): 43 rush yards 2 TD, 337 pass yards 6 sacks
Luke Petitgout, T - Tampa Bay: Injured Reserve
Allen Rossum, CB/PR - Pittsburgh: Wild Card: inactive
Hunter Smith, P - Indianapolis: Wild Card: bye; Division: 1 punt 49 yds touchback
Maurice Stovall, WR - Tampa Bay - Injured Reserve
Justin Tuck, DE - New York Giants: Wild Card: 2 tackles, 1 assisted tackle, 1 quarterback hit; Division: 1 tackle; Conference: 3 tackles, 1 assisted tackle, 1 quarterback hit, 1 pass defended

Four Notre Dame Stars to Play in Senior Bowl

Notre Dame was shut out of the Hula Bowl and the East-West Shrine game, but Tom Zbikowski, Trevor Laws, John Carlson, and John Sullivan were added to the Senior Bowl roster this year. The Senior Bowl is the most prestigious of all postseason graduate bowls, as it features a heavy dose of NFL scouts and coaches.

The game is next Saturday, January 26, at 3:00 Eastern. Now the bad news - it's on the NFL Network. (However, if you do get the NFL Network, you should also be able to watch the full week of Senior Bowl practices leading up to the game.)

Cleveland Indians News

Baseball America just released their free list of this year's Cleveland Indians Top 10 Prospects. There's a decent amount of moving and shaking, as seen by comparing last year's projected 2010 lineup to this year's projected 2011 lineup. Per BA, Ryan Garko's emergence will keep Victor Martinez behind the plate, at least 4 out of every 5 games. Most Cleveland fans have already permanently replaced Josh Barfield with Asdrubal Cabrera. But the big surprise is at third base. Sure, many are already calling Andy Marte a bust. But not many people have 2007 first round pick Beau Mills as the Tribe's hot corner man of the future already. Heck, when he was drafted, some questioned whether Mills had the glove to even play third base professionally.
In the outfield, Nick Weglarz replaces Trevor Crowe, who had a fall from grace after a failed experiment at 2B towards the end of 2006. Of course, in 2008 Crowe will be eager to prove he should still be in Cleveland's future plans. The rest of the lineup and rotation, and the closer's role, are rounded out by guys who established themselves in 2007 - Franklin Gutierrez, Fausto Carmona, Aaron Laffey, Rafael Perez - and two guys who have the talent to be knocking on the door in 2008 - Adam Miller and Chuck Lofgren.

For those of you who prefer listening to reading, check out Baseball Prospectus' radio page for an interview with Indians Assistant GM Chris Antonetti. Antonetti was one of the hottest commodities in the future GM market, until he signed a deal to stay and Cleveland and become Mark Shapiro's successor when Shapiro is eventually promoted to team president.

Notre Dame Alumni in the NFL Playoffs

Rocky Boiman, LB - Indianapolis: Last Week: bye; This Week: 1 special teams assisted tackle
Jerome Collins, TE - New York Giants: Last Week: inactive; This Week: inactive
Anthony Fasano, TE - Dallas: Last Week: bye; This Week: 1 catch 5 yards
Marcus Freeman, TE - New York Giants: practice squad
David Givens, WR - Tennessee: Physically Unable to Perform

Ryan Grant, RB - Green Bay: Last Week: bye; This Week: 27 rush 201 yards 3 TD, 2 receptions 3 yards, 2 fumbles
Craig Hentrich, P/K - Tennessee: Last Week: 5 punts 198 yards 39.6 average 37.2 net 43 long
Carlyle Holiday, WR - Green Bay: Injured Reserve
Julius Jones, RB - Dallas: Last Week: bye; This Week: 3 rush 8 yards

Derek Landri, DT - Jacksonville: Last Week: 1 interception 3 yds, fumble recovery, 1 sack 3 yds, 1 pass defended; This Week: 1 assisted tackle, 1 quarterback hit
Sean Mahan, C - Pittsburgh: Last Week (team): 43 rush yards 2 TD, 337 pass yards 6 sacks
Luke Petitgout, T - Tampa Bay: Injured Reserve
Allen Rossum, CB/PR - Pittsburgh: Last Week: inactive
Hunter Smith, P - Indianapolis: Last Week: bye; This Week: 1 punt 49 yds touchback
Maurice Stovall, WR - Tampa Bay - Injured Reserve

Justin Tuck, DE - New York Giants: Last Week: 2 tackles, 1 assisted tackle, 1 quarterback hit; This Week: 1 tackle

In addition, several coaches with Notre Dame ties are in the playoffs. I didn't have time to track down stats, or even to find everyone that may be associated with ND, but these few jumped out:
Green Bay: Tom Clements Quarterbacks Coach, Kurt Schottenheimer Secondary Coach
Jacksonville: Andy Heck Offensive Line Coach
New England: Dean Pees Defensive Coordinator
Tampa Bay: Jim Gruden Personnel Consultant

Notre Dame Winter Sports Schedule

If you're like me, you've had a difficult time following Notre Dame's winter sports after graduating. Football is easy - you just turn on the TV every Saturday, and there they are. But the basketball and hockey teams play at irregular times during the week, and they're not always on TV. That's why I came up with this consolidated schedule, complete with TV listings. In the words of a certain SDH card swiper, "Enjoy."



Click here to see the entire schedule in a new window.

Twelve Rough Translations Of The Things That The Spectators Are Yelling At You, In Increasing Magnitude Of Subtle Nuance

by Klondike, 2007 KankaNation Laetare Recipient

Editor's Note: Scroll down for Dave and my annual email exchange about the Baseball Hall of Fame inductions.

#12
What They Are Yelling: "Boo!"
Rough Translation: You just participated in something very bad. Intentions do not matter. Bad luck does not matter. Not being a savant does not matter. What matters is that you are entirely responsible for bad things happening, and that you must mend your ways immediately. From this moment forward, remember what you have just done, and take all necessary steps to ensure that it never happens again.

#11
What They Are Yelling: "Whoo!"
Rough Translation: You just did something very good. The spectators find this acceptable, and their collective expectations concerning your future endeavors have been raised. Remember what you just did, because you are now expected to repeat it unfailingly for the rest of your career.

#10
What They Are Yelling: "Defense!"
Rough Translation: Your opposition is maneuvering in a way that is disadvantageous to you. You must immediately ascertain how and why, and take appropriate mitigating action to the utmost extent that you are able. If the opposition's maneuvers are successful in any way, it is your fault, and you are a bad person.

#9
What They Are Yelling: "Throw the Ball!"
Rough Translation: You currently have a ball of some kind in your possession. This is unacceptable. Get rid of this ball immediately. Do everything you can to get the ball as far away from you as possible. Propelling the ball with your arm(s) is fine, but dropping and/or kicking the ball will probably be frowned upon.

#8
What They Are Yelling: "Catch the Ball!"
Rough Translation: You currently do not have a ball of some kind in your possession. This is unacceptable. Fortunately, there may be some kind of ball heading in your general direction. Position yourself in such a fashion as to intercept the ball. Once again, it is usually important that you do not subsequently drop or kick the ball.

#7
What They Are Yelling: "Run The Ball!"
Rough Translation: You currently have a ball of some kind at Point A. It is imperative that both you and the ball arrive at Point B as expeditiously as possible. Forget about your teammates, your game-plan, your coach and your mother; all you need to know is that you are at Point A, and this is unacceptable.

#6
What They Are Yelling: "Go!"
Rough Translation: Usually, this indicates that the situation you are in requires you to run as fast as you can. Do not stop. Do not think. Do not throw anything or look for anyone or wait for conditions to improve. Run, and keep running until an appropriate authority indicates otherwise. Alternately, this could be a general exhortation to succeed, but it is best to be safe and just start running.

#5
What They Are Yelling: "Go-Go-Go!"
Rough Translation: The situation you are in requires you to run faster than any human has ever run, ever. You should run so fast that you cannot stop without arrestor cables and drogue parachutes. You should run so fast that Zombie Einstein will have to come up with a new mass-energy equation just for you. If you have tunnel vision, it means you can still see, and you aren't running fast enough. Scream, if you like; if you run as fast as your situation requires, no one will hear you.

#4
What They Are Yelling: "Go For It!"
Rough Translation: You are currently faced with a number of options. One of those options involves an inordinately high degree of risk. This is the option you must take, regardless of the level of any possible reward. Success will validate the collective tactical genius of the spectators. Failure will be entirely your fault, because you are fundamentally incapable.

#3
What They Are Yelling: "Go! Fight! Win! Yay!"
Rough Translation: Those are not spectators. Those are cheerleaders. Get your head in the game.

#2
What They Are Yelling: "Get Him!"
Rough Translation: A member of the opposition is living, breathing, and doing something to further the designs of the opposition. He should be doing none of these things, and it is your task to make it so. Efficiency in this endeavor is good, but thoroughness is better.

#1
What They Are Yelling: "You Suck!"
Rough Translation: Your recent performance was breathtakingly abysmal, and the consequences are too horrifying to contemplate. Call your mother, your grandmother, a priest, the Whiskey Monster, and Santa Claus, but don't expect forgiveness because they will not give it to you. A Hall Of Shame will be founded specifically to enshrine your actions. This house of horrors will subsequently be closed due to the singular, unmatchable nadir of your atrocities, and finally burned to the ground in an unsuccessful attempt to expunge the disgrace that you have inflicted upon the world. You should move to a snow-blasted island somewhere in the Canadian arctic, because nobody will ever love you or accept you, or even acknowledge you as a fellow human being, for the rest of eternity.

Dave and Kanka's Annual Baseball Hall of Fame Email Conversation

From: Dave
To: Kanka
10:28 AM

Hall of Fame announcements are today. Here's my ballot:

In:
Goose Gossage. Having not lived through his era, I didn't realize his greatness until I really started reading about him. Lots of things that can't be captured through today's conventional game.

Jack Morris. If I have to explain this again this year, then you clearly haven't been paying attention to my emails the last few years.

Close but no cigar:
Jim Rice. I wouldn't have a big problem if he got in, since he did have some dominant years, but I don't know enough about him.

Andre Dawson. He was really good, but when people say they're voting for him, they inevitably say, "he'd be a shoe-in if he wasn't hurt all the time." Umm, but he was, and it affected his body of work over the course of his career.

Todd Stottlemyre. Kidding, just seeing if you're paying attention.

---

From: Kanka
To: Dave
11:09 AM

Here's someone who's keeping track of published ballots:
http://www.meadowparty.com/blog/?p=118

Here's an abbreviated look at where I stand right now. My opinion may
or may not change over the course of the day:

In:
Gossage
Burt Blyleven - Very good for a very long period of time. I tend to
award longevity - hey, if you're good enough to stay in the league for
that long, you much be doing something right.

On the fence yes:
Morris - I know you're a huge fan. I just need to go back and check
my notes again.

On the fence maybe:
Rock Raines - Quietly put up big numbers for a long time. He won't
get in this year, but I'm curious to see how well he does.

I'm not allowed to comment since I'm on the committee, but he did play
for the Big Red Machine:
Dave Concepcion

---

From: Dave
To: Kanka
11:36 AM

Ummmm....what committee are you on that you can't discuss Dave
Concepcion?

I won't tell my grandkids someday about the greatness of Bert Blyleven
(nor would I had I actually seen him pitch, according to most things
I've read, so he's out. I dunno

---

From: Kanka
To: Dave
1:27 PM

That was a Joe Morgan reference. Every time he's asked about the Hall
of Fame, he always says, "I don't like talking about particular
candidates because I'm on the Veteran's Committee. But Dave
Concepcion should be in." It's a running joke on FireJoeMorgan.

Looking back at Blyleven's stats, he was good but not dominating. So
he's borderline too. I somehow can't find all of your old Jack Morris
emails. So in a nutshell, what's the argument again? If you're
putting him in just for the 10-inning playoff game, you might as well
induct the 74-76 Len Barker for his one perfect game.

---

From: Dave
To: Kanka
1:58 PM

Jack Morris:

254-186 lifetime, probably the best pitcher for the complete period
79-92. Yeah, borderline, but I still think he's a bad-ass

http://www.baseball-reference.com/m/morrija02.shtml

---

From: Kanka
To: Dave
2:25 PM

1979-92:

Morris: 233-162, 3378 IP, 2199 K, 3.73 ERA
Blyleven: 151-127, 2583 IP, 1791 K, 3.94 ERA

But Blyleven is older than Morris. Morris was 24 in '79 and 37 in
'92. Blyleven was the same age from '75-'88. During that time,
Blyleven: 174-151, 3126 IP, 2337 K, 3.58 ERA

Morris was a hoss, no doubt. But do we penalize Blyleven for playing
on crappier teams?

---

From: Dave
To: Kanka
2:31 PM

Alright, you got me. Although I still feel like I could someday talk
about how great Jack Morris was, while Blyleven just doesn't fell "Hall
of Fame" to me. So, to my fallback position:

"The only time I want to talk to a woman when I'm naked is if I'm on top
of her or she's on top of me."
-- Former Tigers pitcher Jack Morris on female sportswriters

---

From: Kanka
To: Dave
3:42 PM

Ah yes, I remember the quote. That puts him over the top.

If it makes you feel better, every time the Indians come to Minnesota,
both teams' announcers get together and talk about why Blyleven should
be in the Hall.

My final vote, since I'm soft:
Gossage
Blyleven
Morris
Raines

PS It's Gossage:
http://web.baseballhalloffame.org/hofers/voting_year.jsp?year=2008

---

From: Kanka
To: Dave
5:21 PM

Oh, and Buck O'Neil. Dah.

The Class of 2008

We had excellent voter turnout this year, with 10 people turning in ballots. Due to the diversity of picks, I set 5 as the number of votes needed for induction this year. Without further ado, here are the four inductees, all of whom received exactly 5 votes.,


Charlie Weis, Jr.: Charlie Jr., seen here with his family, joins his father in the our Hall of Fame. Charlie Sr., class of 2006, and Jr. make up the first father-son combo in the HOF. Junior is an inspiration to high school freshman everywhere; his hobbies include philanthropy, breaking down game film for St. Joseph's high, and hanging out with Ellen's dad.


Fr. Theodore M. Hesburgh, CSC: As Andy said on his ballot, "The reasons are too numerous to list." If you haven't read God, Country, Notre Dame, Travels with Ted and Ned, or any of Hesburgh's other works yet, do yourself a favor and visit your local library right now. I don't even care if don't finish reading the rest of this column - go now! On a personal note, this is my favorite picture of Fr. Ted. And there are many to choose from. He's posed with popes and presidents. A picture of him and Martin Luther King, Jr., belting out a hymn at a Chicago peace rally, was just named a national treasure. Then there's the Time cover that I hope to have hanging in my house some day. Fr. Hesburgh - what else is there to say?


Patrick Hatton: The first recruit in what is already becoming a very impressive recruiting class of '27, Patrick very nearly made the Hall of Fame on his first try last year, missing by just one vote. The kid just turned two, and he can already yell for a loose ball, Hike Step, play trombone, and say "Kanka."


Peter Gammons: I'd like to thank Dave's influential voting block for helping to get Peter in the Hall. Without Gammons, my fantasy baseball team would probably be called Starkesquity, and that just doesn't have the same ring to it. A legendary baseball writer, Peter Gammons is one of the true inspirations for this site. I never got a chance to meet Kurt Vonnegut, and balked at my lone chance to meet Hal Lebovitz, so my next goal in life is to meet the man from the front of the $20 bill.

Here are this year's also-rans. As you can see, Fr. Sorin just missed induction. He and all of the other multiple vote getters will receive a carryover vote next year.

Name	Total	Comment
Fr. Sorin	4	Without him I probably would have ended up at a place like Penn State or Boston college... actually, with those options, I might have just skipped college altogether.
Fr. Joyce	3	Rivals Barney Rubble and Robin for best sidekick ever.
Peyton Manning	3
Sam Sanchez	3
Buck O'Neil	2	This one's for Kanka.
Erin	2	Who is sadly missing from the message board.
Knute Rockne	2	FOOTBALL!!!
Mr. T	2	Crazy Man Pick
Rebecca Rose Hatton	2	New Member Pick
Adrian Peterson (MIN)	1	Fantasy stud.
American Flag guy from the road by WNDU	1
Basil Moreau, CSC	1
Blue-Cheese-Stuffed Olives	1	Beverage Garnish Pick: http://www.dibruno.com/Detail.bok?no=608
Brady Quinn	1
Buzzwinkle	1	Drunkard Pick: http://www.adn.com/front/story/9483457p-9394676c.html
Carl Monday	1
Christopher Walken	1
Coach Jackson (hockey)	1
Crazy Moustache Guy	1	Moustache Pick: http://netramblings.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/moustache.jpg
Dave Schmitt	1	KankaMatic Champion
David Bruton	1
David Wright	1	Favorite baseball player.
EA Sports NCAA Footbal series	1	There is no off-season. This series of games has fed our off-season hunger for college football just enugh so that we don't need a straight-jacket. Has led to a great deal of creativity and has sustained such imaginary legends as Sigmund Jalepeno.
Exavier "Nook" Logan	1	Editor's Pick (Klondike let me pick one name from the Mitchell Report, so I chose a name I thought he'd like. FP Santangelo is probably the coolest name on the list, but I figured it was too French Canadian-sounding for Klondike to like it.)
Gin	1
Guitar Hero 3	1
Jerome Bettis	1
Jessica Simpson	1	She's hot and helped the Boys lose to the Birds!
Kanka's Cell Phone	1	Beep boop bop beep boop
Ken Hanlon	1	Trombone Pick: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Trombone_Association
Kerri Hanks	1
Mark McGwire	1	At least he admitted to doing Andro.
Matt Holliday	1	Helped me win a KM Baseball crown!
Michelle Weisenhoffer	1	She does flip throws, now that's cool.
Nachos	1	Mmmm.
National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)	1	Entertainment Pick
Notre Dame Stadium	1	The House that Rock Built. Greatest place to watch a game, whether from the field or stands. Keeps the old school alive with the absence of video replay boards and with the school bands playing the only music heard during the game.
Pete Rose	1	Deserves to be in A Hall of Fame!
Puck	1	Beloved dog of Andy Wolkiewicz. He was a good, loyal, and faithful dog who wore his Notre Dame dog collar with pride every day for seven straight years. Passed away unexpectedly on December 29, 2007, likely due to complications associated with epilepsy. May he rest in peace.
Ronald McDonald	1
Roy Williams (DAL)	1	Suspension for namesake penalty.
Sal	1	KankaNation Pick
Sammy Sosa	1	Hit #600.
Sean Connery	1	Classic Pick
The "enjoy" lady at SDH	1
TO	1	Favorite football player.
Touchdown Jesus	1	This is probably the most famous mural in the United States. Gets plenty of TV time on Saturdays, even if ND isn't playing at home.
Trevor Laws	1